todays joke
Thread Starter
what is he doing?
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 16,155
From: ny
todays joke
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I
set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download
from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither
one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the
delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You got Male
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I
set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download
from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither
one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the
delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You got Male
Regular StuntLifer
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 768
From: Deewhy
Re: todays joke
ETIQUETTE IN GENERAL
1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take
your ute and trailer to the funeral.
DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so
as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by
ataxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private,
using one's OWN ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie
ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your
popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
4. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a
clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded
and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't
always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to
ask her to bring back beer too
1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take
your ute and trailer to the funeral.
DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so
as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by
ataxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private,
using one's OWN ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie
ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your
popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
4. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a
clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded
and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't
always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to
ask her to bring back beer too
HaHa, very funny muthaf*cka!! 
Hard at work on Stuntlife
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,035
From: Hanging out with my winter friends...
Re: todays joke
Originally Posted by Puer
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded
and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't
always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to
ask her to bring back beer too
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded
and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't
always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to
ask her to bring back beer too
For us Yankees could we just replace "roo" with "Deer" ???
Also what is "ute" I'm not up to date on my aussie slang.
Registered User
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 58
From: Hastings, NZ
Re: todays joke
Originally Posted by Puer
ETIQUETTE IN GENERAL
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
And it is never acceptable for a red blooded bloke to wear a thong... jandles will do
www.chicksdigscars.com.au
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,492
From: Sydney, NSW
Re: todays joke
30 Things you didn't know about Chuck Norris.
I couldn't resist this one. C'mon guys, Walker Texas Ranger... Quite possibly the best show ever. He lives in Texas, is a cop, drives a insanely large truck, rocks cowboy boots and whips ***. If that doesn't make you want to stand up and solute ol' glory than you're a terrorist bastard.
So, here are 30 things you didn't know about Chuck Norris.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
3. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
4. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
6. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
7. Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
9. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck 10. Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
11. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
12. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, 13. Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
14. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
15. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
16. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
17. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
18. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
19. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
20. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
21. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
22. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
23. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
24. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
25. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
26. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
27. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
28. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
29. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
30. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
I couldn't resist this one. C'mon guys, Walker Texas Ranger... Quite possibly the best show ever. He lives in Texas, is a cop, drives a insanely large truck, rocks cowboy boots and whips ***. If that doesn't make you want to stand up and solute ol' glory than you're a terrorist bastard.
So, here are 30 things you didn't know about Chuck Norris.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
3. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
4. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
6. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
7. Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
9. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck 10. Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
11. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
12. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, 13. Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
14. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
15. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
16. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
17. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
18. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
19. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
20. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
21. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
22. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
23. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
24. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
25. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
26. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
27. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
28. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
29. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
30. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
What!
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,100
From: Newcastle, Australia
Re: todays joke
Originally Posted by mike_rock
30 Things you didn't know about Uncle.
I couldn't resist this one. C'mon guys,Uncle... Quite possibly the best ever. He lives in Telopa, is a Stuntrider, drives a insanely fast SS ute, rocks Alpinestar boots and whips ***. If that doesn't make you want to stand up and solute C.D.S then you're a terrorist bastard.
So, here are 30 things you didn't know about Uncle.
1. Uncle' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.These tears are known as "Red Bull"
2. When Uncle has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
3. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Uncle can kill him and take it.
4. Uncle once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
5. Uncle doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
6. If you ask Uncle what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
7. Uncle only masterbates to pictures of Uncle.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Uncle instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he got a CBR.
9. Filming on location for C.D.S, Uncle brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged Beer rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Uncle roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Uncle giveth, and the good Uncle, he taketh away.
11. Uncle lost his virginity before his dad did.
12. Uncle sold his soul to the Honda for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,Uncle roundhouse kicked the Honda in the face and took his soul back. The Honda, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
14. Since 1974, the year Uncle was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
15.Uncle girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF UNCLE!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Uncle!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
16.Uncle does not sleep. He waits.
17. Uncle appeared in the "C.D.S II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Uncle replied, "That's no glitch."
18.Uncle built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot,Uncle met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
19.Uncle is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Uncle
20. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Uncle.
21. Uncle was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beer". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Uncle omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
22. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer.Uncle smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
23.Uncle does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
24.Uncle once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child.Uncle roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
25. The chief export of Uncle is pain.
26. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Uncle--more than meets the eye,Uncle --robot in disguise," and starred Uncle as a StuntRider who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
27.Uncle recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Coke.
28. Uncle is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
29. When Uncle plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
30.Uncle has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."
There is no chin behind Uncle' beard. There is only another fist.
When Uncle sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.Uncle has not had to pay taxes ever.
I couldn't resist this one. C'mon guys,Uncle... Quite possibly the best ever. He lives in Telopa, is a Stuntrider, drives a insanely fast SS ute, rocks Alpinestar boots and whips ***. If that doesn't make you want to stand up and solute C.D.S then you're a terrorist bastard.
So, here are 30 things you didn't know about Uncle.
1. Uncle' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.These tears are known as "Red Bull"
2. When Uncle has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
3. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Uncle can kill him and take it.
4. Uncle once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
5. Uncle doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
6. If you ask Uncle what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
7. Uncle only masterbates to pictures of Uncle.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Uncle instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he got a CBR.
9. Filming on location for C.D.S, Uncle brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged Beer rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Uncle roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Uncle giveth, and the good Uncle, he taketh away.
11. Uncle lost his virginity before his dad did.
12. Uncle sold his soul to the Honda for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,Uncle roundhouse kicked the Honda in the face and took his soul back. The Honda, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
14. Since 1974, the year Uncle was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
15.Uncle girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF UNCLE!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Uncle!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
16.Uncle does not sleep. He waits.
17. Uncle appeared in the "C.D.S II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Uncle replied, "That's no glitch."
18.Uncle built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot,Uncle met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
19.Uncle is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Uncle
20. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Uncle.
21. Uncle was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beer". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Uncle omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
22. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer.Uncle smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
23.Uncle does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
24.Uncle once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child.Uncle roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
25. The chief export of Uncle is pain.
26. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Uncle--more than meets the eye,Uncle --robot in disguise," and starred Uncle as a StuntRider who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
27.Uncle recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Coke.
28. Uncle is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
29. When Uncle plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
30.Uncle has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."
There is no chin behind Uncle' beard. There is only another fist.
When Uncle sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.Uncle has not had to pay taxes ever.
thanx mate 
