okay, a friend of mine wrote this, but its hysterical. and almost true. and i'm a chick, so that makes it even worse......

Women....and cows. Two entirely different species, and yet so oddly alike. First we have the physical similarites. Let's start from the ground up. Hooves. Ok, so maybe women do not have hooves, but they do wear high heels. Ever why women walk around with their butt out like they are a cat in heat every time they get dressed up? It's those high heels, baby. You could put high heels on a truck driver and he'd walk around like he just ran out of Preparation H too. After the hooves, we have the legs. Obviously, a given. It'd be hard for women to drag men away from the TV set to take them to the mall where they steal his credit card to buy more hooves..I mean, shoes...without legs. Walking into a mall is like watching the Walk for the Cure. Women in every direction, furiously power-walking out from one store into another. Ever see a lady without muscular legs? It just doesn't happen. I don't care if they are fat, or have an advanced case of muscular dystrophy. They all have muscular legs. Even if those muscles are covered by a few inches of fat, there's still enough muscle from that shopping to lift a Buick off the ground...I've seen it done. Ok. Next we have the tail. Um....kinda coming up with a blank here. I'd use the butt, but I kinda covered that with the hooves, and I don't really want to get into more trouble by going into more detail concerning THAT part of the anatomy, soooo......moving on. Here, we are at the stomach. Always full, in the process of being full, or about to start that process. This here is one of the true differences between men and women. Us men constantly eat because we are constantly hungry. A valid enough reason. Women, on the other hand, constantly eat simply because...they can. Ever hear a woman go "Oh, I can't I've already eaten....Oh, ok, just a taste then." Taste? My rear end they just taste. You really think its just a coincidence the world champion for hot dog eating is a woman? Think again! Well then, where does it all go, you ask? Well, that brings us to the next part of the cow. Udders. This right here I think proves my eating theory. Men do not have *****. Men eat because they are hungry, thereby processing the food into needed energy. When women eat....it's gotta go somewhere, right? This is why women, like cows, have *****. The difference is, cows have more then 2 nipples. Thank God women don't. That would make the fashion designer suicide rate go up. Can you imagine having to design clothes for 3 (or more) *****? Where would the third one be? Stomach? Back? Top of head? Ha...picture that bra. Anyway, next we have the head. Now, here we have the biggest difference between cows and women. Have you ever seen a cow's brain? It's huge! Have you ever seen a woman's brain? Didn't think so. Scientists are still searching. Seriously though, there is also the mouth. Constantly moving. In the case of cows, its chewing their cud. In the case of women...it's the next source of natural energy. We could probably power more then a few power plants if we could just learn how to harness the power of females talking. It would be the perfect gift. "Hey Honey, I bought you a portable mouth generator connected to my CD player. That way, when you talk, it powers the batteries to my CD player, so when you talk, I can listen to music instead of listening to you!" It's a win-win situation! She talks, you get your groove on!

Well, that's the physical similarites, now on to behavioral patterns.

First of all, we have herding. They go EVERYWHERE together. When "nature calls," us guys just get up, go do our business and come back. When women hear the call, "Ladies, field trip!" I do not lie when I say that the only time I have ever been in a girl's bathroom, there was a sofa and a chandelier in the waiting room. A waiting room? What the friggin crap do you need a waiting room for? Not to mention the sofa and chandelier! Are you there to pee or have a tea party???
Next we have sleeping habits. When women sleep, they sleep. Ever go cow tipping? If women slept standing up, we'd probably get the same results. Then you'd have guys going "Hey Billy-Bob, wanna head over to the barn ta tip over ole Mrs.Crabapple?" We get made fun of for snoring, but have you ever heard a woman snore? I think that's what thunder is, just an echo from some chick taking a nap. I still remember the night the fire company showed up because they thought our gas line had snapped. Turns out the neighbors just heard my sister snoring.

Next we have....anger issues. You ever **** a cow off? You know for a FACT you don't want to be in the way of that charging at you. Ever see an angry woman? You sit there thinking, "I sure feel sorry for that cashier, and I really don't think that his mis-matching socks are that big a deal, but man, am I glad I'm not him! You can almost see the damage being done to his face by all those sonic blasts!" Why do you think you always hear about the things women are doing to their husbands on the news? He buys her the wrong type of tampon so she castrates him and mails his privates to her mother-in-law! I'll tell you what though, what really scares me are the news articles you DON'T see. You know what that means. No survivors. Male, anyway, because the women are all probably in the bathroom discussing their next "triumph over the male domination" while sitting under their chandeliers and sipping champagne!
And to end, since there are many guys out there who are probably lonely, and woman-less, here's a bit of advice. Since they all behave the same anyway, just head to the bar. After a few beers, they'll all look the same anyway, so hey! Pay a visit to your local farmer, and hook up with his cow, because at least the cow won't take everything you have, and make it out to be your fault!

 

i don't have time to read all this. can someone just give the low down on it? LOL

 

basically it says...kate wants to **** rich bc hes single n shes been waitin for a long time now..lol

 

haha. u aren't even legal yet girlie......
that makes it a nono.... haha. but with pimpdaddy rich who knows. keep those fingers crossed

 

its illegal if u get caught....i cant even count on my hands and toes the the things i should be in trouble for and on a second note....i dont have to keep my fingers crossed...

 

good for you then

 

Are you two fighting over Rich. Your the man Rich.

 

haha. i don't need to fight over rich. i thought you were my P.I.M.P.

 

I thought you liked me more??

 

haha. hence the you being my P.I.M.P. from the previous statement

 

does that mean u think u can easily get him?

 

its means rich is my friend who i am not interested in screwing.
to put it simply at least.

 

before this goes any farther and people get pissed at other people ... you two are only joking around. i practice safe sex = masturbation only. who am i kidding??? i love sex, just like every other male in this world. but the two of you are bickering about bullshit. so let's all stay friends with the knowledge that there is plenty of me to go around. LOL

 

okay dad, i was really only jokin with double e and im sure she was doin the same....or i hope...lol u kno ima jokester so chill out with the peace core talks..

 

haha. i agree. although i'm sure it would be every mans dream to have two (or more, lol) women fighting over him..

 

yeah double e, i think rich was just tryin to look like a pimp

 

or me getting you two fired up about rich's love interests!!!
haha

 

your such a loser <3 haha...... KWF... i just noticed what it says under your picture.... funni stuff there kiddo :YEAH

 

lol i forgot i put that...

 

i'm the looser?? ha