Reply To Joker
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Joined: Nov 2003
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From: STERLING HEIGHTS
Reply To Joker
WHY MEN ARE SO DUMB
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a non-lazy man (who helps out around the house), and a lazy man are about to jump off a bridge into water. Who makes the biggest splash?
A: The lazy man. The other 3 don't exist.
Q: Why don't men do laundry?
A: Because the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!
Q: Why do men have a hole at the end of their *****?
A: So they can think open-mindedly.
Q: What's a man's idea of protected sex?
A: A padded headboard.
Q: What do you call a woman that works like a man?
A: A Lazy bitch.
Q: Why did God create men?
A: Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
Q: Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
A: So men can tell if they are coming or going.
Q: How are men like parking spaces?
A: he good ones are always taken and all that is left are handicapped
Q: What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
A: Gifted
Q: What's the difference between a man and a cow?
A: One brain cell that prevents them from shitting all over the place!
Q: How are men and beer bottles alike?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do woman fake orgasms?
A: Because men fake foreplay!
Q: Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes?
A: It had a ***** AND a brain!
Q: How many men does it take to make popcorn?
A: Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: No one knows, it's never happened
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only 1 (Men are good at screwing things up!)
Q: What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A: Government bonds mature.
Q: What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes
Q: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A: Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
Q: What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A: E.T. phoned home.
Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: "I can do better than this."
Q: How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
A: We cook; they eat. We clean; they dirty. We iron; they wrinkle.
Q: How do men exercise at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q: What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A; A hot dog and a six-pack.
Q; How are men like noodles?
A: They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Q; Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A: When the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a non-lazy man (who helps out around the house), and a lazy man are about to jump off a bridge into water. Who makes the biggest splash?
A: The lazy man. The other 3 don't exist.
Q: Why don't men do laundry?
A: Because the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!
Q: Why do men have a hole at the end of their *****?
A: So they can think open-mindedly.
Q: What's a man's idea of protected sex?
A: A padded headboard.
Q: What do you call a woman that works like a man?
A: A Lazy bitch.
Q: Why did God create men?
A: Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
Q: Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
A: So men can tell if they are coming or going.
Q: How are men like parking spaces?
A: he good ones are always taken and all that is left are handicapped
Q: What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
A: Gifted
Q: What's the difference between a man and a cow?
A: One brain cell that prevents them from shitting all over the place!
Q: How are men and beer bottles alike?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do woman fake orgasms?
A: Because men fake foreplay!
Q: Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes?
A: It had a ***** AND a brain!
Q: How many men does it take to make popcorn?
A: Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: No one knows, it's never happened
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only 1 (Men are good at screwing things up!)
Q: What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A: Government bonds mature.
Q: What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes
Q: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A: Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
Q: What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A: E.T. phoned home.
Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: "I can do better than this."
Q: How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
A: We cook; they eat. We clean; they dirty. We iron; they wrinkle.
Q: How do men exercise at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q: What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A; A hot dog and a six-pack.
Q; How are men like noodles?
A: They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Q; Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A: When the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions.
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,331
From: U KNOW!!!
More knowledgible info......................
HOW WOMEN SHOWER
Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 73ºF.
Carefully fold each item, and place in clothes hamper.
Walk to bathroom. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately.
Look at your womanly figure in the mirror, and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you¹re getting fat (HAHAHAHAHAH ....ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH!!!!).
Position the shower nozzle pointing away from you, and turn on the water.
Get into the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber & Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once again (just to make sure) with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber & Lamfrey Conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Watch falling hair accumulate around drain strainer.
Wash your face with Crushed Apricot Facial Scrub until red.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut & Jaffa Cake Body Wash.
Complain bitterly when you realize your husband has once again been eating our Ginger Nut & Jaffa Cake Body Wash.
Rinse Conditioner of hair, a process which should take at least 15 minutes, as you must be sure it all comes off.
Shave armpits, and evaluate whether there is enough time and hot water left to do legs.
Slick hair back, and pretend you are Bo Derek.
Use Pumice Stone to soften rough spots on feet.
Use Massage Mitt to reduce cellulite on thighs.
Use nail brush to clean toenails.
Scream loudly (high F# is an especially effective note to reach for) when your husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of scalding water.
Cover your entire body with baby oil.
Turn hot water on full, and rinse off, making shower dangerously slippery for your husband.
Pat yourself dry, then rub briskly all over with a towel the size of a small African country.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot, or new hair in an uncommon place.
Apply Body Lotion from the neck down. Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize!
Return to bedroom wearing your long dressing gown and towel on head, covering up suddenly if you see your husband.
Blow dry hair using an appliance powerful enough to lift Dorothy¹s whole farm out of Kansas.
HOW MEN SHOWER
Enter shower, turn on water
Soap and Rinse. Turn off shower
Towel dry. If no towel available, just roll over once on the bed.
Done.
HOW WOMEN SHOWER
Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 73ºF.
Carefully fold each item, and place in clothes hamper.
Walk to bathroom. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately.
Look at your womanly figure in the mirror, and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you¹re getting fat (HAHAHAHAHAH ....ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH!!!!).
Position the shower nozzle pointing away from you, and turn on the water.
Get into the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber & Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once again (just to make sure) with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber & Lamfrey Conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Watch falling hair accumulate around drain strainer.
Wash your face with Crushed Apricot Facial Scrub until red.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut & Jaffa Cake Body Wash.
Complain bitterly when you realize your husband has once again been eating our Ginger Nut & Jaffa Cake Body Wash.
Rinse Conditioner of hair, a process which should take at least 15 minutes, as you must be sure it all comes off.
Shave armpits, and evaluate whether there is enough time and hot water left to do legs.
Slick hair back, and pretend you are Bo Derek.
Use Pumice Stone to soften rough spots on feet.
Use Massage Mitt to reduce cellulite on thighs.
Use nail brush to clean toenails.
Scream loudly (high F# is an especially effective note to reach for) when your husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of scalding water.
Cover your entire body with baby oil.
Turn hot water on full, and rinse off, making shower dangerously slippery for your husband.
Pat yourself dry, then rub briskly all over with a towel the size of a small African country.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot, or new hair in an uncommon place.
Apply Body Lotion from the neck down. Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize!
Return to bedroom wearing your long dressing gown and towel on head, covering up suddenly if you see your husband.
Blow dry hair using an appliance powerful enough to lift Dorothy¹s whole farm out of Kansas.
HOW MEN SHOWER
Enter shower, turn on water
Soap and Rinse. Turn off shower
Towel dry. If no towel available, just roll over once on the bed.
Done.
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