The Rolodex of Love....
01-23-2009, 10:05 PM
#1
unemployment anonymous
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: MASSHOLE
Age: 39
Posts: 2,205
The Rolodex of Love....
The Rolodex of Love....
1. Tea bag - As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your
******* in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot
water.. An old favorite
2. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you **** on her
chest. (a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
3. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then
jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
4. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before
you ejaculate, sticking your dick in her ***, and then punching he! r
in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it
to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her *******
tightens up.
5. Golden Shower - Any form of peeing on a girl. (a.k.a.: watersports)
6. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you *** on the neck/cleavage
area of a girl, it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
7. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty skank
and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize
that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore, you must gnaw off your
own arm to get out of this situation. Can be very painful.
8. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex
and you withdraw your ***** in order to slap it on her cheek. It
should leave a lasting impression similar to a! purple mushroom.
9. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back
and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance
yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then to flap
your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move.
10. Double Fishhook - From the doggy-style position, you hook your
pinky fingers in her mouth and pull back to achieve deeper
penetration.
11. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start
ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of
the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those
lulls in penile sensitivity.
12. Dog in a Bathtub - This is the proper name for when you attempt to
insert your nuts into a girl's ***. It is so named because it can! be
just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
13. The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going
doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab
onto her **** as tightly as possible and yell another girl's name.
This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you
off.
14. Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not
wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her
**** sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
15. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat
your ***, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as
possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over
her face, neck and ****. (Better in her bed)
16. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you
go down on her, you puke on her box. Happy trails!
17. The Durty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the
bone doggie style, you insert your finger into said woman's *******,
pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, ****
moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Durty
Sanchez.
18. Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that
your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks
use; hence, western.
19. The Blumpkin! - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It
involves having her suck you off while you're on the *******.
20. The Bismark - Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are
about to spew, pull out and shoot all over her face. Follow that with
a punch and smear the blood and **** together.
21. Jelly Doughnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do
is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
22. Woody Woodpecker - While a chick is sucking on your *****,
repeatedly tap the head of your **** on her forehead.
23. Tossing salad - Well known by now. A prison act where one person
is forced to chow ******* with the help of whatever condiments are
available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison.
24. The Fi! sh Eye - Working from behind, you shove your finger in her
pooper. Thereupon, she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to
see what the hell you are doing.
25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick, lapping away, and you discover
that it's her time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When
the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your
face.
26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a
mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth
fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the ****
out of her.
27. The Chili Dog - You take a dump on the girl's chest and then titty **** her.
28. ******* Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an **** probe is
for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-b! all pitcher proud and use
multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles
required (either on one finger or on multiple).
29. The Rear Admiral - An absolute blast. When getting a chick from
behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab
onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her
backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push
her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You
attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room
without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto
her hips.
30. Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over the skank's face and
taking a dump.
31. Ray Bans - Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head.
You're can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible,
but it is definitely worth a try.
32. The Snowmobile - When plugging a girl while she's on all fours,
reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
33. The Dutch Oven - Also well known. Whenever you fart while humping,
pull the covers over her head. Don't let her out until all movement
ceases..
34. Rusty Trombone - Getting the reacharound while getting your salad
tossed. Also known as milking the prostate.
35. Turkey Shoot - When you're coming, come on her face and let ! it
drip off her chin so it looks like that red **** on the turkey's chin.
36. Stovepiping - Taking it in the Tush.
37. Bargoyle - The hideous old hair-spray hag who seems to live at
your local watering hole. She usually smokes endlessly, spends
hundreds of dollars a night on video-poker, and makes sexually
threatening comments to frightened college freshmen.
38. Mangry - Describing the anger of women who are angry at men,
specifically. "She's such a bitch, she's just plain mangry."
39. Clitourist - A man who won't stop and ask for directions in bed.
ie: "Because of his fouled foreplay, Suzy realized that her new
boyfriend was no experienced bedroom traveler, but merely a
clitourist."
40. Australian Death Grip - The act of grabbing a woman b! y the
haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped
or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great
opportunity for wagering among friends.
41. Valsalva - The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a
woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed
just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing
swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great
first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement
will be going forward.
42. Angry dragon - This involves the girl giving the guy head, and as
he is about to ***, karate-chopping the girl in the throat, causing
the *** to shoot out her nose.
43. Tony Danza - a takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony
Danza. When you are about to *** while doing a girl from be! hind, you
say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ***. Before she says
anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch her in the back of the
head.
