Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol
containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING;tHe crumSumPten of alcahol maou tiNk you can Tipe reAl gode

 

They forgot one important one!

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make others around you seem more attractive than they really are, and you to be less discretionary.

 

Most of those apply to me.

However, alcohol or not, I am smarter, tougher, and better looking that most people.

 

I am sure this one applies to you the most tho....

"WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back."

 

Sometimes those bigger girls throw me around a bit...