mens rules on women
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,174
From: St Augustine,Fl
mens rules on women
I thought this was funny someone sent this to me..........
Men always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
>These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You can handle it. We need it up,
>you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
>Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and
>void after 7 days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
>we meant the other one.
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
>best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
>Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
>but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,
>the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>
>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men
>really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Men always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
>These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You can handle it. We need it up,
>you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
>Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and
>void after 7 days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
>we meant the other one.
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
>best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
>Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
>but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,
>the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>
>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men
>really don't mind that, it's like camping.
