This is what Kevin has all his new dates sign at the bars, or before going out.

I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of
friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips(including Psycho trips), and near-pregnancies in
exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling, fornication, or just plain missionary sex.
I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or
otherwise contact/harass, stalk or vex said co-signer of contract for a time
of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have
been fulfilled. I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors,
misnomers and dirty looks in the bar from myself and friends,
and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger.
I will say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly,
if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of herefore listed
activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant yet
oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-
signer's abode for the sole purpose of returning to said abode and
breaking the no-contact agreement of this document.

I furthermore state that I am of sound mind(medical proof will be needed for extreme cases) and desirable body,
and will not call said co-signer by any other name than is his or her own,
nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover who wore the same
cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of
all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity.

 

 

lol

 

I printed 10 copies just for this weekend!

 

LMAO