Tall_Dallas

If you have your own stories... post them up!

This is for the computer LITERATE people out ther. If you don't see the humor in these... YOU are one of the people we laugh at when you call us to fix your issues.

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At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up!

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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

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One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install the batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing, and I'm not going to read the book!"

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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

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Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer "No..."

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Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."

Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"

Customer: "I can't open the box."

Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."

Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

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Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."

Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:\ and type'dir'."

Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.

Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."

Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."

Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"

Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."

Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"

Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?

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At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.

Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."

Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."

Customer: "What is that?"

Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."

Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."

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And the best for last!!!

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"

Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."

Tech Support: "You did what sir?"

Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."

Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"

Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."

Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"

At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.

Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"

Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."

Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"

Silence.

Tech Support: "Sir?"

Customer: "Yes."

Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"

Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"

Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"

Customer: "Ummmm."

Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"

Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"

Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."

JD

HAhaha that is awesome....yah its amazing how stupid people are, i work for a call center for a cell phone company and this chic called in and was just furious that her phone wouldnt work and wanted a credit...i was trying to troubleshoot the problem, told her

Me: well ma'am has the # been programmed in the phone,
Customersmart-*** tone) UH YES,
ME: ok ma'am well whats it saying when you try to make a call....
Customer: Its not saying anything at all the screen is all black!!!
ME: Um have you turned the phone on with the power button before trying to dial a call
Customer: Oh my god sir i am soo sorry..*click*

I fell out in the floor laughing my *** off, ive never talked 2 someone so stupid before in my life, its amazing what people will say

Tall_Dallas

TODAY!
I had a call from a customer...
The software I help support is an accunting program.
She said:

Her: I can't type in any amounts when I go to input my payment information. I can do it on every other system in the office except mine!
Me: ok. is it just in the number fields that you can't input data?
Her: Yes.
Me: OK. Try using the numbers on the top of the keyboard. do they work?
Her: Yes.
ME: Ma'am... turn on your number locks please...
Her: You have no idea how red I am at this point in time...

GoBo

OK hears one you guys will love i used to work for the DEVIL. AOL. i did high speed tech support both dsl and cable.
i have a couple for you guys.

I have a guy call in all upset my dsl wont connect.i said ok started trouble shooting broke the problem down to no ready light no signal going to the mdm, then the customer says oh yeah a tornado when threw our neighborhood and the phone lines are down and half my house is gone could that effect it? Yes sir that could do it you might want to take your cell phone and call the phone company.



Ok the is retribution for all the hell i took at aol, last day there

Old lady calls in , MY dsl is not working ,
ok lets see what i can do, i check settings and find oh no ready light again
explain to the customer what is happening she does not understand so i try cleaning some things off the pc just to be nice .
Old lady says i used to have dial up
i say oh that may be whats causing the trouble from all those years of dial up you may have smoke in the monitor.
oldlady says oh (forgeting i already told her why it doesnt work) how do i fix it
well first we need to get the smoke out get a big pitcher of water
oldlady ok (you here her in the kitchen fillin it up)(I SWARE)
she comes back says what do i do with the water
I said ok see those grates in the monitor
YEah i seeum
poor some water down in there it will let the smoke out.
(hear her start pooring) BOOOM SNaAP phone discoes . :YEAH
i log out and go home and get a new job else where :YEAH

SeeMyZWheelie

Dude, Thats horrible... There is people out there grandmotherless cause you convinced her to water her moniter...lol...thats pretty funny, though...

Angel Of Death

That is truly cruel, good job dude!

GoBo

:YEAH

becky

Albgixxer

I was exchanging my cell phone the other day and while waiting I overheard the salesmen behind me helping a soccer mom. Apperently this was her first cell phone and she came back in to tell them she couldn't make any calls. The salesmen takes the phone and dials a number, works just fine. Gives it back to her and she tries it and stands there staring at it. "Nope still doesn't work" she says. He looks at the phone and tells her to press the send button. I can't believe they let these people breed. She was blond too.

Sk8FaN91

those r some stupid @$$ people