convo's like this are priceless (squid in full effect)
10-06-2005, 01:23 PM
#1
B.T.M.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 17,256
convo's like this are priceless (squid in full effect)
Gixxerboy041k: naw im not sayin you can't wheelie her r6, but theres no point
crtchrktrcr: why no point?
Gixxerboy041k: her bike honestly sucks
Gixxerboy041k: off set weight placement
Gixxerboy041k: her 600 weigh's about 50 pounds more then my 1000
crtchrktrcr: r6's can wheelie like a champ
Gixxerboy041k: i got the front end up
Gixxerboy041k: had to bounce her alittle
crtchrktrcr: i think we are 2 diff styles.. u are like race guy, i'm like stunt guy
crtchrktrcr: i can get a stock r6 up in 3rd easy
Gixxerboy041k: race guy?how do you know i can't stunt?
crtchrktrcr: i didn't say u can't stunt.. but from what i'm hearing from you that's the idea i am getting
crtchrktrcr: u're talkin about weight, and speedo's
Gixxerboy041k: hear me out
Gixxerboy041k: when you change the gearing and the teeth count on the sprocket you **** with the correctness of the speedo.. NOW
Gixxerboy041k: a T.R.E you dont have to change shita tre trickes the bikes ecm intothinking you're in 5th gear all the time
crtchrktrcr: i know duder
crtchrktrcr: timing retard eliminator
crtchrktrcr: i put one on my gix 6, didn't do too much
Gixxerboy041k: yeah so if you have it on there
Gixxerboy041k: there is no need to change gearing
Gixxerboy041k: then you must not have put the correct resistor on it
crtchrktrcr: it wasn't noticable.. u don't understand why i put gearing on, my 929 is -1/+7
Gixxerboy041k: let me ask you somethingwhen you put a tre on your 600. did the N light still come on?
Gixxerboy041k: cuz if it did , then you had the wrong resistor on it
crtchrktrcr: yeah it still cam eon.. oh well.. that was a lot of bikes ago... gearing makes you gears shorter. which means more engine brake.. engine brake is important for off the peg tricks
crtchrktrcr: here duder check this out.. put some time into it, u'll love it
crtchrktrcr: www.stuntlife.com
Gixxerboy041k: i know all about that **** man my cusin scott is a starboy
crtchrktrcr: like you have ftp4 on your site.. u think they have stock gearing?
crtchrktrcr: u're cousin is scott... r u for real
Gixxerboy041k: oh i know they dont
Gixxerboy041k: scott has short **** on his
crtchrktrcr: what is scotts last name?
Gixxerboy041k: cus he does 3-6 mile standing wheelies
crtchrktrcr: hurry
crtchrktrcr: answer
Gixxerboy041k: caraboolad
Gixxerboy041k: right now he rides a panter cbr 900RR
crtchrktrcr: nope: he hasn't ridden a 9rr in a while
crtchrktrcr: he rides a 636
Gixxerboy041k: bullshit cuz he bought the ****er off my brother 3 weeks ago for 4500
Gixxerboy041k: that little ninje blew up on him in july
crtchrktrcr: and he didn't put a new motor in it
Gixxerboy041k: no he did and BLEW IT UP
Gixxerboy041k: that ****in thing blew up twice from lack of oil
Gixxerboy041k: he puts too much in to compensate for the oil pump while up in a standing but the ****ing pumps on them suck ***
Gixxerboy041k: thats one reason he likes the cdr900rr
crtchrktrcr: which is why u get a extended pick up
crtchrktrcr: 900rr's suck, they are carbed
Gixxerboy041k: yeah and cheap to upgrade
crtchrktrcr: he's sponsored.. it shouldn't matter
Gixxerboy041k: what area do you live in?
crtchrktrcr: scottsdale
Gixxerboy041k: ever see a black gsxr1000 with blue neons?
crtchrktrcr: hahahah now i remember you, you had the tank bag
Gixxerboy041k: or a silver hayabusa with red neons?
crtchrktrcr: and u were tryin to power wheelie in the checker parking lot
Gixxerboy041k: are you the fools from out of town that where there spillin oil everywhere?
crtchrktrcr: i just told you i'm from scottsdale, how could i be from out of town?
