>1. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy...
>I'd have had nothing to play with.
>
>2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over;
>nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
>
>3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk
>to me.Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
>
>4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging
>naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?"
>He said, "Because you came home early."
>
>5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put on a shirt
>and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle
>came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
>
>6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox,
>the cat kept covering me up.
>
>7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster
>and a radio.
>
>8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me.
>She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
>
>9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid
>who came with his wallet.
>
>10. When I was born, the doctor came into the
>waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything
>we could, but he pulled through."
>
>11. I'm so ugly... My mother had morning sickness...
>AFTER I was born.
>
>12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of
>my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
>
>13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help
>me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"
>He said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
>
>14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
>
>15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking
>how big I'd get.
>
>16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up
>and look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with
>me?" He said... "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
>
>17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
>pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
>
>18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get
>my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
>
>19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he
>leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went
>on the paper four times -- three of those times I was reading it.
>
>20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy -- for birth control.
>
>21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was
>in the electric chair.
>
>BONUS When I was a kid I asked my father to take me ice skating.
>He said, ''Wait 'till it gets warmer."

 

Thanks for the laugh!!

 

nice

 

Very funny...

 

RD is the ****

 

When I was a kid I asked my father to take me ice skating.
>He said, ''Wait 'till it gets warmer."

that ones classic lol