A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my *** for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady *****es cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those ******** from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little *****
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat *** and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

 

Hell yah....thas whats up! Santa is a

 

Continued:
Mrs clause found me bangin that blonde and sent down the elves to cut off my magic wand
so now I'm back to the winterland station but I'll be robing your houses for another vacation
so F*ck your glass of milk leave me a beer and some nookie and most of all u Best get me some cookies
this year in your stocking you'll find a nice load cause I used it as a form of big birthcontrol
so next time you wake up to a loud screaming clatter don't get up to the window to see whats matter
It's just me santa and I'm out on the loose tagging a B!tch with a damn nice caboose

The IRS wont find me I'll be up on your roofs

 

^^hahah lmao