Shugga is gona ban me for this... ...

Mine is from when I use to load delta jets at dallas. A bunch of us went to some itallan resterant for lunch. I hade a yummy chicken fedechini alfredo. When we got back to the airport I could feel the monster brewing . I started loading a 727 forward cargobin along with my friend Bopes. we were loading mail, I was in the door throwing it back to bopes, about 20 feet in and he was stacking it. there was a slight breez circulating through the plane. It wasent a ripper explosion but just a little one. Two seconds later Bopes screams " GOD IS THAT REAL!!!" Grinning I said "what?" Bopes takes another sniff and asks" Did you fart?!?!" I just laughed. He tried to get out but the closer he got the worse it was. He finalle ran past me and jumped out the door while people were still sending up mail. they asked what was wrong and he told them that I farted. they told him to get back in there and he yelled "NO!" and went inside... :head

 

So what does noone here fart???

 

Well i had to go to a city council meeting for school and while something was being presented Well i farted you know the rest i got laughed at by a 90year old man

 

I work at the post office as a window clerk

the other day i had a lobby full of customers.

and i had to go and get a form outta the file cabinet for a customer, so i bend over to get it and feel a lil urge.
But it felt like it was gonna be a silent killer so i let it rip
GODDAMN WAS I WRONG

muthaaa fukaah ripp'd out my @$$ so loud i thought it was gonna rip my pants.


So instantly i jump up and look around, and EVERYONE is starein at me. I was soooo freekin embarassed, but didn't know what to do.

SO the first thing that came to my mind was

"what the hell happened? did anyone else hear that?"


needless to say, noone bought it, they were all hip to my *** rip.

It sucked, there was a few girlies in the lobby also, nothin worse than rippin a big one, in front of girlies, and in my stoopid @$$ work uniform also

 

Workin' in jail as a cook right now (Master Baker is my full title. really it is.). In order for us to get to work and out, you have to go through 3 cages, and elevator, and another cage (Vice versa to get out.) After a nice long day, w/ a lot to eat (Sum Chicken Adobo, beef stroganoff, rice pilaf, and bread pudding.), we were right about ready to go home, when I felt my stomach. I wanted to use the john, but Master Cook said we had to leave. . . So, after the first set of cages, I felt my stomach brewing. Once we hit the elevator, I figured ITS PAYBACK TIME! ! ! So w/ a packed elevator, heading down 8 floors, I let one rip right when the elevator door closed! u could only imagine the hits I got from my co-workers as they all tried to cover up, but it was all worth it. AHHH SO PRICELESS THE MEMORIES

 

I dont have any real good ones like that. Every time my gf sleeps over, i give her dutch ovens. They're never bad enough to wake her up tho, i'll keep trying.

 

haha thats great

 

I've pulled a few dutch ovens in my day too. Those are classic.

Anyways, a little fart story....

I went to Cancun last month, and on the night before we had to go home we partied HARD all night, and we had to catch an early flight. They wanted us ready to go in the hotel lobby @ 6am to catch a shuttle. So we get up (it was ROUGH) and we got down there. This party animal dude that was vacationing alone was also getting on our flight. Turns out he got twice as ripped as us, and packed up and checked out the night before so he could sleep in the lobby and not miss the shuttle by sleeping in. So we wake him up, get him on the shuttle and he tells the funniest 'lobby titty' story for 30 minutes until we get to the airport. We get on the plane, and he has a row of 3 seats to himself, and passes out lying down as soon as we take off. For the next couple hours he is poppin off some nasty sleep farts (we sat beheind him) Well I guess one of them was a real 'jack the ripper' fart, and it woke him up....the look on his face peeking over the back of the seats asking us 'what the hell was that?' was pricless. That is the first time I've ever seen anyone get waken up by his own fart!!!

 

Any time I fart and don't soil myself is my proudest........thank god I haven't sharted in public yet, but I'm still young. A guy I work with had explosive diahrea and had to strip down and put on rain gear (this was a beautiful summer day so he got some strange looks that day)

 

Farts are almost as funny as poop. Good thread!