The Things Kids Do
09-15-2003, 10:56 AM
#1
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The Things Kids Do
For those with No children - this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious. For those who have children this age - this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children - this is birth control.
>
>The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
>
>Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
>
>1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
>
>2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
>
>3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
>
>4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
>
>5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>
>6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
>
>7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
>
>8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
>
>9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
>
>10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
>
>11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence
>
>12. Super glue is forever.
>
>13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
>
>14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
>
>15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
>
>16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>
>17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
>
>18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
>
>19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
>
>20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
>
>21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
>
>22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
>
>23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid
Marc
>
>The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
>
>Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
>
>1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
>
>2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
>
>3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
>
>4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
>
>5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>
>6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
>
>7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
>
>8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
>
>9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
>
>10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
>
>11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence
>
>12. Super glue is forever.
>
>13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
>
>14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
>
>15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
>
>16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>
>17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
>
>18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
>
>19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
>
>20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
>
>21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
>
>22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
>
>23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid
Marc
09-15-2003, 02:46 PM
#3
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Age: 39
Posts: 714
OMG this is the funnyest thing i've seen in years ! I swear I couldn't stop laughting and my stomach still hurts. I'm in tears !
And when I read #8 I wanted to try it (before I read the last one)
And when I read #8 I wanted to try it (before I read the last one)
09-15-2003, 03:25 PM
#4
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 4,621
Originally posted by onsomething
OMG this is the funnyest thing i've seen in years ! I swear I couldn't stop laughting and my stomach still hurts. I'm in tears !
And when I read #8 I wanted to try it (before I read the last one)
OMG this is the funnyest thing i've seen in years ! I swear I couldn't stop laughting and my stomach still hurts. I'm in tears !
And when I read #8 I wanted to try it (before I read the last one)
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