He said/She said
Thread Starter
Registered User
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,199
From: Clinton Twp, MI, Traveling at the moment!! I live everywhere....
He said/She said
Email I got today:
> > He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put
> > in it.
> > She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
> > **********************
> > He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
> > She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while
> > I sit on the sofa and fart.
> > **********************
> > He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
> > you?
> > She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
> > ************************
> > He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
> > She said . . . I would but you're never there.
> > ************************
> > On a wall in a ladies room . .. . "My husband follows me everywhere"
> > Written just below it . . .. " I do not"
> > ************************
> > Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to
> > do the dishes?
> > A. Both of them.
> > ***************************
> > Q. Why did the man cross the road?
> > A. He heard the chicken was a ****.
> > ***************************
> > Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
> > A. They don't have time
> > ***************************
> > Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
> > A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
> > *****************************
> > Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
> > A. He buys two cases of beer.
> > ******************************
> > Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
> > A. The bonds mature.
> > ********************************
> > Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
> > A. So men can remember them.
> > ********************************
> > Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
> > A. We don't know; it has never happened.
> > ********************************
> > Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and
> > good-looking?
> > A. They already have boyfriends.
> > *********************************
> > Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
> > A. A widow.
> > ***********************************
> > Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
> > A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
> > Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
> > **************************************
> > Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
> > A. They're married.
> > ************************************
> > Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
> > God says: "So you would love her."
> > But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
> > God says: "So she would love you."
> > He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put
> > in it.
> > She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
> > **********************
> > He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
> > She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while
> > I sit on the sofa and fart.
> > **********************
> > He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
> > you?
> > She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
> > ************************
> > He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
> > She said . . . I would but you're never there.
> > ************************
> > On a wall in a ladies room . .. . "My husband follows me everywhere"
> > Written just below it . . .. " I do not"
> > ************************
> > Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to
> > do the dishes?
> > A. Both of them.
> > ***************************
> > Q. Why did the man cross the road?
> > A. He heard the chicken was a ****.
> > ***************************
> > Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
> > A. They don't have time
> > ***************************
> > Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
> > A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
> > *****************************
> > Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
> > A. He buys two cases of beer.
> > ******************************
> > Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
> > A. The bonds mature.
> > ********************************
> > Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
> > A. So men can remember them.
> > ********************************
> > Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
> > A. We don't know; it has never happened.
> > ********************************
> > Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and
> > good-looking?
> > A. They already have boyfriends.
> > *********************************
> > Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
> > A. A widow.
> > ***********************************
> > Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
> > A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
> > Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
> > **************************************
> > Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
> > A. They're married.
> > ************************************
> > Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
> > God says: "So you would love her."
> > But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
> > God says: "So she would love you."
...
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 16,298
From: Denver, ColoRADo
oh yeah???
-how do you turn a fox into a cow? marry her
-what kind of food makes women lose their sex drive? wedding cake
-if your new bride eats a 2nd peice of wedding cake, kill her on the honeymoon
-why did cavemen drag their women by the hair? because if they were dragged by the feet they'd fill with mud
-why dont AVON ladies walk fast? thier lipstick
-ladie goes into the sex shop and says"where are all the ******?", the guy says, on that wall, she says "i'll take that red one", he says, there on the wall NEXT to the fire extingwisher
-why dont cannabils eat divorced women? their too bitter
-why did the guy have a picture of his ex-wife on top of his tv? to remind him where his vcr went
and finnally...
A husband and wife are on a road trip when the nagging wife breaks down and tells her mate shes been cheating on him. She then states shes gonna take him to court and take his cars, he puts it up to 70, she says then i'm gonna take your house and all it possesions, he goes up to 80, then im taking the kids and making you pay child support, he puts it to 90 and says, thats ok, theres somthing you cant take from me! She says o-yeah whats that, he puts it to 100 and says, THE AIRBAG
-what kind of food makes women lose their sex drive? wedding cake
-if your new bride eats a 2nd peice of wedding cake, kill her on the honeymoon
-why did cavemen drag their women by the hair? because if they were dragged by the feet they'd fill with mud
-why dont AVON ladies walk fast? thier lipstick
-ladie goes into the sex shop and says"where are all the ******?", the guy says, on that wall, she says "i'll take that red one", he says, there on the wall NEXT to the fire extingwisher
-why dont cannabils eat divorced women? their too bitter
-why did the guy have a picture of his ex-wife on top of his tv? to remind him where his vcr went
and finnally...
A husband and wife are on a road trip when the nagging wife breaks down and tells her mate shes been cheating on him. She then states shes gonna take him to court and take his cars, he puts it up to 70, she says then i'm gonna take your house and all it possesions, he goes up to 80, then im taking the kids and making you pay child support, he puts it to 90 and says, thats ok, theres somthing you cant take from me! She says o-yeah whats that, he puts it to 100 and says, THE AIRBAG
.......lol funny though
Registered User
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 444
From: Jerzey
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, ****, Etc."
Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken
Top 10 Things Only Women Understand
10) Cats' facial expressions.
9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8) Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7) “Fat” clothes.
6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3) Eyelash curlers.
2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
1) Other women.
8 things you will never hear a woman say
8. What do you mean today's our anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!
5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'
4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
2. I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch,entertain,sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill for, commit, snuggle, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN
Show up naked ..... and bring beer.
haha, i got more but am to lazy to post them.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, ****, Etc."
Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken
Top 10 Things Only Women Understand
10) Cats' facial expressions.
9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8) Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7) “Fat” clothes.
6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3) Eyelash curlers.
2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
1) Other women.
8 things you will never hear a woman say
8. What do you mean today's our anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!
5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'
4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
2. I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch,entertain,sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill for, commit, snuggle, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN
Show up naked ..... and bring beer.
haha, i got more but am to lazy to post them.
Last edited by Wheelie Ripper; Feb 7, 2003 at 02:33 PM.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Why do women wear white on their wedding.
To match the dishwasher,stove and oven.
How do you turn a dishwasher into snow plower.
Give her shovel.
Man is walking down the beach he finds this bottle just laying there and he picks it up and opens it. Genie pops out and Says "I'll grant three wishes but one catch every thing you get your wife gets double." So the man says I want seventy million dollars. Genie says ok but you know your wife will get double man says ok. Second wish I want three beach front mantions. Genie say ok but your wife will get six. Man says ok. Genie says and your third and final wish. The man says " Beat me Half to death."
To match the dishwasher,stove and oven.
How do you turn a dishwasher into snow plower.
Give her shovel.
Man is walking down the beach he finds this bottle just laying there and he picks it up and opens it. Genie pops out and Says "I'll grant three wishes but one catch every thing you get your wife gets double." So the man says I want seventy million dollars. Genie says ok but you know your wife will get double man says ok. Second wish I want three beach front mantions. Genie say ok but your wife will get six. Man says ok. Genie says and your third and final wish. The man says " Beat me Half to death."
Renegade Distribution
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,283
From: Sunshine State
Originally posted by Wheelie Ripper
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch,entertain,sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill for, commit, snuggle, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN
Show up naked ..... and bring beer.
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch,entertain,sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill for, commit, snuggle, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN
Show up naked ..... and bring beer.
BWhahahahahaha
:happyguy 
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 28
From: elkin
...what do you say to a woman with two black eyes....nothing you already told the ho twice
...why they’re the space between the cabinets and the floor in the kitchen…..so she will have somewhere to put her feet
…why is there a light in the kitchen….so she can see to fix you super
that my
...why they’re the space between the cabinets and the floor in the kitchen…..so she will have somewhere to put her feet
…why is there a light in the kitchen….so she can see to fix you super
that my
