A few stories of my fucked up life...
Thread Starter
florida! finally
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,882
From: clearwater fl
A few stories of my fucked up life...
my wife has 2 problems. one is the fact that everytime she gets drunk she gets mean. she always looks for a fight, or a way to make me feel like ****. the other problem is that every morning after she gets drunk she has an explosive watery ****. one night she pushed me to far.
she was drunk of course and felling a little frisky so we we messing around and i tried to put it in the butt, she got mad and started talking **** about how i'm no good and my dick is small, and that she probally wouldn't even feel it. so we never did have sex.
after she went to sleep i couldn't get the pain of her saying my dick was small out of my head. i wanted to embarrass her as much as she embarrased me. so i got an idea
i went to my sons room and got his bag of marbles. i then went to my secret stash and got a bottle of lube. i could just image her reactions when you **** marbles the next morning. i lubed them up one at a time and slowly pushed each one in. about a hundered in all. i got so excited i jerked off then giggled myself to sleep.
the next morning i woke up so excited i couldn't stand it. i made allot of noise getting dressed so she would wake up. she did and not 3 minutes later she said " oh my stomach. not again" and ran to the bathroom. i was in there brushing my teeth. usually she would tell me to leave but the urge was to intense. she sat down and let it rip.
she dam near had a heart attack from the noise. the marbles hitting the porcelin sounded like a machine gun going off in the bathroon. she turned white as a sheet and stood up. still shtiting all over the place. marbles rolling all over the floor as they bounced around. it took her a couple of minutes to put it all together. she said " what the ****" i just laughed and laughed as she packed her **** and left.
i really do kind of miss her though.
she was drunk of course and felling a little frisky so we we messing around and i tried to put it in the butt, she got mad and started talking **** about how i'm no good and my dick is small, and that she probally wouldn't even feel it. so we never did have sex.
after she went to sleep i couldn't get the pain of her saying my dick was small out of my head. i wanted to embarrass her as much as she embarrased me. so i got an idea
i went to my sons room and got his bag of marbles. i then went to my secret stash and got a bottle of lube. i could just image her reactions when you **** marbles the next morning. i lubed them up one at a time and slowly pushed each one in. about a hundered in all. i got so excited i jerked off then giggled myself to sleep.
the next morning i woke up so excited i couldn't stand it. i made allot of noise getting dressed so she would wake up. she did and not 3 minutes later she said " oh my stomach. not again" and ran to the bathroom. i was in there brushing my teeth. usually she would tell me to leave but the urge was to intense. she sat down and let it rip.
she dam near had a heart attack from the noise. the marbles hitting the porcelin sounded like a machine gun going off in the bathroon. she turned white as a sheet and stood up. still shtiting all over the place. marbles rolling all over the floor as they bounced around. it took her a couple of minutes to put it all together. she said " what the ****" i just laughed and laughed as she packed her **** and left.
i really do kind of miss her though.
Thread Starter
florida! finally
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,882
From: clearwater fl
Re: A few stories of my fucked up life...
this is probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was at my girlfriends house tonight for dinner, and shortly after i had to go #2. My Gf's brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering.
AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomach was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC Slatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF's parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf's mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tomorrow. I am so embarrassed and I hope my gf doesn't blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.
AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomach was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC Slatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF's parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf's mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tomorrow. I am so embarrassed and I hope my gf doesn't blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.
Thread Starter
florida! finally
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,882
From: clearwater fl
Re: A few stories of my fucked up life...
So I have a window in my bathroom that is pretty high up so that when I stand by it you can only see me from the shoulder up.
What I really like to do is to open that window and very carefully and slowly with one hand jerk off while people walk by and my neighbors are outside.
You have to really keep a straight face and you have to learn to not move your shoulder when you jerk it, nice and smooth.
I actually had a pretty decent conversation with my neighbor (fat chick) about the weather two days ago while I was, unbenownst to her, pleasuring myself.
What I really like to do is to open that window and very carefully and slowly with one hand jerk off while people walk by and my neighbors are outside.
You have to really keep a straight face and you have to learn to not move your shoulder when you jerk it, nice and smooth.
I actually had a pretty decent conversation with my neighbor (fat chick) about the weather two days ago while I was, unbenownst to her, pleasuring myself.
Thread Starter
florida! finally
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,882
From: clearwater fl
Re: A few stories of my fucked up life...
I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to **********. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid afterwards and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.
Waiting For Email Confirmation
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 960
From: orlando, FL
Re: A few stories of my fucked up life...
this is probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was at my girlfriends house tonight for dinner, and shortly after i had to go #2. My Gf's brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering.
AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomach was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC Slatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF's parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf's mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tomorrow. I am so embarrassed and I hope my gf doesn't blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.
AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomach was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC Slatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF's parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf's mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tomorrow. I am so embarrassed and I hope my gf doesn't blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.
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Administrators
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 55,201
From: Arizona bbiittccheezzz
Re: A few stories of my fucked up life...
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Thread Starter
florida! finally
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,882
From: clearwater fl
