Help Me Get Revenge!

[Chosen One]

Ok, need everyones input and help on this one. I have this mean ass old lady, crabby, fat, nasty, saggy tittied bitch for a boss. The kinda lady that is NEVER wrong, and every day finds something wrong to tell you about yourself, or your job. The type of boss that treats you like a red head'd step child, that just kicks you when your down. that always trys to pick a fight with you and send you home. JUST A DUCHEBAG! How can i get back at her? no car shit, no bomb her house and no computer/desk shit, cuz im never really alone when at work. she works up in office, i work outback. Give me some good, deep down dirty shit i can do/use. Thanks...he he

[ChrisNoF4i]

Fish-eye.donkeypunch.STD

[RSixxer01]

what do you do for work?

[Zuki750]

Originally Posted by Chosen One

Ok, need everyones input and help on this one. I have this mean ass old lady, crabby, fat, nasty, saggy tittied bitch for a boss. The kinda lady that is NEVER wrong, and every day finds something wrong to tell you about yourself, or your job. The type of boss that treats you like a red head'd step child, that just kicks you when your down. that always trys to pick a fight with you and send you home. JUST A DUCHEBAG! How can i get back at her? no car shit, no bomb her house and no computer/desk shit, cuz im never really alone when at work. she works up in office, i work outback. Give me some good, deep down dirty shit i can do/use. Thanks...he he

Sign her up for a bunch of shit online and by mail that has to do with gay shit, fetish, etc. have it go to her at work or her work email.

There must be a way for you to hide frozen shrimp in her office somewhere. A few days go by and that shit will really stink.

[paul600f3]

accuse her of sexual harrassment, say she tried to make you her bitch

[Jay6]

Put her car in a free for the taking add and use her work # as the contact. It will be ringing off the hook for weeks

[Joker]

Originally Posted by paul600f3

accuse her of sexual harrassment, say she tried to make you her bitch

Then tell them it worked.

[od1nixer]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: SPOOGESICKLE!

or the nympho personal ad is good, too

[roxy]

Originally Posted by Zuki750

Sign her up for a bunch of shit online and by mail that has to do with gay shit, fetish, etc. have it go to her at work or her work email.

I have to say… this is a good one and the only fix is to change her email address.
Someone did this to my boss, over time as his e-mail address was traded from one porn / spam distributor to another, he eventually received so much junk / porn / viagra adds that his outlook would lock up every time he opened the program. End result I had to go & delete it everyday, it was extremely disturbing. Don’t get me wrong I like porn, but this was overwhelming. The most upsetting to me was the photos of the “minors” with cum on their faces…
Sign her up for personals, drug adds, porn sites, college girls ect.

You never know she might find what she is looking for I quit giving you a hard time. Sign her up for some bondage crap.

[phool2]

Originally Posted by Jay6

Put her car in a free for the taking add and use her work # as the contact. It will be ringing off the hook for weeks

I tell you , this is a great one!

[Angel Of Death]

ever seen "Changing Lanes"? where Ben Afleck pays some computer nerd to bankrupt Sam Jackson? That would totally rule if you could pull it off!

or you could make annonymous phone calls (payphone) to the Dept. Social Services and tell them that you are her neighbor and suspect her of child pornographing and indecent exposure to children. Then call up DEA and tell them you suspect her of running a coke ring out of her basement. Then plant weed in her ashtray and call the cops "cuz she has weed in her car in plain view" but make sure its enough to constitute dealing. i could go on and on PM me for more cuz my wrists hurt from typing (and beating off)

[Angel Of Death]

The Avenger's Handbook
Pål D. Ekran
October 11, 1999


``Oh people, know that you have committed great sins. If you ask me what proof I have for these words, I say it is because I am the punishment of God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.''
-- Genghis Kahn, Bukhara 1220

