awful, dirty jokes
Thread Starter
Registered User
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 476
From: houston ( clear lake )
awful, dirty jokes
A ***** says to his ***** ’ come on lads we’re going to a party. ’ The ***** reply ’ You fukin liar, you go inside and leave us outside knocking!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between women and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn’t follow you around for two weeks after you put a load into it
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I picked up my date last Saturday and as she got into the car I really noticed how provocatably sexy she was dressed. When I got into the drivers seat she opened the conversation by saying "Gee, you smell great tonight, what have you got on? Dazed by her beauty, I replied, "I’ve got a hard on, but I didn’t know you could smell it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A husband, wife and their seven-year-old son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says "I’ll have a chocolate cone, and my wife here will have a vanilla."
He then slaps his son on the back of the head and says: "What do you want, fat-head?"
The lady behind the counter, shocked, says, "Why did you call him that?"
"I’ll tell you why," says the dad. "There’s really only three things a man wants in life.
First, he wants a nice big truck. See that nice big truck parked outside? That’s mine.
Second, he wants a nice big house. I have one of the biggest houses in town. Third, and most important, he wants a nice tight ***** and I had that too until fat-head here came along.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman walks into a doctors office and sits down. She asks the nurse to speak to the doctor in his office because she has a problem that she cannot talk about. The doctor calls her in. At first she is too embarrassed to tell him but then she finally gives in. She says"Doctor, I have a problem with my...well...um down there." The doctors asks her what the problem is because it could be anything. She says, "You have to make sure no one knows of this because i would just die, my ***** lips are....abnormal." The doctor asks if they are a little big or what the deal is and the lady says "theyre ****in huge". The doctor says that they will give her the surgery immediately. The woman then comes in and has the surgery done. She wakes up and there are 3 roses lying next to her on the bed. She starts freakin. "I want my doctor. Where is he!" The doctor comes rushing in and calms her down. "Where the **** did these roses come from. I told you to keep it confidential". The doctor says, " Well maam, the first rose is from me because I am proud of the way you handled the operation. There were no problems." She says, "and the others" Then he says," The second one is from my secretary because she has the same problem but has always been too scared to get it fixed." She says, "And, the third" The doctor says" The third rose is from the kid at the burn center, he thanks you for his new ears!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They’ll go to heaven and you’ll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."
The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.
"I choose this room!" the man says.
"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.
"You can go now. I’ve found you’re replacement."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between women and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn’t follow you around for two weeks after you put a load into it
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I picked up my date last Saturday and as she got into the car I really noticed how provocatably sexy she was dressed. When I got into the drivers seat she opened the conversation by saying "Gee, you smell great tonight, what have you got on? Dazed by her beauty, I replied, "I’ve got a hard on, but I didn’t know you could smell it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A husband, wife and their seven-year-old son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says "I’ll have a chocolate cone, and my wife here will have a vanilla."
He then slaps his son on the back of the head and says: "What do you want, fat-head?"
The lady behind the counter, shocked, says, "Why did you call him that?"
"I’ll tell you why," says the dad. "There’s really only three things a man wants in life.
First, he wants a nice big truck. See that nice big truck parked outside? That’s mine.
Second, he wants a nice big house. I have one of the biggest houses in town. Third, and most important, he wants a nice tight ***** and I had that too until fat-head here came along.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman walks into a doctors office and sits down. She asks the nurse to speak to the doctor in his office because she has a problem that she cannot talk about. The doctor calls her in. At first she is too embarrassed to tell him but then she finally gives in. She says"Doctor, I have a problem with my...well...um down there." The doctors asks her what the problem is because it could be anything. She says, "You have to make sure no one knows of this because i would just die, my ***** lips are....abnormal." The doctor asks if they are a little big or what the deal is and the lady says "theyre ****in huge". The doctor says that they will give her the surgery immediately. The woman then comes in and has the surgery done. She wakes up and there are 3 roses lying next to her on the bed. She starts freakin. "I want my doctor. Where is he!" The doctor comes rushing in and calms her down. "Where the **** did these roses come from. I told you to keep it confidential". The doctor says, " Well maam, the first rose is from me because I am proud of the way you handled the operation. There were no problems." She says, "and the others" Then he says," The second one is from my secretary because she has the same problem but has always been too scared to get it fixed." She says, "And, the third" The doctor says" The third rose is from the kid at the burn center, he thanks you for his new ears!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They’ll go to heaven and you’ll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."
The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.
"I choose this room!" the man says.
"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.
"You can go now. I’ve found you’re replacement."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
...
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 16,298
From: Denver, ColoRADo
Re: awful, dirty jokes
A woman walks into a obgyn and tells him her husband has complained about her bad vaginal odor, but she doesnt notice it. The dr. checks her out for 2 minutes and recomends immediate surgury. The woman ask"For my vag?" he replies "god no....FOR YOUR NOSTROILS!!!!!"
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
KGAP
Newbie Welcome Center
0
Jul 10, 2014 07:22 AM
