A few jokes...*some dirty*
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,085
From: Tulsa, Oklahoma
A few jokes...*some dirty*
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
He replied "He is my next door neighbor".
The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".
The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand.
Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
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IN YOUR FACE *Warning*
A kid is walking down the road, when a car pulls up next to him.
The man in the car opens the window and asks the kid if in return for a sweet he will come in his car.
To which the boy replies "GIVE ME A FIVER AND I'LL COME IN YOUR FACE"!!!!
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REJECTED HALLMARK CARD IDEAS:
1. So your Daughters a hooker and it spoiled your day... look on the bright side, she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.
3. You had your Bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of depends.
4. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I felt real snippy.
5. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
6. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry
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"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
He replied "He is my next door neighbor".
The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".
The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand.
Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
---------------
IN YOUR FACE *Warning*
A kid is walking down the road, when a car pulls up next to him.
The man in the car opens the window and asks the kid if in return for a sweet he will come in his car.
To which the boy replies "GIVE ME A FIVER AND I'LL COME IN YOUR FACE"!!!!
-----------------
REJECTED HALLMARK CARD IDEAS:
1. So your Daughters a hooker and it spoiled your day... look on the bright side, she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.
3. You had your Bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of depends.
4. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I felt real snippy.
5. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
6. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry
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