Illinois Barbie
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 597
From: Chicago, IL
Illinois Barbie
Highland Park Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus or BMW SUV,
gets lost easily, and has no full-time occupation or secondary
education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching
gym outfit.
Cicero Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows
and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.
Naperville Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up
Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.
Peoria Barbie:
This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a
NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light And a Hank, Jr. CD
set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's hiney when she's
drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Halsted Barbie:
This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long gray hair and
arch-less feet, Birkenstocks, no makeup and a mutt. Or Boycut brown
highlighted hair, Abercrombie T and cargos, combat boots and a pit-bull.
Humboldt Park Barbie:
This beeotch of a Barbie comes with a knife to stab other Barbie's in
the back, miniskirt and tons of makeup. They are working on developing a
"Hyde Park Barbie," but she keeps getting shot.
Lake Forest and Kenilworth Barbie:
This True Blonde shops exclusively in town. She drives a Land Rover
(sold separately). She has an MBA from Northwestern but has never worked
outside the home. Her child's stroller is bigger than your house and her
tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken's golf trophies.
She knows enough Spanish to talk with the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the
cook; and Polish for the house painter and housekeeper respectively. Her
family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys cases of\ "2-Buck Chuck" at
Trader Joe's. Hence the need for the rear-loading Land Rover.
Berwyn Barbie:
Big hair sprayed black with overdone makeup and housecoat, cooks up a
batch of mean meatballs and lasagna and the ever popular chocolate chip
cookies. Comes with plastic covered sofas.
Wrigleyville Barbie:
Cubs hat and tank top, bleacher tan, Kosher hotdog and overpriced Old
Style in hand. Ken is dressed in the Cubs satin jacket, hat, headphones
and a mark in his palm where the game ball landed once. His lawyer is
sold separately.
Waukegan Barbie: This young mother of five comes with an
orange hoopty, acrylic nails, foodstamps, and through sound fiscal
planning, still has money for 3000 anytime minutes every month.......
Multiple "Baby Daddies" Ken dolls sold separately.
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus or BMW SUV,
gets lost easily, and has no full-time occupation or secondary
education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching
gym outfit.
Cicero Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows
and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.
Naperville Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up
Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.
Peoria Barbie:
This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a
NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light And a Hank, Jr. CD
set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's hiney when she's
drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Halsted Barbie:
This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long gray hair and
arch-less feet, Birkenstocks, no makeup and a mutt. Or Boycut brown
highlighted hair, Abercrombie T and cargos, combat boots and a pit-bull.
Humboldt Park Barbie:
This beeotch of a Barbie comes with a knife to stab other Barbie's in
the back, miniskirt and tons of makeup. They are working on developing a
"Hyde Park Barbie," but she keeps getting shot.
Lake Forest and Kenilworth Barbie:
This True Blonde shops exclusively in town. She drives a Land Rover
(sold separately). She has an MBA from Northwestern but has never worked
outside the home. Her child's stroller is bigger than your house and her
tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken's golf trophies.
She knows enough Spanish to talk with the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the
cook; and Polish for the house painter and housekeeper respectively. Her
family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys cases of\ "2-Buck Chuck" at
Trader Joe's. Hence the need for the rear-loading Land Rover.
Berwyn Barbie:
Big hair sprayed black with overdone makeup and housecoat, cooks up a
batch of mean meatballs and lasagna and the ever popular chocolate chip
cookies. Comes with plastic covered sofas.
Wrigleyville Barbie:
Cubs hat and tank top, bleacher tan, Kosher hotdog and overpriced Old
Style in hand. Ken is dressed in the Cubs satin jacket, hat, headphones
and a mark in his palm where the game ball landed once. His lawyer is
sold separately.
Waukegan Barbie: This young mother of five comes with an
orange hoopty, acrylic nails, foodstamps, and through sound fiscal
planning, still has money for 3000 anytime minutes every month.......
Multiple "Baby Daddies" Ken dolls sold separately.
I gotta live there!! 
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