These are actual clippings from church
newspapers. It's amazing what a little
proofreading could've prevented.

______________________________

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will
be speaking tonight at The Calvary Memorial
Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear
Bertha Belch all the wayfrom Africa.

_____________________________

Don't forget the National PRAYER & FASTING
Conference. "The cost for attending the
Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
_____________________________

Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the school recreation
hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ
the King.
_____________________________

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This
Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.
_____________________________

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not
worth keeping around the house. Don't forget
your husbands."
_____________________________

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire
at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and
guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for
a fun time.
_____________________________

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today
has been canceled due to a conflict.
_____________________________

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
Water."

The sermon tonight will be: "Searching for
Jesus"
_____________________________

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the
choir. They need all the help they can get.
_____________________________

Barbara Jones remains in the hospital and
needs blood donors for more transfusions.
She is also having trouble sleeping and
requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
_____________________________

The Rector will preach his farewell message
after which the choir will sing "Break
Forth into Joy."
_____________________________

Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
_____________________________

Irving Benson and Jessica Carter were married
on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.
_____________________________

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening
in the church hall. Music will follow.
_____________________________

At the evening service tonight, the sermon
topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early
and listen to our choir practice.
_____________________________

Eight new choir robes are currently needed,
due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.
_____________________________

The senior choir invites any member of the
congregation who enjoy sinning to join the
choir.
_____________________________

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and
other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be
used to cripple children.
_____________________________

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM.
Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread
and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
_____________________________

For those of you who have children and don't
know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
_____________________________

Please place your donation in the envelope
along with the deceased person(s) you
want remembered.
_____________________________

Attend this meeting and you will hear an
excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
_____________________________

The church will host an evening of fine
dining, superb entertainment, and gracious
hostility.
_____________________________

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer
and medication to follow.
_____________________________

The ladies of the Church have cast off
clothing of every kind. They may be seen
in the basement on Friday afternoon.
_____________________________

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday
morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to
lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B.S. is done.
_____________________________

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet
Thursday at 8 PM, Please use the back door.
_____________________________

The eighth-graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the Church
basement on Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation
is invited to attend this tragedy.
_____________________________

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door
at the side entrance.
_____________________________

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital
this week for testes.
_____________________________

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's
new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Now Up Yours."

 

that was great

 

hahaha man thats sad

 

Those are pretty good.Sad but good.