This is really for Floridians, but it's funny enough to pass
>on to those who want to vicariously experience the dread!!!!!
>
>We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now,
>you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to
>some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic
>meteorological points:
>
> (1) There is no need to panic.
> (2) We could all be killed.

> Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If

>You're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do
>to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one."
>Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple
>three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
> STEP 1.
> Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at
> least three days
>
> STEP 2.
> Put these supplies into your car.
>
> STEP 3.
> Drive to Ohio and remain there until Halloween.

>Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow
this>sensible plan. Most >people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
>
>We'll start with one of the most important hurricane
>preparedness items:
>
> HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:
>If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately,
>this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two
>basic requirements:
> (1) It is reasonably well-built, and
> (2) It is located in Ohio.
>
>Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area
>that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies
>would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they
>might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they
>got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to
>scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual
>premium roughly equal to the value of you house. .At any moment, this
company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George, I have had an
estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by
the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in
>addition my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.
>
> SHUTTERS:
> Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows,
>all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets.
>There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
>
> Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them
>yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make
>them yourself, they will fall off.
>
> Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well,
>once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them
>all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

> Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy
>to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is
>that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
>
> Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in
>hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
>hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He
>lives in Ohio.
>
> Hurricane Proofing Your Property:
> As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable
>objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc.
>
>You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your
>swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one
>built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects
>into deadly missiles.
>
> EVACUATION ROUTE:
> If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route
>planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look
>at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying
area).
>The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped
>in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in
>a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two
>hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be
>lonely.

> HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
> If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy
>them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last
>possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious
>fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.
>
> In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
>23 flashlights At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when
>the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
>
> Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what
>the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!) (**** I know, I
know!! It purifies water for drinking if you run out and have to get water from a
questionable source :-) )


>
> A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
>
> A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in
>a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
>
> A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators.
>(Ask anybody who went through a hurricane; after the hurricane, there
>WILL be irate alligators.)
>
> $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane
>passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

> Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane
>draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the
>situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in
>rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and
>over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
>
> Good luck, and remember: It's great living in Paradise.

 

 

 

LMAO....................

 

 

I love it, that is a good one girl.

 

haha

 

 

 

i love the smell of a hurricane in the morning.

 

See? Ohio's good for something!

 

Yeah but we never leave FLORIDA

 

What about the Hurricane party???

you left out the good part