Gixxerboy041k: one of the guys said he was from out of town
Gixxerboy041k: just moved here or some ****
Gixxerboy041k: riding a ****ed up sixxer i think
crtchrktrcr: <---929
Gixxerboy041k: yeah that night i had my tank bag cuz me and my boy where out just cruisin
Gixxerboy041k: he's affraid to pop his front up so we just chilled
Gixxerboy041k: 1st bike jidders
Gixxerboy041k: never ridin in his life before. and it's never fun to pop wheelies by your self when your with others who can't
Gixxerboy041k: brb
Gixxerboy041k: ight im back
crtchrktrcr: k
Gixxerboy041k: but watch out for that dude ***** man
Gixxerboy041k: he blow bikes up and steals the ****ers too
crtchrktrcr: oh i know,... that's why i said i don't really associate with him
Gixxerboy041k: when i got my bike back in feb i saw him on a 600 all talking about how he has 5 in his garage and **** telling me if i need parts he'd hook me up
Gixxerboy041k: i was like **** that noise
Gixxerboy041k: rims for $100 with rubber and ****
Gixxerboy041k: exhaust and crap
crtchrktrcr: and ppl who run their mouth get caught.. proven fact
Gixxerboy041k: as if 600 **** whould mount to my 1k
Gixxerboy041k: pfffff
Gixxerboy041k: oh i know
Gixxerboy041k: it's only a matter of time before he gets popped for it
Gixxerboy041k: i'm not going to snitch
Gixxerboy041k: but im not going to help him hide that **** either
Gixxerboy041k: when he meet you he probably was all like " bro i got parts i'll hook you up with" and all that **** huh
crtchrktrcr: oh of course
crtchrktrcr: i said u're dumb as ****, and gonna get caught
crtchrktrcr: i know ppl snag bikes..nothin i can do about that.. but i'm sure as fvck not gonna encourage it.. or get involved in gettin caught.. my **** is clean titled n all good
Gixxerboy041k: same here
Gixxerboy041k: another reason why i put lojac on my ****
Gixxerboy041k: and a hiddin kill
crtchrktrcr: lojac is smart.. i told him that's what is gonna get him caught
Gixxerboy041k: if they get away with my bike after all the **** i did to it they deserve to ride her
Gixxerboy041k: no whats going to get him caught is that ***** ******
Gixxerboy041k: the secand his world doesn't revolve around her. BOOm she'll snitch
crtchrktrcr: well he put himself in that position
Gixxerboy041k: yup
crtchrktrcr: i flat out told him.. stop bein a **** up, u're too old to act like this.. grow up, or go to jail for a long time
Gixxerboy041k: **** doesn't listen
Gixxerboy041k: he'll get busted hard
Gixxerboy041k: then ***** about
Gixxerboy041k: "oh i should have listened"
Gixxerboy041k: then do it again
Gixxerboy041k: like a dumb ****
crtchrktrcr: yup yup
Gixxerboy041k: but back on subject
Gixxerboy041k: if you have the right resistor on the bike the front end will pop with out the clutch
crtchrktrcr: power wheelies are gay
Gixxerboy041k: check it
Gixxerboy041k: this is a gsxr 600 i did the correct tre. from a stand still it popped
Gixxerboy041k: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...hinox/devo.jpg
crtchrktrcr: that doesn't look like az.. and that's like 2 ft high
Gixxerboy041k: thats cali
Gixxerboy041k: and thats the begining of the wheelie
crtchrktrcr: if u clutched it.. it wouldn't have the low point in the whoooolie
Gixxerboy041k: true
Gixxerboy041k: but i hate popping the clutch
crtchrktrcr: it's what u're supposed to do
Gixxerboy041k: too many rpm's and 12 OCLOCKin's a comin
crtchrktrcr: they invented rear brake for a reason
Gixxerboy041k: yeah and helmets
crtchrktrcr: it actually conserves rpms, get's you to balance point faster
Gixxerboy041k: my old 750 i fount the BP fast,my 1k her bp depends on tire pressure
crtchrktrcr: no it doesn't
Gixxerboy041k: actually it does
crtchrktrcr: mm nope
Gixxerboy041k: at the correct tire pressure her bp is 9oclock
Gixxerboy041k: with 15 psi lower the normal it's 10
crtchrktrcr: when u're goin 198mph
Gixxerboy041k: whats up bp then
Gixxerboy041k: cuz i know my bike
Gixxerboy041k: my bike's a little *****
crtchrktrcr: i've had a gix1k before.. tire pressure affects side to side.. not bp...
