ok so bored at work, trying to keep myself entertained from the daily droll of work. Trying to think of some things to do to keep myslef entertained.


I was thinking of doing the changing the m and n on everyones key board


any other thoughts?

 

Bring in a paint ball gun and shoot all the fat people :YEAH

 

I have a paintball gun......

 

something that wont get me fired, besides there are no fat people at my work believe it or not

 

Hmmm, well than lets see. You could always do an upper decker in the employee bathroom. Thats always good for a few laughs

 

unplug computer monitors when knowones looking, it make me laugh here at school

 

like I said, nothing that will get me fired.

I was actually thinking of taking the forklift and blocking the marketing director in his office for an hour or so

 

Well if your going to shoot down all of my idea I am just gonna keep them to myself

 

i was gonna post a few but he will just shoot mine down
too. he'll say and i quote...
"those are all stupid idea's, and you're from NH....nuff said"

 

lmao!

post it up anyway

 

See that part I dont understand is you have access to a forklift and yet your still bored dude, start lifting heavy things and then droping them on stuff

 

call other peoples extentions at work and pretend to be
someone else and f)ck w/ them about somethin....funny ****

 

LMAO, oh thats great my sides are hurting

 

what i did once.....
i work in a parts dept. for Volvo in Manchester and i have a hand operated
fork lift for the pallets of parts that come in. so i took the fork lift and moved
one of the technicians tool boxes across to the other side of the shop
away from his work bay. what was funny is that he had removed the wheels
on his box so noone could move it on him. so i propped it up on some plates
and got the lift under his box. after i moved it, then i had taken the lift to my house and when he went to get it moved, i said the lift was at the hydraulic shop for repairs. and it wouldn't be back for a week. i had other means of moving my ****, but he had to work out of his box from about 70 feet away from his bay. for almost a full week. till this day he still doesn't know who did it. i got that fawker good. sorry that this post was long.

 

Actual Marketing Flops
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example...

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals". Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company's mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."

Chicken-man Frank Perdue's slogan, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," got terribly mangled in another Spanish translation. A photo of Perdue with one of his birds appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained "It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused."

Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big breasts." In this case, however, the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

and finally...

In an effort to boost orange juice sales in predominantly continental breakfast eating England, a campaign was devised to extoll the drink's eye-opening, pick-me-up qualities. Hence, the slogan, "Orange juice. It gets your pecker up."

 

that's interesting, but i can see now you are really bored.

 

What The Job Ad Says And What It Really Means
Work processing skills essential
There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future

Salary range $24,000- $32,000
The salary is $24,000

Civil service
This job was filled from the inside six months ago

Women and minorities encouraged
White males need not waste the stamp to apply

Top-notch communications skills
Telemarketing

Salary negotiable
We'll take the lowest bidder

Advancement opportunity
Crappy job

Entry level
Really a crappy job

No experience necessary
The mother of all crap jobs

Administrative assistant:
Crap job with a title.

Ground floor opportunity:
Crap job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year.

Progressive company:
Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday.

Team player:
Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities.

Upbeat personality:
Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug & alcohol rehab benefit within the first year.

Public relations:
Receptionist

Professional appearance important:
$20K/yr job that requires a $100K/yr wardrobe

Pleasant telephone manner:
Be the voice of 1-900-HOT-TIME

Jeans job!
Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions.

Will train:
Prior conviction of a felony or two no problem.

B.A. required, master's preferred:
Must be an M.A. willing to work on a B.A.'s salary

Outstanding benefits package:
Health insurance.

Tons of variety!
We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do & rolled them into one job.

Beautiful offices in attractive location:
Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting.

Secretary:
Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management & wages of a migrant worker.

Executive secretary:
The most powerful position in the company

Dedicated:
You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week from now until we force you into early retirement.

Salary commensurate:
We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like.

Competitive salary:
We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job and not one penny more.

Competitive starting salary:
Ten cents above minimum wage.

Pleasant atmosphere:
A staff of pod people.

Professional atmosphere:
Zombie pod people.

Fun, creative atmosphere:
Pod people from hell.

Dynamic atmosphere:
Zombie pod people from hell.

Gal Friday:
Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it.

Self-starter:
Open to very broad interpretation since no one really knows what

 

How to sell lawnmowers

A young man just got a new job running the register at a store. The old-timer said he would teach him how to sell things. "Watch how I do it" he said to the new hire as a man came up to the counter.

The customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter. The old-timer then said to him "You know when you plant those seeds and the grass starts growing you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut that grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need to get a new mower, sure I'll take one."

After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A man then stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman then said, "You know you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that."

The man then asked the young salesman, "What are you talking about?" "Well," he said, "It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass!"

 

I would have sold him a tarp

 

Big Boss Man

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the ******* spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the ******* being the Boss. So the ******* went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the ******* should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the ****!

Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss - any ******* will do.