post em up

 

A couple had only been married for a few weeks. The husband, although veryn much in love, couldn't wait to get out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy-coo...?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar pretty face, to have a beer."

The wife says, want a beer, my love?" She opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different brands of beers from 12 different countries. The husband didn't know what to do.

The only thing that he could say was, "Yes, but at the bar...you know...they have...frozen mugs."

He didn't get to finish the sentence. The wife interrupted him, saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"

She opened the freezer and handed him a frozen solid mug.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those special hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be to long...I'll be right back...I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochy poo?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: spicy chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, fried mushrooms, pork strips, cheese dip, the works.

But sweetie, at the bar...you know...the guys are cussing and swearing..."

The wife replies, "You want cussing and swearing, cutie pie?

THEN LISTEN UP, ********! DRINK YOUR ****IN BEER, IN THIS GODDAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR MOTHER****ING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING OUT WITH YOUR ****ED UP FRIENDS ANYMORE! YOU GOT THAT, *******??

 

MessageSpecifically, famous sex quotes, didn't want your respective email filters stopping these! On with the good stuff.....

Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Steve Martin: "You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."

Drew Carey: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."

Woody Allen: "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

George Burns: "It isn't premarital sex, if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns: "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

Lynn Lavner: "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women ... among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."

And the best:

Harvey Korman: "Using Viagra is like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building."

 

Subject: Never Say to a Cop......

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

I'm sure these have already been posted somewhere, but who cares can always laugh at cop jokes.

 

Jay after he gets married

 

The Toilet at Work

 

this picture taken by jays former lover gary!!!!

 

If you look close I think you see a couple of tricycles in the yard

 

 

-Hillbilly Vasectomy
After having their 11th child, a North Georgia Mountain couple decided 11 was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in the North Georgia Mountains), light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world,but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me, " said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and pu t it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"

"3"
"4"
"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, North and South Carolina, West Virginia, Arkansas and parts of Alabama.

 

 

so just remember if you have a cherry bomb in a can dont count to ten

 

When a woman is having her period why do that call it her "period"?

























































Becuase Mad Cow disease was already taken

 

lmao

 

omfg that's funny

 

Jay.... That is so Gay!

 

its the truth though


u gotta look out for the red rampage