If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee
(Hardly seems worth it.)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!, I need to redirect some of that pressure to my Peter North, anyone need any extra coating on there Krispy Kream)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig, or Sting)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy, what about a crackhead?)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the... ?!" I have run into this with some head jobs too.....you most be new at this right?!!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity..right)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know, and maybe do!)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmm! mmmm........Women, let me hear an "Amen", for those who know how to use it)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer
than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....and no fat chicks do not count)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer, or have a life long partner)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

:YEAH :YEAH

 

A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows a head of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field. He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken. The man replied, "No."
Amazed the young man asked, "How could someone pass up a seat like this?" The older gentleman responded, "That's my wife's seat. We've been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away."
"Oh, how sad," the man said. "I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?"
"No," the man said, "They're all at the funeral."

-----------------------------------------

Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month . . .
. . .when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. These handy guides should be in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.

 

!0:49 and at home skipped work and whorin it up, just fed boo the cat...

 

 

He's only laughing because he's used that one

And he think's I really had PMS :YEAH