44. Alaskan firedragon - another good take off is one of the angry
dragon that is called the alaskan firedragon. When a girl is giving
you a *******, *** in her mouth unexpectedly and plug up her mouth at
the same time. Then whisper in her ear "i have syphilis" so she spews
it out her nose.
45. The Fat Lip - If you get poison ivy and finger a girl, her labia
lips will swell. A la, the fat lip.
1. Tea bag - As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your
******* in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot
water.. An old favorite
2. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you **** on her
chest. (a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
3. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then
jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
4. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before
you ejaculate, sticking your dick in her ***, and then punching he! r
in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it
to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her *******
tightens up.
5. Golden Shower - Any form of peeing on a girl. (a.k.a.: watersports)
6. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you *** on the neck/cleavage
area of a girl, it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
7. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty skank
and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize
that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore, you must gnaw off your
own arm to get out of this situation. Can be very painful.
8. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex
and you withdraw your ***** in order to slap it on her cheek. It
should leave a lasting impression similar to a! purple mushroom.
9. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back
and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance
yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then to flap
your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move.
10. Double Fishhook - From the doggy-style position, you hook your
pinky fingers in her mouth and pull back to achieve deeper
penetration.
11. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start
ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of
the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those
lulls in penile sensitivity.
12. Dog in a Bathtub - This is the proper name for when you attempt to
insert your nuts into a girl's ***. It is so named because it can! be
just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
13. The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going
doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab
onto her **** as tightly as possible and yell another girl's name.
This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you
off.
14. Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not
wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her
**** sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
15. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat
your ***, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as
possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over
her face, neck and ****. (Better in her bed)
16. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you
go down on her, you puke on her box. Happy trails!
17. The Durty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the
bone doggie style, you insert your finger into said woman's *******,
pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, ****
moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Durty
Sanchez.
18. Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that
your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks
use; hence, western.
19. The Blumpkin! - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It
involves having her suck you off while you're on the *******.
20. The Bismark - Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are
about to spew, pull out and shoot all over her face. Follow that with
a punch and smear the blood and **** together.
21. Jelly Doughnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do
is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
22. Woody Woodpecker - While a chick is sucking on your *****,
repeatedly tap the head of your **** on her forehead.
23. Tossing salad - Well known by now. A prison act where one person
is forced to chow ******* with the help of whatever condiments are
available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison.
24. The Fi! sh Eye - Working from behind, you shove your finger in her
pooper. Thereupon, she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to
see what the hell you are doing.
25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick, lapping away, and you discover
that it's her time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When
the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your
face.
26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a
mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth
fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the ****
out of her.
27. The Chili Dog - You take a dump on the girl's chest and then titty **** her.
28. ******* Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an **** probe is
for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-b! all pitcher proud and use
multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles
required (either on one finger or on multiple).
29. The Rear Admiral - An absolute blast. When getting a chick from
behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab
onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her
backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push
her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You
attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room
without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto
her hips.
30. Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over the skank's face and
taking a dump.
31. Ray Bans - Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head.
You're can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible,
but it is definitely worth a try.
32. The Snowmobile - When plugging a girl while she's on all fours,
reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
33. The Dutch Oven - Also well known. Whenever you fart while humping,
pull the covers over her head. Don't let her out until all movement
ceases..
34. Rusty Trombone - Getting the reacharound while getting your salad
tossed. Also known as milking the prostate.
35. Turkey Shoot - When you're coming, come on her face and let ! it
drip off her chin so it looks like that red **** on the turkey's chin.
36. Stovepiping - Taking it in the Tush.
37. Bargoyle - The hideous old hair-spray hag who seems to live at
your local watering hole. She usually smokes endlessly, spends
hundreds of dollars a night on video-poker, and makes sexually
threatening comments to frightened college freshmen.
38. Mangry - Describing the anger of women who are angry at men,
specifically. "She's such a bitch, she's just plain mangry."
39. Clitourist - A man who won't stop and ask for directions in bed.
ie: "Because of his fouled foreplay, Suzy realized that her new
boyfriend was no experienced bedroom traveler, but merely a
clitourist."
40. Australian Death Grip - The act of grabbing a woman b! y the
haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped
or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great
opportunity for wagering among friends.
41. Valsalva - The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a
woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed
just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing
swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great
first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement
will be going forward.
42. Angry dragon - This involves the girl giving the guy head, and as
he is about to ***, karate-chopping the girl in the throat, causing
the *** to shoot out her nose.
43. Tony Danza - a takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony
Danza. When you are about to *** while doing a girl from be! hind, you
say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ***. Before she says
anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch her in the back of the
head.
