A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. "Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"

 

George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello I just called you a few seconds ago. Because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all". Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!

 

Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

























A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

 

 

A Priest , a Preacher, and a Rabbi were long time friends since their churches were all with in a few blocks of each other. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Welllll," he says, in a fine Irish brogue, "Ey wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him, Ey began to read to him from the Baltimorre Catechism. Well, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle... WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's space the HOOOOULY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOULD of him and we began to wrassle. We wrassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOULY word." They both look down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. The Rabbi looks up and says, "The preaching was easy, but the bear got a bit touchy about the circumcision."

 

Q= why did the chicken cross the road?
































A= who the f*ck cares

 

What do you call a mexican *****? A freeholee (frijole).




What do you call a short mexican *****? Cuntswaylow.

 

Vjay this ones for you

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, twenty-three of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by and, to the gays' delight, points out the happy child as theirs. Brad exclaims ''Isn't it wonderful? All these unhappy children and ours is so happy.'' The nurse says, ''He's happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ***.''

 

Why do hookers make more money than drug dealers?


















Casue they can wash the crack and sell it over again

 

I may have already told this one but it's my favorite.

What's the best thing about having sex in the shower with a 12 year old?



























Slicking her hair back and making her look 8.

 

why did they take sex education out of the mexican school systems?










cuz they wanted to give the donkey's a break

 

What is the definition of a virgin in northern maine?


























An ugly 13 year old who can outrun her brother

 

knock knock?.........who's there?


























ha ha ha ha yyyyyeeeeeaaaaahhhhh!!!!
i got you ha ha lady

-Special Ed

 

HAWAIIIIIII YYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY

 

"I like jello.." YYYEEEAAAAHHH

 

There is a 3 story home in the city. A black family lives on the first floor, hispanic on the second and a white family on the third floor. In the middle of the day the house burns down. Which family lived?
























The white family. The kids were at school and the parents were at work.

 

*Insert previous stated disclaimer*

 

that was good....but you forgat to say the black mother lived also.
she was at the welfare office, waiting in line

 

is Chucky there? I like Chucky! Chucky Cheeese yyyyaaaaayyyy!!!

hey lady, cheeese makes me poop yyyyaaaaahhhhh!!!