Voodoo Animal

NIGHTMARES
NIGHTMARE #1
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a
cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he
asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the
top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and
found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another
man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired
nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away
at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly,
the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
NIGHTMARE #2
The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to think
of a
way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and found his wife asleep
in
bed. He thought to himself, "what should I do?" "Oh-I know." He proceeded
to get
under the covers and go down on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm
and
moan in pleasure.
After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed.
Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When
he
got there, the light was on and he saw his wife there shaving her legs. He
exclaimed, "What are you doing in here?!?" She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at
the
bed, "You'll wake your mother"
NIGHTMARE #3
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each
other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and
smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?" Horrified,
she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna
see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine
if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all
sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too,
but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister
shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need
be, mom says she can come down herself and do it.
But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"

onsomething

the first and third one were funny but the second one was naaaaasty ! (still funny though, redneck style !)

Paligurl2

i agree the second one was just wrong

Wheelie Boy

The last one was from a parody priceless comercial

DLISH