Gixxerboy041k: you have a front to rear bp and a up and down bp
Gixxerboy041k: all effects your ****
Gixxerboy041k: 2 axis's
Gixxerboy041k: can't stay up if your floating to your left
crtchrktrcr: what are u talkin about?
crtchrktrcr: front to rear and up n down are the same thing
crtchrktrcr: how long can u ride a wheelie for?\
Gixxerboy041k: you don't know much about physics
Gixxerboy041k: left and right axis
crtchrktrcr: i know plenty, u still neglect to make a coherent thought
Gixxerboy041k: front to rerar axis
crtchrktrcr: forward momentum keeps your left to right axis balanced.. simple as that.
Gixxerboy041k: you can be going 50mph and **** you right to left axis and BOOM your down
Gixxerboy041k: you can have all the anusha you want
crtchrktrcr: enertia u mean
Gixxerboy041k: the bike has 2 main axis's
Gixxerboy041k: yeah
Gixxerboy041k: sorry dude im tired as ****
crtchrktrcr: so how long can u ride a whoolie?
Gixxerboy041k: sitting or standing?
crtchrktrcr: anyway
Gixxerboy041k: sitting about 3-400 yards
Gixxerboy041k: standing logest was about a mile
Gixxerboy041k: longest
crtchrktrcr: then u're not at bp
Gixxerboy041k: oh i am
Gixxerboy041k: im just worried about blownin my **** up
Gixxerboy041k: from lack of oil
Gixxerboy041k: im actually one of the people who do care enough about thier bikes not to wanna blow it
crtchrktrcr: then sittin g at bp is better than rapping out a gear
Gixxerboy041k: thats why you shift
crtchrktrcr: and go 200 mph.. why not sit at 50 mph
Gixxerboy041k: can't shift in a wheelie?
crtchrktrcr: i can shift.. it's easy, but there's no reason to
Gixxerboy041k: i do
Gixxerboy041k: lower my rpm's while in the bp and chill
crtchrktrcr: then u should be riding farther than a mile
crtchrktrcr: lets go ride and see who can go the longest
crtchrktrcr: we can do distance.. or time up, whatever u'd like
Gixxerboy041k: cool
Gixxerboy041k: you free sunday?
Gixxerboy041k: saturday i have plans and friday i work till 12
crtchrktrcr: sounds wonderful
Gixxerboy041k: cool add me to your list and ****
crtchrktrcr: consider it done
Gixxerboy041k: well ima crash
Gixxerboy041k: ttyl bra
crtchrktrcr: did u just call me a bra?
crtchrktrcr: why no point?
Gixxerboy041k: her bike honestly sucks
Gixxerboy041k: off set weight placement
Gixxerboy041k: her 600 weigh's about 50 pounds more then my 1000
crtchrktrcr: r6's can wheelie like a champ
Gixxerboy041k: i got the front end up
Gixxerboy041k: had to bounce her alittle
crtchrktrcr: i think we are 2 diff styles.. u are like race guy, i'm like stunt guy
crtchrktrcr: i can get a stock r6 up in 3rd easy
Gixxerboy041k: race guy?how do you know i can't stunt?
crtchrktrcr: i didn't say u can't stunt.. but from what i'm hearing from you that's the idea i am getting
crtchrktrcr: u're talkin about weight, and speedo's
Gixxerboy041k: hear me out
Gixxerboy041k: when you change the gearing and the teeth count on the sprocket you **** with the correctness of the speedo.. NOW
Gixxerboy041k: a T.R.E you dont have to change shita tre trickes the bikes ecm intothinking you're in 5th gear all the time
crtchrktrcr: i know duder
crtchrktrcr: timing retard eliminator
crtchrktrcr: i put one on my gix 6, didn't do too much
Gixxerboy041k: yeah so if you have it on there
Gixxerboy041k: there is no need to change gearing
Gixxerboy041k: then you must not have put the correct resistor on it
crtchrktrcr: it wasn't noticable.. u don't understand why i put gearing on, my 929 is -1/+7
Gixxerboy041k: let me ask you somethingwhen you put a tre on your 600. did the N light still come on?
