What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?.. Slap her.

Why did the woman cross the road? It doesn't matter, what was she doing out of the kitchen!

 

Haha. This looks like the making of a never ending thread. Too bad I don't have any to contribute.

 

Ok, if your dog is barking at the back door of your house, and your wife is shouting at the front, which one do you let in first?

The dog! At least he'll shut up when you let him in.


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What do you do if your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen bitching at you?

Shorten the chain.

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Why don't women need watches? Theres a clock on the stove.

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When is the only time a woman should see the sun?
When the roof blows off her kitchen.

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whats the first thing a woman should do after leaving the abuse shelter?

-the dishes if she knows whats good for her!

 

what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

nothing, you done told the bitch twice

 

"remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours"

Now that's good reading!

What do you do if your snowblower stops working?

Give her a shovel.

***

Why are womens feet smaller than mens?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

 

lmao this is good

 

Why are there so many homes for battered women?


Cause they just don't listen

 

Why are there so many homes for battered women?
























CAUSE THEY JUST DON'T ****ING LISTEN!

 

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?




Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.

 

Why does a bride wear white....
So the dishwasher matches the stove and refrigerator

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years the job still sucks.

Why are most cyclones and tornadoes named after women?
Because they don't come very often but when they do come, they Make a Hell of a noise and when they go, they take half your house with them.

Why can't you trust women?
How can you trust something that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die?

ok I'm done for now.. I know im forgetting another really good one but I'm sure someone will say it.. :YEAH

 

why hasnt a woman been on the moon yet?


it doesnt need cleaned

 

What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered womans' shelter?




The dishes if she knows whats good for her.

p.s.- these are all oldies, but I figured I'd post the basics, and hope some people start adding new ones

 

Why can't women ski?




Because there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.

 

What do you do if your wife says she has to leave for a minute and go to the store?




Shoot the bitch, she's trying to get away.

 

What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?




Woman

 

How are women like floor tiles?



You lay them once, and walk all over them the rest of their life.

 

Q-How do you blind a woman?

A-Put a windshield in front of her
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Q-How is a woman like a laxative?

A-They both irritate the s.hit out of you
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Q-What's a surefire way to make a woman orgasm?

A-Who f.ucking cares
-----
Q-Why do women have arms?

A-Because I don't want to find out how long it would take the bitch to lick the bathroom clean.
-----
Q-How did the man lose 120 extra pounds?

A-He got a divorce

 

od1's on a roll!.. hmm.. chauvanism is good... wonder if we should start a racist joke thread?

 

Od1-kenobe is my inssensitive hero!