For a laugh 2....
08-26-2005, 11:49 AM
#1
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
Age: 40
Posts: 1,852
For a laugh 2....
Here's a few more i found!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert. They came upon a castle. Dying of thirst, they decided to go into the Castle.
Inside they found no men, just dozens of beautiful women. The three men decided to stay(obviously, what man wouldn't). For a week, they enjoyed themselves having sex many times a day with all of the beautiful women.
After a week, the King of the casltle and his army of men came back. As he walked into his castle, he found the three men with his women. Upset, the King ordered his army to capture the three men and line them up against the wall. Then the king siad that each of them would be severely punished according to thier occupation.
The kings goes up to the first man and demands to know his occupation. The first man replies, "Fireman." The king tells the army, "Burn off his panis."
Then walked over to the second man and asked his occupation. Hesitating the man said, "I...I...I...I'm a police officer." The king ordered, "Shoot off his *****."
Then finally the king asks the third man his occupation. With a huge smile on his face the man replied, "Lollipop salesman."
.................................................. .............................................
A trucker who ha driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making love. He blew his horn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammmed on the breaks and stopped just inches from them.
Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled. "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"
The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
.................................................. ............................................
A man walked out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A street cop on his beat sees the guy and approaches him.
"Can I help you, sir?" Said the cop.
"Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replied.
The policeman asked, " Where was the car when you last saw it?"
"It was at the end of my key." The man replied.
About that time the officer looked down to see that the man's d!ck was hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asked the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourelf?"
The man looked down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "Oh, God. They got my girlfriend too!"
.................................................. ..........................................
Littl Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate him into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, " When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the fireplace."
Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
.................................................. ............................................
Bob was driving home after a day at the construction site; over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph. Wouldn'y ya know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent illegal alien incedents.
The cop walked up to the window and said,"Do you know how afst you were going BOY?" Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding and you are getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good look at the young Bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why I've never seen anyone look so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob said, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said "What kind of job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a c*nt stretcher,"Bob replied.
"What you say BOY?" asked the patrolman. "A C*nt stretcher."
Of course the cop asked, "What's a c*nt stretcher do?"
Bob explained," Girls call me up and say they want to be stretched so i go over there and start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then the whole hand, then two. Then i pull them farther apart until it is six feet across."
The cop absorbed with the images in his mind, let down his guard and asked, "What the hell you want with a six foot c*nt?"
Bob nonchalantly commented, "You give it a radar gun and a stick at the end of a bridge!"
.................................................. ............................................
A Nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood Cowboy bar. The place was hoping with music and dancing but evryonce in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the Nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May i please use your restroom?"
The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."
"Why not?" the Nun asked.
"Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his private part is covered by only a big fig leaf."
"Nonsense", said the Nun, "I'll Just look the other way."
So the bartender showed the Nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hoping with music and dancing again. However, they stop just long enoughto give the nun a round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said,"Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know your one of us," said the bartender, "would you like a drink?"
"But I still don't understand, " said the puzzled Nun. "You see", laughed the bartender, "everytime the fig leaf is lifted on that statue, the lights go out in the whole place...Now how about that drink?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert. They came upon a castle. Dying of thirst, they decided to go into the Castle.
Inside they found no men, just dozens of beautiful women. The three men decided to stay(obviously, what man wouldn't). For a week, they enjoyed themselves having sex many times a day with all of the beautiful women.
After a week, the King of the casltle and his army of men came back. As he walked into his castle, he found the three men with his women. Upset, the King ordered his army to capture the three men and line them up against the wall. Then the king siad that each of them would be severely punished according to thier occupation.
The kings goes up to the first man and demands to know his occupation. The first man replies, "Fireman." The king tells the army, "Burn off his panis."
Then walked over to the second man and asked his occupation. Hesitating the man said, "I...I...I...I'm a police officer." The king ordered, "Shoot off his *****."
Then finally the king asks the third man his occupation. With a huge smile on his face the man replied, "Lollipop salesman."
.................................................. .............................................
A trucker who ha driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making love. He blew his horn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammmed on the breaks and stopped just inches from them.
Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled. "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"
The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
.................................................. ............................................
A man walked out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A street cop on his beat sees the guy and approaches him.
"Can I help you, sir?" Said the cop.
"Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replied.
The policeman asked, " Where was the car when you last saw it?"
"It was at the end of my key." The man replied.
About that time the officer looked down to see that the man's d!ck was hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asked the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourelf?"
The man looked down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "Oh, God. They got my girlfriend too!"
.................................................. ..........................................
Littl Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate him into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, " When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the fireplace."
Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
.................................................. ............................................
Bob was driving home after a day at the construction site; over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph. Wouldn'y ya know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent illegal alien incedents.
The cop walked up to the window and said,"Do you know how afst you were going BOY?" Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding and you are getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good look at the young Bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why I've never seen anyone look so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob said, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said "What kind of job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a c*nt stretcher,"Bob replied.
"What you say BOY?" asked the patrolman. "A C*nt stretcher."
Of course the cop asked, "What's a c*nt stretcher do?"
Bob explained," Girls call me up and say they want to be stretched so i go over there and start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then the whole hand, then two. Then i pull them farther apart until it is six feet across."
The cop absorbed with the images in his mind, let down his guard and asked, "What the hell you want with a six foot c*nt?"
Bob nonchalantly commented, "You give it a radar gun and a stick at the end of a bridge!"
.................................................. ............................................
A Nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood Cowboy bar. The place was hoping with music and dancing but evryonce in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the Nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May i please use your restroom?"
The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."
"Why not?" the Nun asked.
"Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his private part is covered by only a big fig leaf."
"Nonsense", said the Nun, "I'll Just look the other way."
So the bartender showed the Nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hoping with music and dancing again. However, they stop just long enoughto give the nun a round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said,"Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know your one of us," said the bartender, "would you like a drink?"
"But I still don't understand, " said the puzzled Nun. "You see", laughed the bartender, "everytime the fig leaf is lifted on that statue, the lights go out in the whole place...Now how about that drink?"
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