HOW TO POOP AT WORK
>
> We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked
> back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.
> As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
> inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the
> Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
>
>
> CROP DUSTING
> When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not
> in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
> came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
> fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell
> has left your pants.
>
>
> FLY BY
> The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
> for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
> come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People
> may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
> bathroom.
>
>
> ESCAPEE
> A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
> poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
> embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
> Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in
> the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It
> is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes
> both parties feel uneasy.
>
>
> JAILBREAK
> When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
> This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
> should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
> left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
> occurred.
>
>
> COURTESY FLUSH
> The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.
> This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
> bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
> SHAME.
>
>
> WALK OF SHAME
> Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
> stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
> someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
> that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
> COURTESY FLUSH.
>
>
> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
> A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often
> see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or
> magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the
> Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
>
>
> THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
> A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
> goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
> whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
>
> SAFE HAVENS
> A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
> expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
> sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
> bathroom.
>
>
> TURD BURGLAR
> Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
> force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
> moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,
> remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will
> avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
>
>
> CAMO-COUGH
> A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
> are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
> alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
> conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
>
>
> ASTAIRE
> A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
> you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
> is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately
> so the pooper can poop in peace.
>
>
> WATERMELON
> A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This
> is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
> create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

 

 

now thats some funny $hit........

 

That's a classic at work funny. You made my day a little easier to handle Beef.

 

I love shitting at work because then i don't have to work for those 10- 15 mins

 

I can honestly say i've done some of those things before!!!!!!!

 

I got two important words for you all ' Handycap Bathrooms'

I've been known to play a round of tiger woods golf on the I95 daily, sometimes twice a day. The bathrooms are big, secluded and have locks on the doors.

 

Just printed it out and gave it to our OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER

 

Plus, you don't have to use your toilet paper at home.

 

haha..i was just going to copy this thread to you....

great post!

 

...WATERMELONS...:laugh ing