Copyright and information
The Avenger's Handbook
Copyright ©1993-99 Pål D. Ekran
Published by Ekran Design 1999
Ekran Design - http://www.ekran.no/
ISBN 82-995215-0-5
Distribution terms
You may copy and distribute verbatim copies of this text as you receive it, in any medium, provided that you conspicuously and appropriately publish it completely and without any modifications either in content or format, including the introduction and this copyright notice. Thus follows that you bring forward these same, limited rights as you are hereby granted, to any further recipients of this document.
You may charge a nominal fee for the physical act of transferring a copy of this document, however this fee must not extend beyond the cost of the physical medium and transportation of it. You may not charge anything for wired or aired transmissions of this text.
Disclaimer
The author assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of the ideas described. The author specifically disclaims any personal liability, loss or risk incurred as a consequence of the use, either directly or indirectly, of any information presented herein. As this book is made freely available it comes with absolutely no warranty, in particular regarding the authenticity or accuracy of any action described herein.
Some of the schemes described in this book are illegal to perform, and most of them will make your target suffer in one way or another. You should consider this text as a source of amusement, not as a manual of how to create havoc and get yourself into trouble.
About this book
This entire book was written using the vim editor. In the beginning the hardware consisted of an Amiga 600, and at the end, a IBM Thinkpad 600 running Redhat Linux.
The book's final layout and typesetting was done with LATEX2e.


Contents
• Copyright and information
• Contents
• Introduction
o Safety and planning
 A few tings to always keep in mind
• Long distance revenge
o Danger of detection
 Telephone precautions
o The mail system
 The power of empty messages
 Unpaid post
 Forged letters
 Junk mail
o The telephone
 Precautions ad teidium
 Basics
 Phone terrorism
 Making ``appointments''
 Pagers
 Fax machines
 Handling telemarketing and pranksters
 Handling pranksters
o The Internet
 Regarding logging
 Basics
 Internet revenge ideas
 Dealing with Internet harassment
 Spammers
• Destructive payback
o The car
 Paint jobs
 At the windshield
 Tire havoc
 Under the hood
 The gas tank
 Other car action
o The garden
 The lawn
 The garage
 The mailbox
 Walls, fountains and bugs
 Protecting your garden
o The residence
 Dorms and similar places
 Doors in general
 Telly terrorism
 Loud music
 The bathroom
 The bedroom
 The kitchen
• The work place
o Introduction
o Friends and foes
 The friendly
 The hostile
o At the office
o Grocery stores
o The computer
 Messing with software
 Messing with hardware
• The institutional
o The government
 The police
 Got a parking ticket?
 Politicians
 Hospitals
 Military
 Tax collectors are your friends
o The company
 The bank
 The good cause
 Restaurants
 Laundries
 Doctors and dentists
o The school
 Teachers
 Fellow students
 The school building
• Miscellaneous
o Sticky stuff
 Glue
 Insulation
o The annoying and irritating
 Annoying roommates
o Embarrassment
o Things that go boom!
o Wreaking weddings
• Epilogue
• Acknowledgements
• Index


