smartass
smartass
>a Father Passing By His Son's Bedroom Was Astonished To See The Bed Was
>nicely Made And Everything Was Picked Up.
>then He Saw An Envelope Propped Up Prominently On The Center Of The Bed. It
>was Addressed, "dad"
>
>with The Worst Premonition, He Opened The Envelope And Read The Letter With
>trembling Hands:
>
>
>dear Dad,
>
>it Is With Great Regret And Sorrow That I'm Writing This. I Had To Elope
>with My New Girlfriend Because I Wanted To Avoid A Scene With Mom And You.
>i've Been Finding Real Passion With Barbara And She Is So Nice Even With
>all
>her Piercings, Tattoos, And Her Tight Motorcycle Clothes. But It's Not Only
>the Passion, Dad - She's Pregnant And Barbara Assures Me That We Will Be
>very Happy. Even Though You Don't Care For Her Since She Is So Much Older
>than I
>am, She Already Owns A Trailer In The Woods And Has A Stack Of Firewood
>enough For The Whole Winter.
>
>she Wants To Have Many More Children With Me And That's Now One Of My
>dreams
>too. Barbara Taught Me That Marijuana Doesn't Really Hurt Anyone And We'll
>be Growing It For Ourselves And Trading It With Her Friends For All The
>cocaine
>and Ecstasy We Need. In The Meantime, We Pray That Science Will Find A Cure
>for Aids So That Barbara Can Get Better; She Sure Deserves It!!
>
>don't Worry, Dad, I'm 15 Years Old Now And I Know How To Take Care Of
>myself. Someday I'm Sure We'll Be Back To Visit So You Can Get To Know Your
>grandchildren.
>
>
>your Son, John
>
>
>p.s. Dad, None Of This Is True. I'm Over At Billy's House. I Just Wanted To
>remind You That There Are Worse Things In Life Than My Report Card Which Is
>in My Desk Center Drawer. I Love You!
>
>
>p.s.s. Call When It's Safe For Me To Come Home
>nicely Made And Everything Was Picked Up.
>then He Saw An Envelope Propped Up Prominently On The Center Of The Bed. It
>was Addressed, "dad"
>
>with The Worst Premonition, He Opened The Envelope And Read The Letter With
>trembling Hands:
>
>
>dear Dad,
>
>it Is With Great Regret And Sorrow That I'm Writing This. I Had To Elope
>with My New Girlfriend Because I Wanted To Avoid A Scene With Mom And You.
>i've Been Finding Real Passion With Barbara And She Is So Nice Even With
>all
>her Piercings, Tattoos, And Her Tight Motorcycle Clothes. But It's Not Only
>the Passion, Dad - She's Pregnant And Barbara Assures Me That We Will Be
>very Happy. Even Though You Don't Care For Her Since She Is So Much Older
>than I
>am, She Already Owns A Trailer In The Woods And Has A Stack Of Firewood
>enough For The Whole Winter.
>
>she Wants To Have Many More Children With Me And That's Now One Of My
>dreams
>too. Barbara Taught Me That Marijuana Doesn't Really Hurt Anyone And We'll
>be Growing It For Ourselves And Trading It With Her Friends For All The
>cocaine
>and Ecstasy We Need. In The Meantime, We Pray That Science Will Find A Cure
>for Aids So That Barbara Can Get Better; She Sure Deserves It!!
>
>don't Worry, Dad, I'm 15 Years Old Now And I Know How To Take Care Of
>myself. Someday I'm Sure We'll Be Back To Visit So You Can Get To Know Your
>grandchildren.
>
>
>your Son, John
>
>
>p.s. Dad, None Of This Is True. I'm Over At Billy's House. I Just Wanted To
>remind You That There Are Worse Things In Life Than My Report Card Which Is
>in My Desk Center Drawer. I Love You!
>
>
>p.s.s. Call When It's Safe For Me To Come Home
Re: smartass
2 men board an airplane and sit next too each other, both have black eyes. The first man chuckles and looks over to his new black eye buddy and asks: "So, how did you get your black eye?". The man replies: "Well, it was kind of a tongue twister and I didn't mean to say it but at the counter when I was buying my ticket, there was this gorgeous woman with the HUGEST ***** I've ever seen. So, what I meant to say was 'Can I please have 2 tickets to Pittsburg', but what I really said was 'Can I have to Pickets to Titsburg'. Well she socked me a good one after that." The first man laughed, and said to his wounded comrade: "Thats funny, b/c mine was a tongue twister as well. At breakfast this morning I mean to say 'Honey please pass me the box of frosties' but what I really said was 'You've ruined my life you f$%kin **** bag ***** and I will never forgive you'!!!
Re: smartass
3 men are driving and their car breaks down, so they walk to the nearest house up the road. The lady that owns that house was very nice and said they could all stay until morning but on one condition, they didn't go out to the nearby barn. So, the men agreed but later that night the men were all curious and went out to the barn only to find in the barn a horrifying site.... men's *****' were hanging all over the walls. As they turned to run, the woman stood at the door holding her shotgun blocking the exit. "I told you not to come out to the barn" the lady yelled, "so now I'm going to have to cut your d$%ks off according to all your fathers occupations."
The first guy replied: "Well, my dad's a butcher", so the woman grabbed a meat cleaver and hacked his **** off. The 2nd man replied: "Well, my father makes knives", so the woman grabbed a knife and hacked it off. She approached the 3rd guy, and to her surprise the man had a huge $hit grin on his face, she asked him: "What the F$%K are you smiling about, I'm about to hack your **** off". He replied, "My dads a lollipop maker, you're gonna have to **** my d$%k off!!!"
The first guy replied: "Well, my dad's a butcher", so the woman grabbed a meat cleaver and hacked his **** off. The 2nd man replied: "Well, my father makes knives", so the woman grabbed a knife and hacked it off. She approached the 3rd guy, and to her surprise the man had a huge $hit grin on his face, she asked him: "What the F$%K are you smiling about, I'm about to hack your **** off". He replied, "My dads a lollipop maker, you're gonna have to **** my d$%k off!!!"
Re: smartass
Originally Posted by Mr. Farley
2 men board an airplane and sit next too each other, both have black eyes. The first man chuckles and looks over to his new black eye buddy and asks: "So, how did you get your black eye?". The man replies: "Well, it was kind of a tongue twister and I didn't mean to say it but at the counter when I was buying my ticket, there was this gorgeous woman with the HUGEST ***** I've ever seen. So, what I meant to say was 'Can I please have 2 tickets to Pittsburg', but what I really said was 'Can I have to Pickets to Titsburg'. Well she socked me a good one after that." The first man laughed, and said to his wounded comrade: "Thats funny, b/c mine was a tongue twister as well. At breakfast this morning I mean to say 'Honey please pass me the box of frosties' but what I really said was 'You've ruined my life you f$%kin **** bag ***** and I will never forgive you'!!!
that is the funniest shiat ever
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Jul 23, 2007 11:42 AM








