Something to offend everyone
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 813
From: The B K Lounge
Something to offend everyone
** I know this is an oldie but worth the chuckle **
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton *****.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the ****** on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton *****.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the ****** on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
Registered User
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,137
From: spartanburg, SC
Re: Something to offend everyone
Q: Why did God invent armadillos?
A: So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half-shell
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
Q.What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp
Q whats the easiest way to babysit a black kid?
A. Wet it's lips and stick it to the refridigerator
Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person?
A: Ooops, I burnt one!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person?
A: A Snowblower that Doesn't work!
Q.How do you get a bunch of mexicans in a car?
A.Throw a dollar in it.
Q.How do you get them out?
A.Throw in a job application!!!
Q.What's the difference between a white and a mexican?
A. A shower.
NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE...ALL IN FUN!!!!
A: So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half-shell
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
Q.What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp
Q whats the easiest way to babysit a black kid?
A. Wet it's lips and stick it to the refridigerator
Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person?
A: Ooops, I burnt one!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person?
A: A Snowblower that Doesn't work!
Q.How do you get a bunch of mexicans in a car?
A.Throw a dollar in it.
Q.How do you get them out?
A.Throw in a job application!!!
Q.What's the difference between a white and a mexican?
A. A shower.
NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE...ALL IN FUN!!!!
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,031
From: CT
Re: Something to offend everyone
haha lmao yeah one of the lady's i use to work with posted the first set of jokes this one:
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
is true lol thats why my x's got kicked to the curb lol
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
is true lol thats why my x's got kicked to the curb lol
Registered User
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 6,124
From: wherever willie is
Re: Something to offend everyone
wow least offensive jokes ever
why do black people only have nightmares?
the last one to have a dream we killed..ahahaha
whats teh diff between a truck bed full of dead babies, and one full of bowling *****?
u dont unload the bowling ***** with a pitch fork
why do black people only have nightmares?
the last one to have a dream we killed..ahahaha
whats teh diff between a truck bed full of dead babies, and one full of bowling *****?
u dont unload the bowling ***** with a pitch fork
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 26
From: pheonix az
Re: Something to offend everyone
heres to bad ones or good jus depending on how ya wanna take it...
whats green and hangs from my porch...
my ****** i can paint him any color i want..
whats the diff between a ****** and a piece of ****...
after awhile the piece of **** turns white and stops smelling..
whats green and hangs from my porch...
my ****** i can paint him any color i want..
whats the diff between a ****** and a piece of ****...
after awhile the piece of **** turns white and stops smelling..
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