Introduction
``The mark is anyone who has done something unpleasant, foul, unforgivable, or fatal to you, your family, your property or your friends. Never think of a mark as a victim of dirty tricks. Think of the mark as a very deserving target of revenge.''
-- George Hayduke, Make'em Pay!
It is difficult to sit down after working on a project for 6 years, and write an introduction to its final state. If there is still any doubt, this is the final release of the Avenger's Handbook. You may stop sending me all ideas on how to get even with someone, they will not be included in any future release.
It all started in the late young days of the Internet, around september 1993 and just a few ``hours'' before that horrible moment when someone came up with the tragic idea that everyone should have access to the net. It was fall and I had just attended my first class at the University of Tromsø, in Norway. It was also just weeks after I had been introduced to alt.flame, talk.bizzarre and alt.shenanigans. In an instant (actually it took three new-group messages) the newsgroup alt.revenge had been created and started to bring messages to the feed. Thanks to Jens Stark, the creator of alt.revenge.
After being one of the active participants in the group for a while, I took it upon myself the task of collecting all of the best ideas into a text file. This text file became the Avenger's Handbook, and it has been available on the net since 1994. With the web came the Avenger's FrontPage, which has acted as a front end for the Avenger's Handbook and various other texts following the same topic.
In 1997 the Avenger's FrontPage was one of the most successful revenge pages on the net, and during this time I started to plan a complete rewrite of the Avenger's Handbook. Throughout a week with seven sleepless nights (and sleep full days) I managed to crank down about 90KB of raw text, using material from the old Avenger's Handbook. I spent most of the time selecting from the old text and removing the ideas that weren't suitable. Much rewriting was required to make the new text look more like a real book, even if I sometimes wrote a few words, it never lead to any real progress.
Then in 1999 I reopened my file and started to work on the text again. Through May, June and July I sent the text to some voluntary proofreaders who did great improvements on it. Afterwards I finalized the layout and released it.
The frequent reader of the Avenger's FrontPage will find that most of the material in this book are taken from the Avenger's Handbook, from the Alt.revenge FAQ and from my own experience in alt.revenge. I have tried to make this document different from the old Avenger's Handbook, and I have tried to keep it short and interesting enough to make a good online book suitable for anyone to read. I'll let you be the judge of whether I succeeded or not.
Safety and planning
``Our sense of revenge is as exact as our mathematical faculty, and until both terms of the equations are satisfied we can not get over the sense of something left undone.''
-- Inazo Nitobe, Bushido
The typical lifecycle of a revenge scheme often starts with someone, a person or a member of an organization, doing something wrong to you, or someone close to you. At that moment you, the victim, would most likely be in a state of anger, hate or sadness. At least you should be in a state where you wish to get even at the one, or the ones, who wronged you. The worst thing that could happen at this moment is that you sharpen your swords of vengeance and go on right at it.
Revenge done in haste is such a waste, and the Sicilians did really know what they were talking about when they were saying, ``Revenge is a dish best served cold.'' It is time to sit back, heal your wounds and start plotting your payback. This could take months, and even years, depending on how severe the offense was and how severe the payback should be.
It wouldn't surprise me if 50% of the avengers who get caught are people who start their mission of vengeance at a time that is too close to the crime. I would also guess that 40% of the ones who get caught, did not act out of a plan. Or they planned it badly without thought or skill. There rest 10% are the ones who simply get unlucky, where the unknown plays a factor that is not calculable.
The life-span of a general revenge scheme should therefore start with the offense, continue with a great deal of patience, evolve through thorough planning and reconnaissance, reconsidered, and if necessarily some more patience, until you one day deploy your plan. After that you have hopefully gotten your vengeance, then everything related to this should be buried and forgotten. You might also decide to forget it, that it's not worth the effort or risk.
One different way of handling this is to make a list of all your marks. This list could be something as direct as a little database with names, addresses, their crime and any other relevant and irrelevant pieces of information. Every now and then you get your list, fill in some gaps and delete obsolete data. When the right time comes you seem to strike out of nowhere, and before the mark knows what hit him, you are gone again. An advantage of this approach is that you can play several marks against each other, and you could sit on your list for years, making your marks less suspicious and unaware.
