A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your **** dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."


LMAO...

E.

 

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.



E.

 

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

E.

 

last one .... promise....

A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still ****ing talking aren't you?"


E.

 

ok ok.... gotta share this one... not for the week stomached

A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea".

E.
I'll go back to my corner now...

 

tornado one is pretty accurate

 

... ... ... :SPLAT:...:jerkoff ......

 

 

 

fawkin sick woman...where does she gets this ****

 

ok .. here's another...

a guy laying in bed.. Wants to have sex with his wife… so he starts hitting on her…

she turns to him and says "Honey we can't, I have a gynological appointment in the morning.."

So he rolls over to try and go to sleep..

5 min later he turns back and asks "You don’t' have a dentist appointment do you…..?"



E.

 

that joke kills me

 

LMAO at Love Wads

 

Good **** E!!!

 

well reckon I might as well add another to the list

these two gay guys were gettin ready to go out for the night and one looks to the other and asks if he could use his bathroom before they leave.. the one says "Sure, but no wankin off in there. Save it for later" and the other agrees... he goes in and he's gone for a good bit.. the one gay is startin to get worried and goes to check on him... only to find when he opens the door that his lover is frantically trying to clean seman off the walls and counter... furious the one gay squeels "I told you no wanking off to save it for later...." the other gay replies back "I didn't.... I farted"

sick sick sick.. but funny as hell.............
E.

 

GROSS!!!

 

That is enoughnow NO more

 

nope.. a few more


what do you call a blonde with *** runnin out of her nose ??????



FULL


I know I know an oldy.. but still a goody...

__________________________________________________ ___


ok... how about a redneck joke...

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

__________________________________________________


Whats another name for a push-up bra?



False advertisement...

_____________________________________________

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible rush. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."


E.

 

Bar Translations....

1. "You get this round and the next round is on me." I'll be leaving before the next round.

2. "I'll get this round and the next one is on you." Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $3.50.

3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.

4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female) I'm easy.

5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male) I'm gay.

6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.

7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?

8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female) You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

9. I don't feel well, let's go home." (male) I'm horny.

10. "Who's got the next round?" I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.

E.