A man walks into a bar, absolutely infuriated. He grabs a seat and hunches over. The bartender leans over, sayin "What can I get'ya". The man orders a beer. As the bartender gives him the beer he asks him why he's in such a mood. The man replies saying " Lawers are ******** man." Suddenly, a man in the back stood up. "HEY BUDDY, I TAKE OFFENCE TO THAT!" The man sitting down scowels and says "What are you a lawer?" The man replies "NO, IM AN *******".


post em up

 

How to Beat a Speeding Ticket
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

 

A man is out driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, the cops pull him over. The policeman walks up to the man and asks, “Have you been drinking, sir?”

“Why? Was I weaving all over the road?” the man answered.

“No,” replied the policeman, “you were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away.”

 

Q. why did the chicken cross the border from NH into Maine???




































A. to kick vjay in the butt you just got served

now throw one my way

 

how do you turn a fox into and elephant??
























marry her!

 

what do you call 2 skunks doing 69?

































odor eaters

 

a guy who's looking for his buddy walks into a barbershop and asks,"Bob Peters here?"

"sorry," replies the barber."we just cut hair."

 

A guy in the elevator of a 4 star hotel shouts,"Ballroom please!" The lady standing in front of him turns around and says,"sorry I didnt realize I was crowding you."

 

a 60-year old man is getting his annual physical.
"Doc, do you think i'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?"he asks.
"that depends,"says the doctor.
"Do you smoke?"
"No."
"Do you drink?"
"No."
"Do you fool around with loose women?"
"Of course not."
"Well then,"says the doctor."Why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?"

 

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/sto...p-169888c.html


scroll half way down to the cyndi article

 

Cyndi's airborne critic

Somewhere over Massachusetts is a sparrow who apparently doesn't care for '80s rock.

Cyndi Lauper was reaching for a high note during her opening number at Saturday's KISS-108-sponsored concert in Mansfield, Mass., when from the sky came a white glob of bird poop.

The fecal critique landed in her open mouth.

Showing more aplomb than Tippi Hedren ever displayed in "The Birds," the Brooklyn-born rocker wiped her tongue on her sleeve and kept on rockin'.

The 50-year-old singer did kvetch backstage that a bird once plopped on her head while she was on stage.

"My grandmother says it's good luck, but I think it's disgusting," she moaned.

Maybe birds just want to have fun.




Or cut and paste it like any normal individual would do

 

but jay is a fat lazy guy...caught in a skinny womans body...that has no *****