Gixxerboy041k: cuz if it did , then you had the wrong resistor on it
crtchrktrcr: yeah it still cam eon.. oh well.. that was a lot of bikes ago... gearing makes you gears shorter. which means more engine brake.. engine brake is important for off the peg tricks
crtchrktrcr: here duder check this out.. put some time into it, u'll love it
crtchrktrcr: www.stuntlife.com
Gixxerboy041k: i know all about that **** man my cusin scott is a starboy
crtchrktrcr: like you have ftp4 on your site.. u think they have stock gearing?
crtchrktrcr: u're cousin is scott... r u for real
Gixxerboy041k: oh i know they dont
Gixxerboy041k: scott has short **** on his
crtchrktrcr: what is scotts last name?
Gixxerboy041k: cus he does 3-6 mile standing wheelies
crtchrktrcr: hurry
crtchrktrcr: answer
Gixxerboy041k: caraboolad
Gixxerboy041k: right now he rides a panter cbr 900RR
crtchrktrcr: nope: he hasn't ridden a 9rr in a while
crtchrktrcr: he rides a 636
Gixxerboy041k: bullshit cuz he bought the ****er off my brother 3 weeks ago for 4500
Gixxerboy041k: that little ninje blew up on him in july
crtchrktrcr: and he didn't put a new motor in it
Gixxerboy041k: no he did and BLEW IT UP
Gixxerboy041k: that ****in thing blew up twice from lack of oil
Gixxerboy041k: he puts too much in to compensate for the oil pump while up in a standing but the ****ing pumps on them suck ***
Gixxerboy041k: thats one reason he likes the cdr900rr
crtchrktrcr: which is why u get a extended pick up
crtchrktrcr: 900rr's suck, they are carbed
Gixxerboy041k: yeah and cheap to upgrade
crtchrktrcr: he's sponsored.. it shouldn't matter
Gixxerboy041k: what area do you live in?
crtchrktrcr: scottsdale
Gixxerboy041k: ever see a black gsxr1000 with blue neons?
crtchrktrcr: hahahah now i remember you, you had the tank bag
Gixxerboy041k: or a silver hayabusa with red neons?
crtchrktrcr: and u were tryin to power wheelie in the checker parking lot
Gixxerboy041k: are you the fools from out of town that where there spillin oil everywhere?
crtchrktrcr: i just told you i'm from scottsdale, how could i be from out of town?
Gixxerboy041k: one of the guys said he was from out of town
Gixxerboy041k: just moved here or some ****
Gixxerboy041k: riding a ****ed up sixxer i think
crtchrktrcr: <---929
Gixxerboy041k: yeah that night i had my tank bag cuz me and my boy where out just cruisin
Gixxerboy041k: he's affraid to pop his front up so we just chilled
Gixxerboy041k: 1st bike jidders
Gixxerboy041k: never ridin in his life before. and it's never fun to pop wheelies by your self when your with others who can't
Gixxerboy041k: brb
Gixxerboy041k: ight im back
crtchrktrcr: k
Gixxerboy041k: but watch out for that dude ***** man
Gixxerboy041k: he blow bikes up and steals the ****ers too
crtchrktrcr: oh i know,... that's why i said i don't really associate with him
Gixxerboy041k: when i got my bike back in feb i saw him on a 600 all talking about how he has 5 in his garage and **** telling me if i need parts he'd hook me up
Gixxerboy041k: i was like **** that noise
Gixxerboy041k: rims for $100 with rubber and ****
Gixxerboy041k: exhaust and crap
crtchrktrcr: and ppl who run their mouth get caught.. proven fact
Gixxerboy041k: as if 600 **** whould mount to my 1k
Gixxerboy041k: pfffff
Gixxerboy041k: oh i know
Gixxerboy041k: it's only a matter of time before he gets popped for it
Gixxerboy041k: i'm not going to snitch
Gixxerboy041k: but im not going to help him hide that **** either
Gixxerboy041k: when he meet you he probably was all like " bro i got parts i'll hook you up with" and all that **** huh
crtchrktrcr: oh of course
crtchrktrcr: i said u're dumb as ****, and gonna get caught
crtchrktrcr: i know ppl snag bikes..nothin i can do about that.. but i'm sure as fvck not gonna encourage it.. or get involved in gettin caught.. my **** is clean titled n all good
Gixxerboy041k: same here
Gixxerboy041k: another reason why i put lojac on my ****
Gixxerboy041k: and a hiddin kill
crtchrktrcr: lojac is smart.. i told him that's what is gonna get him caught
