Top 11 Sex Positions
01-26-2003, 11:18 PM
#1
Registered User
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Age: 52
Posts: 245
Top 11 Sex Positions (Special emphasis on number 11 as this really happened!!)
1. The Teabagging
The all time classic maneuver of tapping your **** on a
chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your *****, and
uttering the timeless phrase--"Who's Your Daddy?"
2. The Houdini
Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to ***,
then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you
have. When she turns around blow your load into her
face. She is left shocked and amazed, wondering how
you managed it.
3. The Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth,
smack the back of her head and make it come out her
nose. When she gets up, she'll look like an angry dragon.
4. *** Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load
down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give
her a large cold bottle of your favorite carbonated drink, making
her guzzle it down. Then shake her head vigorously back and
forth to create the *** Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect.
A great way to impress your friends.
5. Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone
doggy-style, you insert your finger into her *******. You
then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a
thin **** mustache. This makes her look like someone
whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
6. The Donkey Punch
Banging a girl doggy-style and then moments before you
***, you stick you dick in her *** and then punch her in the
back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in
her ***, which will constrict around the ***** giving you a
tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
7. The Flaming Amazon
This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're
screwing some chick, right about when your about to ***,
pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter, and set her
pubes on fire, then ... extinguish the flames with your gizz!
8. The Flying Camel
As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on
your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself
(without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted
into her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your
arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying
camel. Strictly a classy move.
9. The Screwnicorn
When a dyke puts her strap-on ***** on her forehead and
proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
10. The Zombie Mask
While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting,
trash-barrel *****, tell her you want her to look right up
at you with those "Pretty little Eyes" when you blow your
load. Then, just when your ready to spew a good weeks
worth of goo, blast that hefty load into both eyes.
The temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie
effect as she stumbles around the room with arms
outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
11. Stanaford Mud Slide
This can only take place while in a drunken stupor after a police dept. Christams Party, when you find yourself with your favorite 18 year old **** from your meat route. You engage in doggie style intercourse, but due to your level of intoxication you miss the intended hole and are butt ****ing her. She is not objecting, so obviously you are not either. After you pull one off and when she go's to the bathroom to finish what you couldnt, you begin to smell an all too familiar odor. When you pull the covers off and find that she has **** all over you, you know you have done it right.
1. The Teabagging
The all time classic maneuver of tapping your **** on a
chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your *****, and
uttering the timeless phrase--"Who's Your Daddy?"
2. The Houdini
Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to ***,
then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you
have. When she turns around blow your load into her
face. She is left shocked and amazed, wondering how
you managed it.
3. The Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth,
smack the back of her head and make it come out her
nose. When she gets up, she'll look like an angry dragon.
4. *** Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load
down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give
her a large cold bottle of your favorite carbonated drink, making
her guzzle it down. Then shake her head vigorously back and
forth to create the *** Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect.
A great way to impress your friends.
5. Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone
doggy-style, you insert your finger into her *******. You
then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a
thin **** mustache. This makes her look like someone
whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
6. The Donkey Punch
Banging a girl doggy-style and then moments before you
***, you stick you dick in her *** and then punch her in the
back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in
her ***, which will constrict around the ***** giving you a
tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
7. The Flaming Amazon
This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're
screwing some chick, right about when your about to ***,
pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter, and set her
pubes on fire, then ... extinguish the flames with your gizz!
8. The Flying Camel
As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on
your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself
(without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted
into her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your
arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying
camel. Strictly a classy move.
9. The Screwnicorn
When a dyke puts her strap-on ***** on her forehead and
proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
10. The Zombie Mask
While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting,
trash-barrel *****, tell her you want her to look right up
at you with those "Pretty little Eyes" when you blow your
load. Then, just when your ready to spew a good weeks
worth of goo, blast that hefty load into both eyes.
The temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie
effect as she stumbles around the room with arms
outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
11. Stanaford Mud Slide
This can only take place while in a drunken stupor after a police dept. Christams Party, when you find yourself with your favorite 18 year old **** from your meat route. You engage in doggie style intercourse, but due to your level of intoxication you miss the intended hole and are butt ****ing her. She is not objecting, so obviously you are not either. After you pull one off and when she go's to the bathroom to finish what you couldnt, you begin to smell an all too familiar odor. When you pull the covers off and find that she has **** all over you, you know you have done it right.
01-26-2003, 11:27 PM
#3
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: MA
Age: 46
Posts: 302
STANAFORD MUDSLIDE
Been There Done that one it's nasty!!!!!!I WAS WRECKED..When
I Seen The Mess i freakd got up and Ran!. i left half my clothes in her dorm......when i got home i burned MY clothes and
showered till my skin was bleeding...looked like i Banged Burrito to DEATH!!!! Thanks for the reminderLATA:D :D :D
I Seen The Mess i freakd got up and Ran!. i left half my clothes in her dorm......when i got home i burned MY clothes and
showered till my skin was bleeding...looked like i Banged Burrito to DEATH!!!! Thanks for the reminderLATA:D :D :D
Last edited by JakeBlade; 01-26-2003 at 11:30 PM.
01-28-2003, 01:21 AM
#5
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Cleveland,Oh
Age: 50
Posts: 192
Just A quick Question since we are on the sexual naming game today! I got a stun-gun (no more assault charges because no more marks from blunt objects) and Have just been having a great time with it! Example say your 44 yr. old Buddy has a snotty *** 14 and 16 yr. old sons the minute they get mouthy or think it's fun to fart in your direction Zap the **** outa them! commands great amounts of respect!
Anyway I am thinking this would add great Joy with my girl when I have her bent over the bike in the shop!! The Question is #1 would I shock Myself ?? and #2 what could it be named ???
Anyway I am thinking this would add great Joy with my girl when I have her bent over the bike in the shop!! The Question is #1 would I shock Myself ?? and #2 what could it be named ???
01-29-2003, 01:47 PM
#7
Guest
Posts: n/a
the rodeo (disclaimer my buddy told me about this one and its definatly offensive sooo read at ur own risk!)
u go to a bar and find a hefty (read very big) lady start shootin the **** and get her to come back to ur place where ur friends are waitin. get her in yer room and start havin sexwith the lights off doggy style, then bout 10 min into it ur friends bust ito the room and turn the lights on (oneof which starts a stop watch) and u grab onto the girl as tight as u can and try and hold on for as long as possible while she tries to buck u off and cover up !!!!!!!
u go to a bar and find a hefty (read very big) lady start shootin the **** and get her to come back to ur place where ur friends are waitin. get her in yer room and start havin sexwith the lights off doggy style, then bout 10 min into it ur friends bust ito the room and turn the lights on (oneof which starts a stop watch) and u grab onto the girl as tight as u can and try and hold on for as long as possible while she tries to buck u off and cover up !!!!!!!
01-29-2003, 08:15 PM
#9
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Cleveland,Oh
Age: 50
Posts: 192
Originally posted by sclevela
the rodeo (disclaimer my buddy told me about this one and its definatly offensive sooo read at ur own risk!)
u go to a bar and find a hefty (read very big) lady start shootin the **** and get her to come back to ur place where ur friends are waitin. get her in yer room and start havin sexwith the lights off doggy style, then bout 10 min into it ur friends bust ito the room and turn the lights on (oneof which starts a stop watch) and u grab onto the girl as tight as u can and try and hold on for as long as possible while she tries to buck u off and cover up !!!!!!!
the rodeo (disclaimer my buddy told me about this one and its definatly offensive sooo read at ur own risk!)
u go to a bar and find a hefty (read very big) lady start shootin the **** and get her to come back to ur place where ur friends are waitin. get her in yer room and start havin sexwith the lights off doggy style, then bout 10 min into it ur friends bust ito the room and turn the lights on (oneof which starts a stop watch) and u grab onto the girl as tight as u can and try and hold on for as long as possible while she tries to buck u off and cover up !!!!!!!
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