There might also be times when you really want your mark to know who you are. This would be in situations where you're participating in a direct revenge, or prank-war. This is a situation where nobody wins and should be avoided. Still, if you entangle yourself into this kind of situation, make sure that your mark can't document any threats or actions done by you, as these cases tend to end up in a courthouse. Electronic evidence and plans should be carefully encrypted, or it might get used against you. Also be aware of the fact that these types of wars have the tendency of escalating to a point where things really get out of hand. The best way is the safe way, without much chance of retaliation and detection. Patience, persistence, planning and then finally the realization.
After the patience comes planning, and with planning comes surveillance. Every fact and every detail about your mark should be gathered and organized. The more you know about your mark, the better. This involves information about his home and work address, telephone number, email address, habits, bank accounts, his social security number, wife, lovers, children, his fear, what he likes, dislikes, car license plate, daily and weekly routines, hobbies, religion, etc.
When all the pieces are gathered, you'll have a concept of who your mark is, and you may determine which way to get back at him would be the most efficient. This is where your plan forms and it should include all the ``what, when and how's'' that you can come up with. The plan should also have contingency plans that describe how to act if you're exposed, and how to act if your mark or the authorities confronts you later with your deeds.
Still, no-matter how well you have planned and executed your revenge scheme, there's always the chance that you'll end up among the 10% unlucky ones. One net.friend of mine once said, ``Be prepared to do the time for the crime,'' and indeed, if you can't afford getting caught, then you shouldn't do anything at all. All around the world there are people in prison, people who thought they would never get caught, some of which are very smart.
A few tings to always keep in mind
Here are a few things to always keep in mind:
Never use your own telephone. Why? Because your target can then track you with ease. It really only takes a caller-id and an increasing number of people are getting it. Also, the telephone companies could be logging all the calls that we make. Use a phone-booth away from your vicinity and the path where you usually travel.
Never drive to your mark's house with your own car. People you know might see it, and later when your mark asks questions, it may surface again.
Never work with your bare hands uncovered. Even if you have never been fingerprinted in the past, such as for a military service, there is no guarantee that this luxury will continue. Wear gloves instead, but don't throw them away at the crime scene or you may be forced to try them out in a courtroom.
Never let anyone see you. This might sound obvious, but wearing black clothes at night might be a good idea. Just don't stand out too much from your surroundings. Sometimes dressing casual might be better than dressing dark, and camouflage gear is definitely out of the question.
Never talk to anyone about what you have done. If someone confronts you with the issue, act ignorant. This is where many people fail and get caught. They have a trusted friend, who has a trusted friend, who has a trusted friend, etc.
Never steal anything, unless you plan to throw it into a river before you get home. It would be real hard to explain if someone found an object belonging to your mark at your place after he has had a break in.
Never use your own handwriting or your own printer. Even if you try to forge the handwriting it is possible that they might trace it back to you. A printer or a typewriter will also have its own characteristics, often there is a character with certain distinction due to wear and tear. The best thing is to use one at a university, a school or one that is otherwise publicly accessible.
Never use saliva on stamps and envelopes. DNA analysis is now a fact of life. People have been convicted because they did this. Water from the spring will do just fine.
Never involve an accomplice, unless it is absolutely necessary. The fewer who know about your work, the better it is. Even if that other person is someone you trust with your life, it still increases the risk when more people know about it.
Never threaten your mark. If you threaten your mark then he knows you'll be up to something. He'll also know where to start looking when something has happened and what names to fill under suspicious persons in the entry box of a police report.
Never mail a letter from or near your home city/town, workplace, etc. Use a re-mailer-service instead, or a trusted friend from out of town.
Never buy supplies from a local dealer, and never use your credit card or check in the purchase. These are obvious, but unfortunately easy to forget when you don't plan things thoroughly.
Never leave written documentation, like name, address, etc. at a place where it may be found. If you are storing such information on your computer, then make sure to encrypt it first.

