You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a ****tail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A MAN inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"WIFE Wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a man steals your WIFE,
there is no better revenge than to let hHIM keep HER.

A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doe sn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

 

hahahahaha i like the last one