little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One
day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker
with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to
join your club."

The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker
requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a
motorcycle?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over there", and
points to a Harley in the driveway.

The biker asks, "Do you drink?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep... drink like a fish. I'll drink any
man in your club under the table."

The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep... smoke like a chimney. At least
4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars in the evening,
while I'm shooting pool."

The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you
ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope ... but I've
been swung around by my nipples a few times

 

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MAINE IF...

* You've had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough.

* You diet all week so you can consume 40,000 calories at a fair.

* You eat ice cream with flavors like 'Moose Tracks" and "Maine Black Bear".

* When it snows four inches you call it "a dusting."

* You are surprised to discover there aren't fried clam shacks elsewhere in
the country.

* You know what an Irving is and the location of 15 of them.

* Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May.

* You can drive the Augusta traffic circles without breaking into a cold
sweat.

* You've hung out at a gravel pit.

* You think a mosquito could be a species of bird.

* You once skipped school and went to Bar Harbor, Old Orchard Beach or Reid
State Park.

* Even your school cafeteria made good chowder.

* You know how to pronounce Calais, Machias, Madrid and Vienna.

* You know that The Airline has nothing to do with planes.

* You've made a meal out of a Jordan's red-skinned hot-dog and a bag of
Humpty Dumpty potato chips

* You know that a chocolate doughnut is not a white doughnut with chocolate
frosting.

* You've gone to a bean supper.

* You know the difference between pea, Yellow-eye, and Red Kidney

* You wouldn't eat beans in tomato sauce or Manhattan clam chowder if you
were starving!

* In high school, you (or a friend) packed Deering or Gifford Ice Cream
cones.

* At least once in your life, a seagull pooped on you.

* At least once in your life you've said, "It smells like the mill in here."

* Every summer and fall, there's a fruit and vegetable stand within 10
minutes of your house.

* You call that long sandwich an "Italian."

* Your idea of a traffic jam is being the second car at the stoplight.

* Your house converts to a B&B every July & August for people from away that
you happen to know.

* All year long you're tracking sand in the house-from the beach in the
summer and the roads and sidewalks in the winter.

* You have a front door but no steps to get to it.

* Your kids start using "wicked" as a multipurpose part of speech.

* You start your shopping by looking in Uncle Henry's.

* You have shopped at the Big Chicken Barn.

* You've ditched the car on the side of the road somewhere because you
thought you saw some good fiddleheads!

* You've had a vacation from school just to help the family pick potatoes.

* You know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle.

* You know not to plant tender crops until the last full moon in May.

* You go to the dump and bring back more than you brought.

* You've taken a date to the dump to watch the bears

* You watch "Murder She Wrote" and snicker at the stupid fake accents.

* You've swum in a quarry.

* You take the New Hampshire toll personally.

* You feel really good when you cross the Piscatiqua River Bridge into
Kittery.

* You always wave when you see a Maine license plate in another state.

* You've used a roll of Duct tape and a can of flat black spray paint to get
your car to pass inspection.

* You have to replace your mailbox yearly because of the town plow.

* When you're supposed to dress up, you wear flannel with a tie.

* You know that Moody's Diner does NOT take credit cards!

* When the word "stove" refers to what you did to the right front fender of
your truck going around the Augusta rotaries

* When there's too much "stuff" in your 2 "cah" garage to get either of your
cars into it.

* When you know what fly dope is.

* When you eat supper at night and dinner at noon.

* As a child, you played outside in a snowstorm without hat, mittens, scarf
and with your jacket open because it was just a little cool.

* The area around your back door is referred to as "the dooryard".

* You've got a Moxie in the fridge.