So I'm leavin' the bar last night....
07-19-2003, 08:47 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Detroit Rock City
Age: 48
Posts: 2,915
So I'm leavin' the bar last night....
Yeah. I'm here bright and early on this lovely Saturday. Stuck at work. Still a bit buzzed. I think. Anyway...
Last night, I went to a little pub in Mt. Clemens to watch a friend's band play. My brother was there. My brother thinks I can keep up with him, you know.. with the drinking. He's my little brother, so I can't disappoint him, so I try. However, he went to U-M for four years, so he's got lots of training. He's also 25lbs heavier than me...
Anyway, I got rocked. We left, with my girlfriend driving my truck. As soon as we pulled onto I-94W at Harper... BAM! Stopped. Stuck. Not going anywhere. Brakelights as far as we can see. And traffic was stacking up quickly behind us, so we couldn't back out and off the e-way. I rolled down my window and asked the guy next to me how long he'd been there. He said "at least 10 minutes. You'd think they'd close the expressway and route people around." I agreed and started getting annoyed. Then... it hit me like a wave. I had to whiz. Big time. I tried to hold it, and then realized I couldn't. I started to waddle out into the weeds along 94, right where it runs parallel to 15 mile... you know, near Hooters. Just as I get about 10 feet into the weeds and start unzipping... I get lit up. At first I think it's another stuck motorist, being funny. Then I hear, "WHOOOP!" and a loudspeaker says "GET BACK IN YOUR CAR!" It was our lovely MSP.
I turned and said "I really have to go! I'm gonna wet myself!" and he says again "GET BACK IN YOUR CAR, NOW!" I express my frustration with a mini-middle finger and stomp back to my truck. He continues on down the shoulder, and I.... wait for him to get 1/4 mile up and go back to my peeing!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! that was nice.
After I peed, I scouted a bit, and found the metal wire that keeps cars from doing what we all wanted to do. I then went back to the truck and spent the next 10 minutes trying to convince my girlfriend to drive my truck over the fence. She wisely declined. At this point, visions of a previous experience that I had, when I got stuck on 94 near Chicago for 4 hours... were filling my head. I bet my girlfriend $20 that we would be there for at least an hour. I decided to march up to the accident and see just how long this was going to take. I made it precisely 100 feet before traffic started to move. I ran back to the truck, hopped in and we were home in 15 minutes. There goes $20.
Oh yeah, and I spent the rest of the drive home, and the wait in the Taco Bell line, cupping my hands and telling people in my best loudspeaker voice "GET BACK IN THE CAR!"... "YOU, ON THE BICYCLE! GET BACK IN YOUR CAR!" It was funny at the time....
Last night, I went to a little pub in Mt. Clemens to watch a friend's band play. My brother was there. My brother thinks I can keep up with him, you know.. with the drinking. He's my little brother, so I can't disappoint him, so I try. However, he went to U-M for four years, so he's got lots of training. He's also 25lbs heavier than me...
Anyway, I got rocked. We left, with my girlfriend driving my truck. As soon as we pulled onto I-94W at Harper... BAM! Stopped. Stuck. Not going anywhere. Brakelights as far as we can see. And traffic was stacking up quickly behind us, so we couldn't back out and off the e-way. I rolled down my window and asked the guy next to me how long he'd been there. He said "at least 10 minutes. You'd think they'd close the expressway and route people around." I agreed and started getting annoyed. Then... it hit me like a wave. I had to whiz. Big time. I tried to hold it, and then realized I couldn't. I started to waddle out into the weeds along 94, right where it runs parallel to 15 mile... you know, near Hooters. Just as I get about 10 feet into the weeds and start unzipping... I get lit up. At first I think it's another stuck motorist, being funny. Then I hear, "WHOOOP!" and a loudspeaker says "GET BACK IN YOUR CAR!" It was our lovely MSP.
I turned and said "I really have to go! I'm gonna wet myself!" and he says again "GET BACK IN YOUR CAR, NOW!" I express my frustration with a mini-middle finger and stomp back to my truck. He continues on down the shoulder, and I.... wait for him to get 1/4 mile up and go back to my peeing!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! that was nice. After I peed, I scouted a bit, and found the metal wire that keeps cars from doing what we all wanted to do. I then went back to the truck and spent the next 10 minutes trying to convince my girlfriend to drive my truck over the fence. She wisely declined. At this point, visions of a previous experience that I had, when I got stuck on 94 near Chicago for 4 hours... were filling my head. I bet my girlfriend $20 that we would be there for at least an hour. I decided to march up to the accident and see just how long this was going to take. I made it precisely 100 feet before traffic started to move. I ran back to the truck, hopped in and we were home in 15 minutes. There goes $20.
Oh yeah, and I spent the rest of the drive home, and the wait in the Taco Bell line, cupping my hands and telling people in my best loudspeaker voice "GET BACK IN THE CAR!"... "YOU, ON THE BICYCLE! GET BACK IN YOUR CAR!" It was funny at the time....
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