friday funnies 06-04
Thread Starter
dedrater
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 9,815
From: Lewiston, Me
friday funnies 06-04
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that
the bear was gay."
post em up
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that
the bear was gay."
post em up
Thread Starter
dedrater
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 9,815
From: Lewiston, Me
Re: friday funnies 06-04
pansies cant think of a joke ?
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Registered User
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 54
From: lewiston
Re: friday funnies 06-04
Yo Momma's so Stupid
...she tripped over a cordless phone!
...she sold her car for gasoline money!
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
...she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo Momma's so Ugly
...they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
...her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
...even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
...that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
...she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
...she tripped over a cordless phone!
...she sold her car for gasoline money!
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
...she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo Momma's so Ugly
...they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
...her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
...even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
...that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
...she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Registered User
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 54
From: lewiston
Re: friday funnies 06-04
Yo Momma So Fat
...When she wears high heals, she strikes oil.
...When she goes to the ocean the whales start singing "We Are Family."
...When she puts on her X-Files t-shirt, helicopters land on her back.
...She uses a VCR for a beeper.
...She has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
...When she was walking down the street, she saw a school bus go by and yelled "STOP THAT TWINKY!"
...When she wears high heals, she strikes oil.
...When she goes to the ocean the whales start singing "We Are Family."
...When she puts on her X-Files t-shirt, helicopters land on her back.
...She uses a VCR for a beeper.
...She has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
...When she was walking down the street, she saw a school bus go by and yelled "STOP THAT TWINKY!"
I Enjoy Posting At StuntLife!
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,210
From: SpringHill,FL
Re: friday funnies 06-04
Originally Posted by verticaljay
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that
the bear was gay."
post em up
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that
the bear was gay."
post em up
Thread Starter
dedrater
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 9,815
From: Lewiston, Me
Re: friday funnies 06-04
Originally Posted by verticalfrank
bearf*cker do you need my assistance?
say car ramrod, say car ramrod
Come in radio
Dont call me radio unit 91
Dont call me unit 91 radio
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,182
From: verticaloutlaw land....south ME
Re: friday funnies 06-04
Originally Posted by verticaljay
sorry I don't date highway hog
baaaaby Im sizzzzileeeen
baaaaby Im sizzzzileeeen
sorry Bruce, those boys get that syrup in 'em they get all antsy in the pantsy, can't keep them under control.