44. Alaskan firedragon - another good take off is one of the angry
dragon that is called the alaskan firedragon. When a girl is giving
you a *******, *** in her mouth unexpectedly and plug up her mouth at
the same time. Then whisper in her ear "i have syphilis" so she spews
it out her nose.
45. The Fat Lip - If you get poison ivy and finger a girl, her labia
lips will swell. A la, the fat lip.
01-23-2009, 10:06 PM
#2
unemployment anonymous
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: MASSHOLE
Age: 39
Posts: 2,205
Re: The Rolodex of Love....
46. The Houdini - this maneuver is accomplished while going at it
doggy style. As you feel you are about to ***, you pull out and spit
on the small of her back (making her think you've finished...). It's
at the point when she turns around when *BAM!* You bust your load in
her face (in the eye if you've got p! roper aiming techniques down.)
Also known as the Doug Hennings and the David Copperfield.
47. Upperdecking (not sexual)- This one takes practice. This maneuver
requires a toilet with a tank above it, like the ones in most homes.
Instead of crapping in the bowl, you **** in the tank (i.e.
upperdecking). Now don't flush. When the following victim flushes, the
rancid waste fills the bowl.. If you play your cards right, it may
ferment.
48. Airtight - this is where a girl has a **** in each of her three
holes, hence, airtight.
49. The Throne of Lightning - This is done by ******* a girl while you
**** in a toilet. When you're going to blow your load, turn her over
and dunk her head in the toilet, while she's bobbing for your turd
plummet a river of semen in her ***. Not to be confused with "Ride the
Lightning," a Metallica album.
50. ! Abe Lincoln - You're getting a girl up the *** and give her a
swift donkey punch to the back of her head, knocking her unconscious.
You then turn her around and jerk off and blow your load all over her
face. Then you shave her beaver and take the clippings and spread it
where you jizzed on her, making a beard that looks like good ol Honest
Abe's
51. The Beverly Hills Whiffer -This move is restricted to those women
who think they're God's gift to the world. Find a woman of the above
description. Take her home and start doggie styling her. When you're
about to blow, corkscrew two f! ingers into her ***, scraping as much
**** as you can from her. Pull out your fingers, reach around her head
to stick one finger in each nostril. Pull her head back so she can see
you while you yell "So, you think your **** don't stink now ?!"
52. Shanghai Shampoo - **** a chick until you've built up a load large
enough to paint a room. Blow it all in her hair, rub it in thoroughly.
When it dries it will resemble the crunchy noodles often served with
chop suey.
53. Frosting the Cake - When you are about to ***, blow a load all
over her chest. Then take your dick and evenly spread the **** around
the breasts and over the nipples. Then stick some candles on it and
start singing "Happy Birthday." Then blow out the candles
54. Toboggan - At the top of a flight of stairs, as you're
doggy-styling a chick, give her a modified donkey punch bet! ween her
shoulders. As her arms fly into the air, grab her wrists and thrust...
You should be able to ride her down the stairs like a toboggan.
55. The Triple Crown of Sex - In the yapper, the snapper and the
crapper all in the same session.
56. Tombstone 69 - while having standing 69 with her upside down, wait
till you cheeze then exclaim "tombstone" and drop her on her head WWF
style. With any luck she will proceed to expell "angry dragon" style
as well because of the impact.
57. Shanghai Stirfry - when a girl gives you a *******, pukes all over
your **** and keeps going.
58. Hot Carl - when you withdraw your shaft from the bowels of her
anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning.
59. **** Trumpet - While down on a chick, pla! ce your lips solidly
over her love hole and blow, watch her stomach rise as she fills with
air. Then, with a firm hand push down on her stomach to let all the
air out like the beautiful sound of a trumpet.
60. Rodeo **** - When you are doing your girl doggystyle, bend over
and whisper in her ear, "your almost as good a lay as your sister..."
Then try to hold on for 8 seconds.
61. Seal the Envelope - When hooking up with a really drunk girl and
she passes out before you ***, turn her over and blow your load all
over her *** crack. When it drys, it will seal her butt cheeks
together and she will have to pry them open the next day - hence,
sealing the envelope.
62. The Shocker - Two in the Pink and one in the Stink. Or for more
stimulation, put two in the cooter, one in the pooter, and use your
thumb to rub the bush.
63.
servicing your pole. At some random point in time during this act you
pull out, twist your hips, yell "BATTER UP!!!!" and smack her firmly
in the cheek with your baseball bat like ****.
64. The Mumbler - A girl in pants that are too tight (you can see the
lips moving but you can't make out what they're saying).