These precautions might seem a bit paranoid, but I bet that about 90% of everyone who ever get caught didn't pay enough attention to planning or one of the precautions above. Some of the tactics in this book might break some of the rules above, but then again you are allowed to use your own head to evaluate the risk. After all, you are the one who will pay the penalty for failure.

Long distance revenge
``If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me.''
-- Deuteronomy, Ch.32, V.41
When your mark doesn't live in your vicinity, there are two channels for you to use. The first is the old classical postal system. The other is any electronic wire, like a telephone or a computer network.
Danger of detection
The danger of being detected while using one of these channels increases with how advanced the technology is. This basically means that the old postal system is the safest and easiest to use, and that everything that is being done on a computer network, like the Internet, is being log-filed; and unless you're a wizard, you're most likely to be detected, tracked and caught.
Telephone precautions
Using the telephone might seem like a safe channel, as you could be sitting on the other side of the planet, plotting, preparing and executing your revenge. Do not be fooled by this distance as it takes no more than a caller-id to give away your identity. The first rule of long distance telephone revenge is therefore to use a pay phone which isn't located too close to where you live, work or travel.
You should never call the mark directly, at least if he was a close friend or someone you have seen or talked too often. Changing your voice with a piece of cloth, a voice-scrambler or any machine-manipulation helps little the conversation might be recorded and it is often possible to reverse that manipulation. The only good solution to this is to involve a third party, preferably a secondary mark who you can call, posing as the primary mark. You might also use a trusted friend to make the call to your mark.
The mail system
One of the most classic, non-creative, ways of getting even through the mail system is by using those rip-out order forms found in commercial catalogues and magazines. Pull out the card and ask for information, order a product or subscribe to the magazine.
All you need to know is the mark's name and address and within a few minutes of work you'll be able to help him receive tons of annoying paper. You could also use this method to help him buy ``bill me later'' goods. This isn't considered revenge art but still one scheme that has worked for thousands over the years.
The power of empty messages
A different approach, one which has a psychological touch, is to send your mark empty envelopes. Make them arrive from different locations with different handwriting over a period of, say, 2-35 years.
There are many variations to this tactic. You could, for instance, send the envelope opened, indicating that someone is stealing his mail. You could include a single piece of paper with words like ``DEATH!'', ``LIAR!'', ``THIEF!'' or whatever seems appropriate. The idea here is not to threaten the mark directly, but to remind him of what he is. Just don't write anything that might expose you as the originator of the messages.
Annoying non-smokers. One thing that you can do if you are sending a letter to someone who isn't a smoker, is to include cigarette ashes in the envelope. This fuels the fire caused by any rude or annoying letter.
Unpaid post
Each country and state has different routines when it comes to handling unpaid post. In Norway, for instance, it is quite possible to send unpaid mail, and if that happens, the post office sends the bill to the recipient. This can easily be exploited. Get some pre-printed labels of your mark's name and address, then put them on to a random number of envelopes and post them over a random period of time.
You may want to check this scheme on yourself to see if it works. It is vital that you don't put too many envelopes into the first mailbox, because that will just trigger the post-office's suspicion.
One nice variation, if you have a secondary mark, is to put the primary mark as the sender and then the secondary mark as the recipient on the envelope, or vice versa. If you hate the whole town that you live in, find a telephone dictionary and make every citizen the recipient, i.e. one on each envelope, and then the primary mark the sender of all the envelopes.
Forged letters
Forging letters in other people's name is illegal, but as long as you never get caught, is there really anything to worry about?
Now for some examples using forged marks names.
Send a letter to your nation's custom department, asking for a permit to import narcotics. You ought to write this out with information saying that you have been a drug addict for a long time, and that you can't afford buying it on the street anymore. Write that it is for personal use only. It would even be better if your mark really is a drug abuser.
Send a letter to the local church, where you ask about the Christian view on sex with children. Tell them that you've read the bible, but that you couldn't find anything there stating that it is wrong. Also state that you're trying to quit, but that the temptations are hard to handle.
Send a letter to his landlord, saying that you'll be moving shortly. Give the landlord a specific date, and tell him that he'll be on vacation until the days before the move. If you're lucky, the landlord might start looking for new tenants without even confronting your mark. This is also a great scheme if the landlord is a secondary mark.
Browse the job market, and apply for positions in your mark's name. Give his new employer all sorts of peculiar, suspicious or incredible references, as if he has been working in your country's leading positions and attending at the best Universities. The object here is to have the employer go checking those references, as if these references don't add up, then there most certainly could be legal problems for your mark.
