Funny email I got
Thread Starter
I Enjoy Posting At StuntLife!
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 2,520
From: Australia.. G'day
Funny email I got
THIS IS THE CODE...
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you're gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather
you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time
doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming ***. A cat is like a dog,
but Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get
your *** over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for GAY.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-dummies, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a *******. A straight man only sucks
bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or *******. Anything else and you are in training to suck El-****o
and undeniably a ***.
4. If you refuse to have a ****. in a public toilet or **** in a
parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick,
wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A *****-eating man will never be heard
ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know
what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your
mouth, you've had a **** in there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types
of dessert, you might as well be handing out a free pass to your ****. A
real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of
that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the AFL, Super 12
Rugby, NRL, Cricket, PGA, NBL, and Supercar series. If you can pick
out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is, you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you're
hungry for man sausage. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow-**** Volvo drivers or to cut the mother****er off. The rest of
the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his
hamburger, hold his beer, finger the beotch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's a wog, talk on his mobile phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is
with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to **** when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules and beware. Or keep that **** to yourself, you flamming ******!
9. If your name is Michael then stop living in denial. You're a dung punching **** bandit from way back and everyone knows it.
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you're gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather
you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time
doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming ***. A cat is like a dog,
but Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get
your *** over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for GAY.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-dummies, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a *******. A straight man only sucks
bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or *******. Anything else and you are in training to suck El-****o
and undeniably a ***.
4. If you refuse to have a ****. in a public toilet or **** in a
parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick,
wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A *****-eating man will never be heard
ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know
what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your
mouth, you've had a **** in there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types
of dessert, you might as well be handing out a free pass to your ****. A
real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of
that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the AFL, Super 12
Rugby, NRL, Cricket, PGA, NBL, and Supercar series. If you can pick
out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is, you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you're
hungry for man sausage. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow-**** Volvo drivers or to cut the mother****er off. The rest of
the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his
hamburger, hold his beer, finger the beotch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's a wog, talk on his mobile phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is
with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to **** when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules and beware. Or keep that **** to yourself, you flamming ******!
9. If your name is Michael then stop living in denial. You're a dung punching **** bandit from way back and everyone knows it.
Thread Starter
I Enjoy Posting At StuntLife!
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 2,520
From: Australia.. G'day
Re: Funny email I got
And another
PAPER SCISSORS ROCK
"I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no f*ing way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" rock, rendering it immobile?
Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why-- BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY! A rock would tear that sh*t up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh sh * t, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, a - hole."
PAPER SCISSORS ROCK
"I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no f*ing way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" rock, rendering it immobile?
Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why-- BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY! A rock would tear that sh*t up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh sh * t, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, a - hole."
www.chicksdigscars.com.au
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,492
From: Sydney, NSW
Re: Funny email I got
Here's another:
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably
spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever
he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is
obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you,
too.
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably
spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever
he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is
obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you,
too.
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,434
From: Apple Isle
Re: Funny email I got
Originally Posted by mike_rock
Here's another:
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably
spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever
he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is
obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you,
too.
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably
spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever
he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is
obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you,
too.
OWNED
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,434
From: Apple Isle
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,850
From: Ypsilanti, MI
Re: Funny email I got
Originally Posted by Boxer
And another
PAPER SCISSORS ROCK
"I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no f*ing way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" rock, rendering it immobile?
Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why-- BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY! A rock would tear that sh*t up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh sh * t, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, a - hole."
PAPER SCISSORS ROCK
"I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no f*ing way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" rock, rendering it immobile?
Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why-- BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY! A rock would tear that sh*t up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh sh * t, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, a - hole."
so true always wondered about that myself!!
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,434
From: Apple Isle
Re: Funny email I got
www.chicksdigscars.com.au
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,492
From: Sydney, NSW
www.chicksdigscars.com.au
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,492
From: Sydney, NSW
www.chicksdigscars.com.au
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,492
From: Sydney, NSW
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