65. The Wheelbarrow - Man and woman are going at it doggystyle on the
floor, then the man grabs the woman's legs and stands up, leaving the
woman's arms on the ground, and starts running around the roo! m,
continuing to pillage her vagander.
doggy style. As you feel you are about to ***, you pull out and spit
on the small of her back (making her think you've finished...). It's
at the point when she turns around when *BAM!* You bust your load in
her face (in the eye if you've got p! roper aiming techniques down.)
Also known as the Doug Hennings and the David Copperfield.
47. Upperdecking (not sexual)- This one takes practice. This maneuver
requires a toilet with a tank above it, like the ones in most homes.
Instead of crapping in the bowl, you **** in the tank (i.e.
upperdecking). Now don't flush. When the following victim flushes, the
rancid waste fills the bowl.. If you play your cards right, it may
ferment.
48. Airtight - this is where a girl has a **** in each of her three
holes, hence, airtight.
49. The Throne of Lightning - This is done by ******* a girl while you
**** in a toilet. When you're going to blow your load, turn her over
and dunk her head in the toilet, while she's bobbing for your turd
plummet a river of semen in her ***. Not to be confused with "Ride the
Lightning," a Metallica album.
50. ! Abe Lincoln - You're getting a girl up the *** and give her a
swift donkey punch to the back of her head, knocking her unconscious.
You then turn her around and jerk off and blow your load all over her
face. Then you shave her beaver and take the clippings and spread it
where you jizzed on her, making a beard that looks like good ol Honest
Abe's
51. The Beverly Hills Whiffer -This move is restricted to those women
who think they're God's gift to the world. Find a woman of the above
description. Take her home and start doggie styling her. When you're
about to blow, corkscrew two f! ingers into her ***, scraping as much
**** as you can from her. Pull out your fingers, reach around her head
to stick one finger in each nostril. Pull her head back so she can see
you while you yell "So, you think your **** don't stink now ?!"
52. Shanghai Shampoo - **** a chick until you've built up a load large
enough to paint a room. Blow it all in her hair, rub it in thoroughly.
When it dries it will resemble the crunchy noodles often served with
chop suey.
53. Frosting the Cake - When you are about to ***, blow a load all
over her chest. Then take your dick and evenly spread the **** around
the breasts and over the nipples. Then stick some candles on it and
start singing "Happy Birthday." Then blow out the candles
54. Toboggan - At the top of a flight of stairs, as you're
doggy-styling a chick, give her a modified donkey punch bet! ween her
shoulders. As her arms fly into the air, grab her wrists and thrust...
You should be able to ride her down the stairs like a toboggan.
55. The Triple Crown of Sex - In the yapper, the snapper and the
crapper all in the same session.
56. Tombstone 69 - while having standing 69 with her upside down, wait
till you cheeze then exclaim "tombstone" and drop her on her head WWF
style. With any luck she will proceed to expell "angry dragon" style
as well because of the impact.
57. Shanghai Stirfry - when a girl gives you a *******, pukes all over
your **** and keeps going.
58. Hot Carl - when you withdraw your shaft from the bowels of her
anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning.
59. **** Trumpet - While down on a chick, pla! ce your lips solidly
over her love hole and blow, watch her stomach rise as she fills with
air. Then, with a firm hand push down on her stomach to let all the
air out like the beautiful sound of a trumpet.
60. Rodeo **** - When you are doing your girl doggystyle, bend over
and whisper in her ear, "your almost as good a lay as your sister..."
Then try to hold on for 8 seconds.
61. Seal the Envelope - When hooking up with a really drunk girl and
she passes out before you ***, turn her over and blow your load all
over her *** crack. When it drys, it will seal her butt cheeks
together and she will have to pry them open the next day - hence,
sealing the envelope.
62. The Shocker - Two in the Pink and one in the Stink. Or for more
stimulation, put two in the cooter, one in the pooter, and use your
thumb to rub the bush.
63.
servicing your pole. At some random point in time during this act you
pull out, twist your hips, yell "BATTER UP!!!!" and smack her firmly
in the cheek with your baseball bat like ****.
64. The Mumbler - A girl in pants that are too tight (you can see the
lips moving but you can't make out what they're saying).
65. The Wheelbarrow - Man and woman are going at it doggystyle on the
floor, then the man grabs the woman's legs and stands up, leaving the
woman's arms on the ground, and starts running around the roo! m,
continuing to pillage her vagander.
01-23-2009, 10:45 PM
#6
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Texas
Age: 41
Posts: 303
Re: The Rolodex of Love....
Another variation of this, what my friends and me called rodeo sex. was to have them hide in the room of choice and shat hidden for several minutes until the chick was way into it, then jump out and bounce and run around screaming while you are still plugging away LOl
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