How to Poop at Work.
07-08-2003, 09:41 AM
#1
Regular StuntLifer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Minneapolis, Mn.
Age: 50
Posts: 490
How to Poop at Work. HOW TO POOP AT WORK
>
> We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked
> back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.
> As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
> inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the
> Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
>
>
> CROP DUSTING
> When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not
> in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
> came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
> fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell
> has left your pants.
>
>
> FLY BY
> The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
> for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
> come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People
> may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
> bathroom.
>
>
> ESCAPEE
> A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
> poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
> embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
> Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in
> the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It
> is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes
> both parties feel uneasy.
>
>
> JAILBREAK
> When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
> This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
> should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
> left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
> occurred.
>
>
> COURTESY FLUSH
> The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.
> This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
> bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
> SHAME.
>
>
> WALK OF SHAME
> Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
> stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
> someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
> that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
> COURTESY FLUSH.
>
>
> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
> A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often
> see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or
> magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the
> Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
>
>
> THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
> A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
> goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
> whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
>
> SAFE HAVENS
> A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
> expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
> sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
> bathroom.
>
>
> TURD BURGLAR
> Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
> force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
> moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,
> remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will
> avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
>
>
> CAMO-COUGH
> A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
> are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
> alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
> conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
>
>
> ASTAIRE
> A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
> you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
> is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately
> so the pooper can poop in peace.
>
>
> WATERMELON
> A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This
> is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
> create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
>
> We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked
> back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.
> As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
> inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the
> Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
>
>
> CROP DUSTING
> When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not
> in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
> came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
> fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell
> has left your pants.
>
>
> FLY BY
> The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
> for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
> come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People
> may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
> bathroom.
>
>
> ESCAPEE
> A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
> poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
> embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
> Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in
> the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It
> is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes
> both parties feel uneasy.
>
>
> JAILBREAK
> When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
> This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
> should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
> left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
> occurred.
>
>
> COURTESY FLUSH
> The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.
> This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
> bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
> SHAME.
>
>
> WALK OF SHAME
> Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
> stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
> someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
> that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
> COURTESY FLUSH.
>
>
> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
> A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often
> see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or
> magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the
> Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
>
>
> THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
> A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
> goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
> whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
>
> SAFE HAVENS
> A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
> expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
> sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
> bathroom.
>
>
> TURD BURGLAR
> Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
> force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
> moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,
> remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will
> avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
>
>
> CAMO-COUGH
> A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
> are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
> alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
> conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
>
>
> ASTAIRE
> A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
> you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
> is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately
> so the pooper can poop in peace.
>
>
> WATERMELON
> A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This
> is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
> create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
07-11-2003, 02:19 PM
#7
I Enjoy Posting At StuntLife!
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 4,313
I got two important words for you all ' Handycap Bathrooms'
I've been known to play a round of tiger woods golf on the I95 daily, sometimes twice a day. The bathrooms are big, secluded and have locks on the doors.
I've been known to play a round of tiger woods golf on the I95 daily, sometimes twice a day. The bathrooms are big, secluded and have locks on the doors.
07-11-2003, 05:37 PM
#10
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: San Jose, CA
Age: 43
Posts: 453
Originally posted by hessogood
I got two important words for you all ' Handycap Bathrooms'
I've been known to play a round of tiger woods golf on the I95 daily, sometimes twice a day. The bathrooms are big, secluded and have locks on the doors.
I got two important words for you all ' Handycap Bathrooms'
I've been known to play a round of tiger woods golf on the I95 daily, sometimes twice a day. The bathrooms are big, secluded and have locks on the doors.
great post!
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