Gixxerboy041k: if they get away with my bike after all the **** i did to it they deserve to ride her
Gixxerboy041k: no whats going to get him caught is that ***** ******
Gixxerboy041k: the secand his world doesn't revolve around her. BOOm she'll snitch
crtchrktrcr: well he put himself in that position
Gixxerboy041k: yup
crtchrktrcr: i flat out told him.. stop bein a **** up, u're too old to act like this.. grow up, or go to jail for a long time
Gixxerboy041k: **** doesn't listen
Gixxerboy041k: he'll get busted hard
Gixxerboy041k: then ***** about
Gixxerboy041k: "oh i should have listened"
Gixxerboy041k: then do it again
Gixxerboy041k: like a dumb ****
crtchrktrcr: yup yup
Gixxerboy041k: but back on subject
Gixxerboy041k: if you have the right resistor on the bike the front end will pop with out the clutch
crtchrktrcr: power wheelies are gay
Gixxerboy041k: check it
Gixxerboy041k: this is a gsxr 600 i did the correct tre. from a stand still it popped
Gixxerboy041k: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...hinox/devo.jpg
crtchrktrcr: that doesn't look like az.. and that's like 2 ft high
Gixxerboy041k: thats cali
Gixxerboy041k: and thats the begining of the wheelie
crtchrktrcr: if u clutched it.. it wouldn't have the low point in the whoooolie
Gixxerboy041k: true
Gixxerboy041k: but i hate popping the clutch
crtchrktrcr: it's what u're supposed to do
Gixxerboy041k: too many rpm's and 12 OCLOCKin's a comin
crtchrktrcr: they invented rear brake for a reason
Gixxerboy041k: yeah and helmets
crtchrktrcr: it actually conserves rpms, get's you to balance point faster
Gixxerboy041k: my old 750 i fount the BP fast,my 1k her bp depends on tire pressure
crtchrktrcr: no it doesn't
Gixxerboy041k: actually it does
crtchrktrcr: mm nope
Gixxerboy041k: at the correct tire pressure her bp is 9oclock
Gixxerboy041k: with 15 psi lower the normal it's 10
crtchrktrcr: when u're goin 198mph
Gixxerboy041k: whats up bp then
Gixxerboy041k: cuz i know my bike
Gixxerboy041k: my bike's a little *****
crtchrktrcr: i've had a gix1k before.. tire pressure affects side to side.. not bp...
Gixxerboy041k: you have a front to rear bp and a up and down bp
Gixxerboy041k: all effects your ****
Gixxerboy041k: 2 axis's
Gixxerboy041k: can't stay up if your floating to your left
crtchrktrcr: what are u talkin about?
crtchrktrcr: front to rear and up n down are the same thing
crtchrktrcr: how long can u ride a wheelie for?\
Gixxerboy041k: you don't know much about physics
Gixxerboy041k: left and right axis
crtchrktrcr: i know plenty, u still neglect to make a coherent thought
Gixxerboy041k: front to rerar axis
crtchrktrcr: forward momentum keeps your left to right axis balanced.. simple as that.
Gixxerboy041k: you can be going 50mph and **** you right to left axis and BOOM your down
Gixxerboy041k: you can have all the anusha you want
crtchrktrcr: enertia u mean
Gixxerboy041k: the bike has 2 main axis's
Gixxerboy041k: yeah
Gixxerboy041k: sorry dude im tired as ****
crtchrktrcr: so how long can u ride a whoolie?
Gixxerboy041k: sitting or standing?
crtchrktrcr: anyway
Gixxerboy041k: sitting about 3-400 yards
Gixxerboy041k: standing logest was about a mile
Gixxerboy041k: longest
crtchrktrcr: then u're not at bp
Gixxerboy041k: oh i am
Gixxerboy041k: im just worried about blownin my **** up
Gixxerboy041k: from lack of oil
Gixxerboy041k: im actually one of the people who do care enough about thier bikes not to wanna blow it
crtchrktrcr: then sittin g at bp is better than rapping out a gear
Gixxerboy041k: thats why you shift
crtchrktrcr: and go 200 mph.. why not sit at 50 mph
Gixxerboy041k: can't shift in a wheelie?
crtchrktrcr: i can shift.. it's easy, but there's no reason to
Gixxerboy041k: i do
Gixxerboy041k: lower my rpm's while in the bp and chill
crtchrktrcr: then u should be riding farther than a mile
crtchrktrcr: lets go ride and see who can go the longest
crtchrktrcr: we can do distance.. or time up, whatever u'd like
Gixxerboy041k: cool
Gixxerboy041k: you free sunday?
