kinda long, but read entire thing......I fell out of chair laughing
> How to Shower Like a Woman
>
> 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
> lights and darks.
>
> 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along
> the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
> 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
> more sit-ups, cardio, yoga, pilates and weight lifting.
>
> 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
> wide loofah, and pumice stone.
>
> 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
> vitamins plus protein.
>
> 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>
> 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
> natural avocado oil. Wrap hair in hot towel and leave on hair for 15
> minutes.
>
> 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
> red.
>
> 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
>
> 10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
>
> 11. Shave armpits and legs.
>
> 12. Turn off shower.
>
> 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
>
> 14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap
> hair in super absorbent towel.
>
> 15. Check entire body for zits and/or enlarged pores, tweeze hairs.
>
> 16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
>
> 17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
>
> How To Shower Like a Man
>
> 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
> a pile.
>
> 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener
> at her making the "woo-woo" sound.
>
> 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your
> wiener and scratch your butt.
>
> 4. Get in the shower.
>
> 5. Wash your face.
>
> 6. Wash your armpits.
>
> 7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>
> 8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound
> in the shower.
>
> 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
>
> 10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
>
> 11. Shampoo your hair.
>
> 12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
>
> 13. Pee.
>
> 14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
>
> 15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
> hanging out of tub the whole time.
>
> 16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
>
> 17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
>
> 18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull
> off towel, shake wiener at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again.
>
> 19. Throw wet towel on floor.

 

TO MY DEAR WIFE:


During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.



I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.


The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:


54 times the sheets were clean

17 times it was too late

49 times you were too tired

20 times it was too hot

15 times you pretended to be sleep

22 times you had a headache

17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

16 times you said you were too sore

12 times it was the wrong time of the month

19 times you had to get up early

9 times you said weren't in the mood

7 times you were sunburned

6 times you were watching the late show

5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo

3 times you said the neighbors would hear us

9 times you said your mother would hear us


Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:


6 times you just laid there

8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling

4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with

7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


KEEP READING.......


================================================== ========


TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:


I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:


5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

36 times you did not come home at all

21 times you didn't ***

33 times you came too soon

19 times you went soft before you got in

38 times you worked too late

10 times you got cramps in your toes

29 times you had to get up early to play golf

2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the *****

4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

3 times you had a cold and your nose was running

2 times you had a splinter in your finger

20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book

98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV


Of the times we did get together:


The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

 

LMFAO-ouch!!Truth be told-I love it!!

 

lol...oldies, but goodies!

-=bmacd=-

 

Umm 2,3, 17 very very untrue!!!15 maybe true if I'm tweezing eyebrows........ But the rest well I can't lie... It's true!!!!:D

 

the shower one is all true for me except instead of sayin woo-woo i say well never mind :p

 

I **** right when I get in the shower

 

i love the one that is called to my dear wife, let the truth be told

 

That shower one had me laughing my *** off .... not because it was that funny ... but because I do all but like 2 of them, if I were married maybe all of them.