After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a
gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems
encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then
respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilots review the
gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the
solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the
way, Qantas is the only major airline that has NEVER
had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

those crack me up....

 

Old, but still funny

 

Lmao Lucky you crack me up with those. We need more though dammit!!!!

 

Those were grrrrrreat.....

Thanks for making me smile... I needed that!

 

Announcements made by flight attendants...

To operate your seat belt insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull
tight. If you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out
in public unsupervised.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend from the ceiling. If you have a small child traveling with you,
secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with
two small children, decide now which one you love most.

As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways
off this airplane.

Last one off the plane must clean it.