What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? When you drop your load in the washing machine it doesn't follow you around for 3 weeks.

 

What do you get when you mix a girl, a battery and potato chips?

A girl who's Eveready and Frito-Lay.

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The 22 Most Important People in a womans Life...

1. The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes."

2. The Dentist because he says, "Open Wide."

3. The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown."

4. The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"

5. The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."

6. The Banker because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."

7. The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."

8. The Mailman because he always delivers his package.

9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.

10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

11. The chef because he knows how to cook.

12. The small appliance repair man because he revs it up.

13. The furniture mover because he knows right where to put it.

14. The aerobics instructor because he gets results.

15. The neighbor cuz he keeps things interesting.

16. The alien cuz he's the kinkiest.

17. The magician cuz he appreciates what I have up my sleeve.

18. Microsoft Word Thesaurus Manager cuz he knows what I want, just needs some more training.

19. My pretend weight guesser at the circus cuz he always gives me a compliment.

20. The Australian cuz his kisses are down under.

21. The computer whiz, cuz he knows what to do.

22. The insurance man cuz he pulls out his policy.

23. The vacuum salesman cuz he makes me scream the word.

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The Woman Was Only The ...

...Admiral's daughter, but her naval base was always full of seamen.
...Astronaut's daughter, but she knew how to take off.
...Athlete's daughter, but she was always ready to play ball.
...Barman's daughter, but she knew how to pull them.
...Blacksmith's daughter, but she knew how to forge ahead.
...Bookbinder's daughter, but she knew her way between the sheets.
...Bricklayer's daughter, but she was certainly stacked.
...Butcher's daughter, but there wasn't much more she could loin.
...Cattleman's daughter, but she couldn't keep her calves together.
...Cave man's daughter, but you should have seen what dinosaur.
...Chimney sweeps daughter, but she could haul ash.
...Clergyman's daughter, but you couldn't put anything pastor.
...Cobbler's daughter, but she was built to last.
...Communist's daughter, but all the boys got a share.
...Doctor's daughter, but she really knew how to operate.
...Draftsman's daughter, but she never knew where to draw the line.
...Electrician's daughter, but she lit up half the town.
...Electrician's daughter, but she had good connections.
...Farmer's daughter, but she knew hundreds of ways to fertilize.
...Film Censor's daughter, but she didn't know when to cut it out.
...Fisherman's daughter, but all the guys swallowed her lines.
...Fishmonger's daughter, but she lay on the slab and said fillet.
...Flag-wavers daughter, But she'd let her standards down for anyone.
...Florist's daughter, but she had the best tulips in town.
...Fruit Vendor's daughter, but she certainly had a pail.
...Gravedigger's daughter, but she liked lying under the sod.
...Insurance broker's daughter, but all the guys liked her policy.
...Jockey's daughter, but all the horse manure.
...Lighthouse keeper's daughter, but she never went out at night.
...Milkman's daughter, but she was cream of the crop.
...Moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still.
...Musician's daughter, but she knew all the bars in town.
...Optician's daughter, but after a few of glasses made a spectacle of herself.
...Parachutists daughter, but she was free-4-all
...Philanthropist's daughter, but she kept giving things away.
...Photographer's daughter, but she was really developed.
...Pitcher's daughter, but you should have seen her curves.
...Plumber's daughter, but she made good use of her fixtures.
...Professor's daughter, but she gave all the boys a lesson.
...Real Estate Agent's daughter, but she gave a lot away.
...Road Worker's daughter, but she knew how to get her asphalt.
...Statistician's daughter, but she knew all the standard deviations.
...Steelworker's daughter, but you should see that pig iron.
...Telegrapher's daughter, but she sure didit... didit... didit....
...Tree Feller's daughter, but t'ree fellas were never enough for her.
...Undertaker's daughter, but she knew how to lay a stiff.
...Vacuum Salesman's daughter, but she knew how to suck!
...Violinists daughter, but she took off her G-string and all the boys fiddled.
...Weatherman's daughter, but she sure had a warm front.
...Woodcutter's daughter, but you could hear her ring bark for miles.

 

Why should you not date women you meet in the laundromat?


If she can't afford a washing machine, she sure as hell can't support you.

 

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?


Pregnant

 

What is the definition of a successful man?



A man who can make more than his bitch spends

 

I always have the last word in an argument. Anything she says after that constitutes a new argument.

 

What's the definition of a perfect woman?

She f.ucks all night and at midnight she turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six-pack.

 

What is the definition of a wife?

An attachment that you screw on the bed to get the housework done

 

How do you make a hormone?

Put sand in the KY

 

Why do women have ****?

So men will talk to them

 

Why did the woman have her period?

The b.itch deserved it.

 

Whats the best kind of fish to catch?

*****. One good day of fishing and you can eat for months

 

OMG lol thats great. Absolutely great!

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are walking through the park when they pass 3 women on a bench. Sherlock greets them and continues on his way. Dr Watson says " Do you know those 3 women?" Holmes replies "No, I didnt know the hooker, the nun or the newly wed wife."
"So then How did you know that about them?" inquires Watson.
"Well they were all eating banana's, the hooker held it with one hand and took the whole thing, the nun was breaking off and eating a piece at a time, and the newly wed was holding the bannana with one hand and forcing her head towards it with the other.

(maybe not chauvanistic, but I liked it)

 

Why is a womans ***** so close to her a$$hole?
So when she gets drunk you can carry her home like a 6-Pack

 

:YEAH why do women have smaller feet then men? Its one of those evolutionary things that let them stand closer to the kitchen sink.

what do you doo when your girls watch breaks? nothin theres a clock on the stove.

:YEAH

 

heres some more everyone

how do you know hen a womens fixing to say something smart? she begins with a man once told me........

why do men fart more than women? because a woman can't shut up long enough to build up the reguired pressure

all wives are alike they just have different faces so you can tell them apart

whats worse than a male chauvinist pig? a woman that wont do what she's told

i married miss right. just didn't didn't know her first name was always

i haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months; i don't like to interupt her

what do you call a woman that lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced

Bigamy is having one wife too many; many say monogomy is the same

scientist have discovered a food that deminishes a womans sex drive by 90%. its called wedding cake

marriage is a three rind circus: engagement RING, wedding RING, and suffeRING

our last fight was my fault; my wife asked what was one the tv and i said dust

in the beginning god created the earth and rested, then created man and rested. then god created woman; since then neither man nor gad have rested

my wife and i are inseparable. In fact last week it took four state troopers and a dog

whats the difference detween a dog and a fox? about 5 drinks

do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers in law

a mans son asked him if what he had heard was true; that in some parts off africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. the father replied that happens in every country son.

women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are beautiful

hope ya'll like :YEAH

 

what's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
sheep can't cook

 

That ****ing rocks!!!

 

THIS IS THE BEST ON YET!!!