Apply for membership in certain groups, such as KKK, Jehovah's Witnesses, NAMBLA (North American Men and Boy Love Association), or anything controversial. Or subscribe them to annoying book clubs like the Reader's Digest. Find something the mark really hates or fears and sign him up there.
Apply for credit cards, etc. You will probably need your mark's social security number to do this. You will not be able to use them, it's just that it will really make him wonder when he hasn't applied for the credit cards and they start arriving in the mail. It might even make him think that someone is working a scheme to abuse them, but that it is somehow failing.
Get an address change form, found at the post office. Make his new address somewhere isolated, or have it forwarded to any known criminal.
Write a letter to the reader's section of his local newspaper, or the university newspaper. You'll have to customize the letter to fit the crime, but you could do anything from complaining about his boss/company to write something that would be considered inappropriate with his friends.
Sending letters to your mark from a secondary mark might also work nicely. A computer and a scanner are all you need to copy off and make fake letterheads. The original letterhead can often be retrieved by sending the secondary mark a simple inquiry about something trivial, and then scan the letter head from the reply note. Use a work or campus computer to print out the letter.
Write a letter from your mark's bank to your mark, saying that his whole loan is due and that he has to pay it back immediately, or they will go to court. You ought to come up with some clever reason, for instance that another company has bought the bank, and that they're now in the process of closing the business. Date the letter a few weeks back before sending it, and time it to arrive on a Saturday.
Write a letter from the local hospital, asking your mark to come in for a checkup. Explain that a client with AIDS has named him as a past sexual partner. Name a doctor at the hospital, which should be a secondary mark, and tell your main mark that he should just come over as soon as possible.
Send him a letter from magazines like Playboy or Playgirl, thanking him for the photographs he sent them to the reader's Husbands/Wives section. This is a good scheme to play out on an ex, where you also could send the letter from a magazine that's not easy to find in your area.
Send a letter from his teacher to his parents, describing him as a hopeless problem child. This could be implemented nicely if the teacher is a secondary mark, where you would write that you, the teacher, would like their boy to be at school after school-time, because you feel that you are so close to him, and that you feel that you can communicate really well with him. The teacher would be sounding like a really strange one, and the kid would be left with councilors.
Write a letter from the local tax collector, where you question his ability to buy a new cabin cruiser with as little as he earns. Demand that he explain this, and why the same cabin cruiser isn't on his tax report. Write that there most likely will be an investigation, and ask him to come over to the office at a specific date.
Write a letter from the local TV station, telling your mark that he has won a $12,000 car. Tell him to meet at the TV station at a specific time, like a late Saturday evening, for an interview.
Junk mail
Junk mail can be pretty annoying. It's a good thing that there's plenty of stuff to do with the reply-envelope, though. Just remember to remove any references like your name, address and customer identification before you do anything. Abuse of business reply envelopes is a violation of postal service regulations in some countries.
Junk mail and glue. Glue some pieces of paper together. Put them into the reply-envelope and glue the entire envelope together. This sounds pretty harmless, but imagine the poor fellow trying to pull that sucker open without tearing it.
Cross-mail your junk mail. Just take company A's order-form and swap it with company B's junk mail. This makes great fun when you swap the porn catalogue with the local church's request for donations.
Junk mail as bug-transportation. You can send cockroaches and other bugs back to the junk mailer.
Just put sugar in the reply-envelope and glue it real well so the recipient'll lose his patience and rip it open.
Handling junk mail
Personally, when the junk mail has my address on it, I usually just use their postage pre-paid envelopes and write a ``nice'' statement, saying that I don't care much for their business. Norwegian law clearly states that if a customer wishes to be taken off of a mailing list, they can simply by asking to be removed from the database. This is not really revenge, but still a good solution as I get almost no addressed junk mail. I don't get much unaddressed junk mail either, the reason for this is that one can reserve oneself from getting it. All you need to do is to put a sticker on your mailbox.
Mail revenge warning
Before we move on to the telephone section, I must urge you to please keep in mind that most of the mail scenarios are illegal in several countries. In fact, they're a federal offense in some cases, punishable by stiff fines and jail sentences. If you choose to do it anyway, use a mailbox located far away from your house, perhaps in a neighboring city or town that has a different post office and stamp. The larger the city or town, and the further from your own residence, the better. Also keep in mind not to use your own saliva to lick the stamps, and not to get fingerprints on letters or envelopes. Conceal your handwriting as well. Read the precautions section carefully before commencing revenge by mail.

