Official Text Message Thread

Old 02-17-2009, 03:36 AM
  #41  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

Originally Posted by Sick Dave View Post
Say ADDICTED after every question u read:
Drugs?
Alcohol?
Sex?
What hit u in the face last night?
LMAO... that got sent out to everyone in my phone....
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Old 02-23-2009, 11:00 PM
  #42  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

"IN GOD WE TRUST"


HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK



1. Open a new file on your computer.



2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.



3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.



4. Empty the Recycle Bin.



5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'

6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'



7. Feel better? GOOD! -







Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi! :-)
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Old 03-01-2009, 01:45 AM
  #43  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

i had to take down my xmas lights early this year cause they kept making me think of ******... half of them dident work and the ones that did werent that bright...
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Old 03-01-2009, 12:38 PM
  #44  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

Say ADDICTED after every question u read:
Drugs?
Alcohol?
Sex?
What hit u in the face last night?



IT'S FUNNY CAUSE ITS TRUE!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING!!!!
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Old 03-02-2009, 11:21 AM
  #45  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

A 9921
Toibi biquT2
TA pnilim2
9M

need help cracking the code? use a mirror
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:48 AM
  #46  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

i beileve it goes like this " today is hug a retard day so dont freak like you did last year no one is tryin to take your helmet"
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:11 AM
  #47  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

What a woman says...

This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears...

blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

not that funny but...
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Old 03-10-2009, 02:32 AM
  #48  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

My application to e-harmony was denied!
One of the questions was: 'What do you like in a woman?'
Apparently 'My ****' was not the right answer.
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Old 03-10-2009, 02:46 PM
  #49  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

why do the police hate hillbilly muder cases?..... no dental records and all the DNA matchs
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Old 03-10-2009, 02:48 PM
  #50  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

So a queer walks into a gay bar and..... ah nevermind you were probaly there. I'm sure you know what happened.
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Old 03-24-2009, 02:44 PM
  #51  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together,
when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler.
The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?'
Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ***?'
The little boy answered: 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'.
Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'.

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.
The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?'
Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ***?'

Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'.
Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'.

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some
Cookies.
Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?'
The boy asks, 'Can your pecker touch your ***?'
Laughing, Gramps replies, 'Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ***'.
The little boy replies, 'Then go **** yourself'. Grandma made these for me'
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Old 03-29-2009, 08:47 AM
  #52  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

i sent an angel to watch over you last night. he came back and said he doesnt watch ****. thanks for traumatizing my ****** angel you ***
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Old 03-29-2009, 08:48 AM
  #53  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

what did the easter egg say to the boilin water........ its gonna take me a while to get hard. i just got laid by some hot chick
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Old 03-29-2009, 08:51 AM
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

a kid saw 2 dogs humpin. mom says they're bakin a cake. kid says i know, you and dad baked one lastnight, i licked the frostin off the couch
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Old 03-29-2009, 08:55 AM
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

For some time many of us have wondered who is Jack ****? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, You dont know Jack ****? Well, thanks to my efforts you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack **** is the only son of Awe **** who married O ****, the owners of Knee Deep N **** Inc. In turn Jack **** married Noe ****. The couple had 6 children: Holie ****, Giva ****, Fulla ****, Bull ****, and the twins Deep **** and Dip ****. Deep **** married Dumb ****, a high school dropout. After 15 years, Jack and Noe **** got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock and became Noe **** Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip **** married Lota **** and had a rather nervous disposition named Chicken ****. Fulla **** n Giva **** married the Happens brothers n had a double wedding. The newspaper invited everyone to the ****-Happens wedding. Bull **** traveled the world and returned home with an italian
bridePisa ****. So from now on, no one can tell you that you dont know Jack ****
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Old 03-29-2009, 09:24 AM
  #56  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

Originally Posted by sQuiD FigHTer View Post
For some time many of us have wondered who is Jack ****? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, You dont know Jack ****? Well, thanks to my efforts you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack **** is the only son of Awe **** who married O ****, the owners of Knee Deep N **** Inc. In turn Jack **** married Noe ****. The couple had 6 children: Holie ****, Giva ****, Fulla ****, Bull ****, and the twins Deep **** and Dip ****. Deep **** married Dumb ****, a high school dropout. After 15 years, Jack and Noe **** got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock and became Noe **** Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip **** married Lota **** and had a rather nervous disposition named Chicken ****. Fulla **** n Giva **** married the Happens brothers n had a double wedding. The newspaper invited everyone to the ****-Happens wedding. Bull **** traveled the world and returned home with an italian
bridePisa ****. So from now on, no one can tell you that you dont know Jack ****
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Old 04-02-2009, 05:31 AM
  #57  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

the 3 biggest lies in this world are..
1. i love you
2. your check is in the mail
3. i won't *** in your face

all 3 are pretty dam ture 2 lol
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Old 04-02-2009, 06:30 AM
  #58  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

Originally Posted by sick dave View Post
say addicted after every question u read:
Drugs?
Alcohol?
Sex?
What hit u in the face last night?

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Old 04-02-2009, 06:33 AM
  #59  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

Originally Posted by sQuiD FigHTer View Post
A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together,
when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler.
The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?'
Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ***?'
The little boy answered: 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'.
Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'.

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.
The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?'
Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ***?'

Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'.
Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'.

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some
Cookies.
Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?'
The boy asks, 'Can your pecker touch your ***?'
Laughing, Gramps replies, 'Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ***'.
The little boy replies, 'Then go **** yourself'. Grandma made these for me'

thats good lol..
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Old 04-02-2009, 10:13 AM
  #60  
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Re: Official Text Message Thread

Originally Posted by sQuiD FigHTer View Post
A hillbilly was ****** his sister, he says "whats so funny?" She says "you **** like dad!" He says "I know, mom told me."
thats funny right there.....
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