A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his ****!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It ******* hurts doesn't it!



Does anyone else have one?

 

Preferably without a dick up someones ***,ouch jk lol

 

A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to
put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the
mailboxes wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had
nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to
my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts;
they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day!
My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin -- no blemishes anywhere!
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone
coming? That was me."

 

haha

laterz,
brian

 

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is
>stumbling
> > > > back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I
>help
> > you
> > > sir?"
> > > > "Yessh! Ssssombody stole my car" the man replies.
> > > > The cop asks - "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
> > > > "It wasss on the end of thiss key" the man replies.
> > > > About that time the cop looks down and sees
> > > > the man's weiner is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
>He
> > > asks the
> > > > man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
> > > > Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and,
>without
> > > > missing a beat, blurts out
> > > > "SON OF A BITCH ----- THEY GOT MY GIRLFRIEND, TOO

 

WHATS THIS NOISE? CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP BANG!!! CLIP CLOP- THATS AN OMISH DRIVE BY SHOOTING

 

A man with a speech impedement got a shopping list from his wife. The first store he stopped at was a candy store. he asks the store clerk "may i have some b-bum?" the store clerk said "excuse me??" the man points to the bubble gum. "oh you mean 'Gum'." the man nods his head and pays the store clerk, while the store clerk gives him the gum. the next place he goes to is a hardware store. he asks the store clerk "may i have a f-fucket?" "Excuse me??" the store clerk says. the man points to the bucket. "oh you mean 'bucket'." says the store clerk. and the man pays for the bucket. the last store the man goes to is a pet store. He asks the clerk, "may i have a cocknspankit?" Excuse me??" the clerk asks. the man points to the cocker-spaniel. "oh you mean 'cocker-spaniel'." the man nods and pays for the dog. with the dog on the leash in one hand, and the gum in the bucket in the other, the dog takes off, after a bird on the sidewalk, leaving the man. The man turns to a younger man and says "will you hold my bum and fucket, while i grab my cocknspankit?"
LOL LOL LOL

 

jen....you are twisted. lol
70 year old George went for his annual physical. All
of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith
said "George, everything looks great physically. How
are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at
peace with yourself, and do you have a good
relationship with God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I
have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I
get up in the middle of the night to go to the
bathroom, (poof) the light goes on , when I am done
(poof) the light goes off."
"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"
A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called
George's wife.
"Ethyl," he said, "George is doing fine. Physically
he is great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of
his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets
up during the night and (poof) the light goes on in
the bathroom, and then when he is through (poof) the
light goes off?"
Ethyl exclaimed, " Oh my goodness! He's peeing in the
refrigerator again!"