The telephone
There are certainly several critical aspects about using the telephone in revenge schemes. I have already mentioned these in the previous safety section, but since I feel these are important issues, I'll keep nagging about them, like I did in the last paragraph in the previous chapter.
Precautions ad teidium
First issue is to never forget that there are many people who have caller-id on their telephone, that there's always a risk of being recognized by the person on the other side, and that he could be recording your conversation. If you're calling from a pay phone using a slightly different accent than the one you use everyday, talking through a device that changes your voice and use gloves or a cover when touching the pay phone, then you should be fairly safe. That is, unless someone sees you use the pay phone at that specific moment, using all that gear, causing them to wonder what lunatic is on the phone. When the mark knows your voice, it would be safer to have a trusted friend lend you his voice, or involve a secondary mark who doesn't know your voice.
Basics
The most basic way of getting even by using the phone system is to call a business and pretend you're the mark, then order something from them. This could be a pizza restaurant, any magazine (subscription), hotel (order rooms), travel agency (order tickets) or someone who could be delivering gravel at your mark's house, preferably when your mark is on a vacation. The downside about these tactics is that you'll be involving a third party, and since your mark could just deny ordering a pizza, the loss would be on the shoulders of that innocent person or company and not your mark. Still, if you have any secondary marks, like if you were wronged by a travel agency, this kind of tactic could be appropriate. There are variations of this tactic that might be more effective.
Stopping supplies
You could call the company that supplies gas or electricity to your mark and tell them to shutdown the gas/electricity supply. The best time to do this is at a Friday morning or noon. When your mark returns from work that evening he'll be greeted with a house without electric power, and the best part is that he won't have any until the electric-workers return to work after the weekend.
To complete this last one, call the phone company and have his phone shutdown, tell them he is moving. Also call his ISP (Internet Service Provider) and tell them that you won't need their services anymore.
Cancel all his magazine/newspaper subscriptions and then call his credit card issuer and tell them that his card was stolen, impersonating him. You may get questions about birth date, address and such, so be prepared before you make the call.
Phone terrorism
The next level of payback by using the phone is much similar to the old telephone harassment. There are still ways to exert this in a creative way without becoming as boring as the call-your-mark-and-hang-up schemes. One way of doing this is to simply call your mark. Let it ring once or twice and then hang up. Do this randomly, day or night for increased effect. When the mark is asleep he'll wake up just long enough to not get a stable good nights sleep. At days he might even get annoyed enough to call the phone company, thinking that something is wrong with his phone.
A different approach is to call your mark in the middle of night, about 5AM and pretend to be a hyperactive telemarketer who is selling encyclopedias. Pretend that you're calling from a different time zone, and if he confronts you with the time in his zone then just carry on with the sale. If he wants the number to your boss, either give him the number to a secondary mark or the number to a police chief in the appropriate time zone. This works great when your mark is a salesman who has somehow wronged you.
Wakeup calls
Wakeup calls are often used by pranksters, but they also make good use in light revenge schemes. The problem is just how to make the order call as some of the services require that you call from the some phone you want a wakeup at. At present, in the US, you can go to a web-page, www.mrwakeup.com and order a wakeup call. This web-page may be down when you read this, but there are always other alternatives. The same goes for fax-back services found at www.intellifax.com and I am sure various other web-pages. Just remember that the services provided may log your IP and track the request back to you, more of this in section 2.4.
Collect calls
Another way of dealing with real long distance revenge is to call your mark collect, pretending to be his father. Give the operator his father's name and when you're connected, cough and grumble or just try to not expose who you are until some time has passed. This one is a bit tricky, but it might have the double effect that it hurts the mark's phone-bill in addition to making him worry about whether his father is alright or not.
Obscure calls
It's also really fun to just call your mark in the middle of the night, pretending that it is he who is calling you. Act confused, act tired, act annoyed and cranky. Threaten to report him to the police and finally slam the phone down. Spontaneity is a key factor here.
Making ``appointments''
In situations where you have a trusted friend at your side, the number of plays increases, especially if your friend is of the opposite sex from your mark, and that friend has a good imagination and great skills in acting.
A date?
