1. Courses offered in-class, online, and drive-thru
2. Marching band uses only hand claps
3. Your school advertises on urinal cakes
4. Founded in 1979 as a Fotomat
5. Student bookstore has a curtained-off adults section
6. Counseling Services is a candy dish of Adderall
7. Diplomas are written in crayon on the back of used Sizzler place mats
8. Faculty restaffed daily with illegal immigrants brought in by pickup truck
9. Community-service requirement is handing out half-off fliers in front of competing college
10.Bursar's office accepts only wire transfers
11. The swim team uniform is cut-off jeans and a shark-tooth necklace
12. Endowment: whatever happens to be in the treasurer's coin purse
13. Most famous alumnus is the inventor of the "cheese inside the crust" pizza
14. Quad located in the median strip of the New Jersey Turnpike
15. Founder's plaque reads ESTABLISHED THIS MANY FINGERS AGO
16. Your mascot is a tiger in a wheelchair
17. Campus has its own Green Zone
18. Corey Feldman awarded honorary degree three years running
19. Financial aid package consists of $10 and a pack of smokes
20. You attend Harbard, Yole, or Pranceton
21. Classes are frequently interrupted by sound of goats fighting on the roof
22. Commencement ceremony is a live feed from a better school's commencement ceremony
23. Acceptance letters are sent to student's name "Or Current Resident"
24. Half of student groups are devoted to tanning
25. Dorms double as conjugal visit trailers
26. More than one academic building is dedicated to Peter Frampton
27. Chemistry labs use whatever can be shoplifted from Home Depot
28. Known as one of the "Seven Stepsisters"
29. Literary journal is mostly car-wash coupons
30. Ranks no.1 in the country for number of rival mascots murdered
31. Valedictorian honor awarded to whoever fights his way to the podium first
32. Shakespeare professors teach only from the SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE script
33. Care packages confiscated and redistributed to senior faculty
34. Offers only two study-abroad options: Busch Gardens or Epcot Center
35. School describes itself as "accredited in all the right places"
36. The first i in university is dotted with a heart
37. Statue of founder in the fetal position
38. Greek system is actually just stock tips from souvlaki cart guy, Yonas
39. Plagiarism policy photocopied from Harvard Handbook
40. Perez Hilton linked on school's home page
41. At least once a month your humanities professor exclaims, "Enough of this ****. Who's up for some freeze tag?"
42. One hour free of AOL with every two semesters completed
43. Tenured professors identifiable by teardrop tattoo
44. Scientology recruiters keep their distance
45. Only college with "& Grille" after its name
46. A cappella group has only one member
47. Commencement speaker is Chris Kattan
48. You had to take your M.C. Escher print off the wall because other students kept trying to step inside it
49. The library has a two-drink minimum
50. All awards in the trophy case are for chicken sexing
51. Health center run by dude who sold you bad acid
52. When you graduated *** laude the word *** was written on your diploma in Sperm font
53. Every time you answer a question, your professor says "So I guess you think you're better than me?"
54. Provost walks around campus with a Burmese python around his neck
55. The first time you brought a laptop to class, the other students thought you were a time traveler from the future
56. Main rival is Trump University (actual online university)
57. You discovered you were eligible to graduate via scratch-off ticket
58. Big Man on campus is a 700-pound shut-in
59. Freshman choose between "swinger" and "square" dorms
60. Your academic adviser spent most of your last session doing chin-ups
61. All dining halls have posters with instructions for properly using a bib
62. Film students required to shoot with cellphones
63. Desks in classroom are equipped with seatbelts
64. Your meal plan is "24-hour All-You-Can-Eat Ribs"
65. Classic seminar consists of old episodes of KNOTS LANDING
66. You found it through a 'College Seeking Student' Craigslist ad
67. When you tell a prospective employer your alma mater, he smacks you in the face
68. Faculty are permitted/encouraged to carry tasers
69. Your ethics professor wears a house arrest anklet
70. Boasts nation's only Ph.D. program in street magic
71. English department's budget slashed to help fund the make-your-own-sundae bar
72. Students allowed to transfer Delta Skymiles for college credit
73. Doesn't have a campus radio station but does have its own CB radio handle
74. The "grading couch"
75. Was Tommy Lee's reality show safety school
76. Has a swim-up dinig hall
77. Campus built on top of an ancient Native American community college
78. Images of campus life in brochure are stills from SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE 2: NAUGHTY NIGHTMARE
79. Professors begin class with, "Let's get our learn on!"
80. Professors end class with, "Smell ya later, ****!"
81. Your dean is just a guy named Dean who works the cafeteria pasta station
82. One gown passed from person to person in diploma line
83. It's the reason US NEWS introduced "Total Shithole" ranking
84. Banner over main gate reads OVER ONE MILLION TEACHED
85. In lieu of essay, applicants asked for list of "most effed-up YouTube vids"
86. Your fight song is Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is"
87. Professor holds office hours in his taco truck
88. Orientation includes chemical delousing
89. Offers minor in Winning Radio Contests
90. Official website is MySpace page
91. Scholarship awarded via hottest buns contest
92. President's office has a condom machine in it
93. Recently went coed, with proviso "No fat chicks"
94. All textbooks are from the Everyone Poops series
95. School's motto is Latin for "Home of 10-Cent Wing Night"
96. Has an Assistant Dean of High-Fiving
97. Sign out front says WALK-INS WELCOME!
98. If your roommate commits suicide you get a free iPod Shuffle
99. Ivy is mostly poison sumac
100. "No shoes, no shirt, no diploma" policy


Seen this in Radar Magazine and felt compelled to post it up

 

 

Nice.