It's Time For Your Annual "am I Gay?" Self Examination For Men
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From: flint
It's Time For Your Annual "am I Gay?" Self Examination For Men
IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF EXAMINATION FOR MEN:
1. If you are over thirty-five, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your *** over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, nookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a *******. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-q ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or **** in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ***. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-*** driver or to cut the punk off.
1. If you are over thirty-five, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your *** over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, nookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a *******. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-q ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or **** in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ***. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-*** driver or to cut the punk off.
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