Gixxerboy041k: saturday i have plans and friday i work till 12
crtchrktrcr: sounds wonderful
Gixxerboy041k: cool add me to your list and ****
crtchrktrcr: consider it done
Gixxerboy041k: well ima crash
Gixxerboy041k: ttyl bra
crtchrktrcr: did u just call me a bra?
10-06-2005, 01:24 PM
#2
B.T.M.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 17,256
Re: convo's like this are priceless (squid in full effect)
alright.. this dude is talkin about a 03 r6, they can't wheelie.. and tons of other ****, it's hilarious,,, so i'm gonna go ride with him sunday, n make some $$ off of him,, so DO NOT IM HIM! it will ruin my cash flow.. details will follow!
10-06-2005, 01:58 PM
#3
Lacks self-control
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Birch Run, MI
Age: 42
Posts: 7,588
Re: convo's like this are priceless (squid in full effect)
tell him you'' ll do it double or nothing using the R6 after you waste him on your bike, he'll go for it.. after all R6's cant wheelie
02-16-2007, 04:02 PM
#5
I Enjoy Posting At StuntLife!
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Livonia, MI
Age: 42
Posts: 4,584
02-16-2007, 04:04 PM
#6
I Enjoy Posting At StuntLife!
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Livonia, MI
Age: 42
Posts: 4,584
02-16-2007, 04:25 PM
#7
I Chose to No Longer Post
Join Date: Apr 2004
Age: 44
Posts: 37,859
Re: convo's like this are priceless (squid in full effect)
02-16-2007, 06:11 PM
#10
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Genova, Italy
Age: 54
Posts: 964
Re: convo's like this are priceless (squid in full effect)
Gixxerboy041k: i know all about that **** man my cusin scott is a starboy
crtchrktrcr: u're cousin is scott... r u for real
Gixxerboy041k: scott has short **** on his
crtchrktrcr: what is scotts last name?
crtchrktrcr: hurry
crtchrktrcr: answer
Gixxerboy041k: caraboolad
Well, what about Scott Carabolaad's cousin? LOL
crtchrktrcr: u're cousin is scott... r u for real
Gixxerboy041k: scott has short **** on his
crtchrktrcr: what is scotts last name?
crtchrktrcr: hurry
crtchrktrcr: answer
Gixxerboy041k: caraboolad
Well, what about Scott Carabolaad's cousin? LOL
02-17-2007, 11:19 AM
#13
bp chaser
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: LI, NY and I drive in Australia
Age: 47
Posts: 85,327
Re: convo's like this are priceless (squid in full effect)
I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:
I got a vasectomy.
I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.
I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.
We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.
Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.
At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.
So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.
Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.
It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.
I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.
She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"
Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a ****. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.
I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.
I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.
I tell her simply, "You're screwed".
Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.
I continue. "I am sterile"
Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of ****. You're trapped and you know it."
I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."
This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."
I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."
I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.
I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.
Epilogue -
I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.
The Moral of the Story -
Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.
I got a vasectomy.
I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.
I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.
We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.
Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.
At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.
So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.
Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.
It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.
I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.
She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"
Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a ****. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.
I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.
I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.
I tell her simply, "You're screwed".
Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.
I continue. "I am sterile"
Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of ****. You're trapped and you know it."
I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."
This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."
I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."
I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.
I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.
Epilogue -
I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.
The Moral of the Story -
Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.
02-17-2007, 03:28 PM
#19
Registered User
Join Date: May 2005
Location: The Murda Mitten
Age: 43
Posts: 6,336
Re: convo's like this are priceless (squid in full effect)
DSC00030.jpg
my buddies truck ... apparently he got in a gun fight last night at 4am after some beaners attempted to jack his stereo....
my buddies truck ... apparently he got in a gun fight last night at 4am after some beaners attempted to jack his stereo....
02-17-2007, 03:29 PM
#20
Registered User
Join Date: May 2005
Location: The Murda Mitten
Age: 43
Posts: 6,336