One thing a friend could help you do is call your mark, tell him that she had seen him somewhere and that she (or he) would like to date him. Of course your friend would never meet at the date, but if you manage to play the mark, then he will.
Implied adultery
When the mark lives with a spouse or a girlfriend you, or your trusted accomplice, could call her up when you know he won't be there. When the spouse picks up the phone, present yourself. When she has given her name, you proceed by telling her that you're his (the mark's) girlfriend/fiancée and that she must be his sister. Continue without letting her interrupt by saying that the mark is such a good guy who takes care of her. Act surprised when she tells you who she is. Explain that it must be a misunderstanding, that you've dated him for quite some time.
This requires that you have some time and locations where you were supposed to be together with him, and that you'll have to survey him a bit in advance. Also be ready to answer tricky questions, such as personal questions about the mark. Just don't give his new love your real name.
The idea is to make your mark's spouse suspect that something is going on between you and your mark. To increase the paranoia that this scheme could cause, start calling them at random times, and just hang-up the phone if it is answered.
Variations
You could also pose as the mark's former gay lover, actually there are a lot of ways to do this since these tactics works in both directions. It all depends a bit on how much you know the person you're supposed to be with, and how well your mark knows you or your friend's voice.
Pagers
Pagers are also fun to play with. Just page your mark and leave another pager number. Leave his own telephone number or leave the phone number of his boss, a local drug dealer, the local police chief or some 800-number phone sex line. Page secondary marks and have them call your primary mark and vice versa.
Fax machines
There are also things that you can do with a fax machine. Just remember most fax machines print their telephone numbers on the top page of the page they're sending. I advise to you check on this first, unless you're in a situation where you want the mark to know who are sending him the garbage, or you are borrowing the fax at an office where they don't know you.
Infinite faxes
One known way to exploit faxes is to make an eternal loop by gluing the end of the fax paper to the start of it. Call the mark's company and let the fax run for a whole weekend. You can also create a single piece of paper with the text
System Error 1207: Internal controller failure
then make another paper with the text
disconnect the machine and contact qualified repair personnel
Send both pages, or loop them, on a late Friday afternoon and hope that they'll go for it.
Big companies
When your mark works at a big company then it is likely that someone will read or at least have a look at the fax for sorting purposes. Send your mark a page with a big heart from his lover of the opposite of his sexual preference.
Black magic
An old fax trick is to loop completely black pages to your mark's fax. This trick is particularly nasty to play on old thermal-paper faxes, which might even be ruined by the heat caused by only printing black. Other faxes will spit out paper and ink worth dollars.
Handling telemarketing and pranksters
I think that I'll spend the last parts of this telephone revenge chapter by giving you a few ideas about what to do with telemarketers and other phone pranksters. Now, since I don't know which country you will be reading this book in, I would have no clue about what legal aspects of this that you should be careful about. Just remember that the telemarketer will know who you are when they call.
Shocking the telemarketer
One way of behaving is by giving the telemarketer the impression that he has dialed some S&M freak. When you hear that it is a telemarketer on the other side of the line, go ahead by yelling, ``Get back into the cage ya bitch!'' as if you were in the midst of something when he called you. You could also hit the couch a couple of times and have a friend scream in the background. End the conversation with, ``I gotta go, my dog/cat/girlfriend/boyfriend is being disobedient.''
Asking questions
When a telemarketer calls you, and you are bored, try starting all kinds of dumb questions about the product, like as if you're a bit retarded. After a while when they hang up on you, call them back. Either do a *69 (if you live in USA) or use a caller-id, and demand that you talk to their boss. Complain about their rude treatment.
Being rude
When the telemarketer is of the opposite sex, actually same sex also works, start asking about her/his underwear, what type of sexual positions she/he likes and so forth.
Sometimes the telemarketers might ask for a specific person, e.g. the lady of the house. When they do, begin sobbing and explain that she/he was killed in an automobile accident the preceding day, and ask if this is some sort of sick joke.
Calling back
Tell them that you're very interested in their offer, but that you are very busy at the moment. Ask for their home number and tell them you will call them there later. If they say ``No, sorry, etc.,'' then respond sternly, ``Oh, so you don't want anyone bothering you at home, huh?'' then hang up. If they give you the number, then use it as toilet graffiti or something.
Being gross
Tell them something like, ``Hold on. I am going to get the cordless phone, so I can continue this conversation while I use the restroom.'' Pause for a second or two and then continue. If they didn't hang up, make grunting sounds plopping and make sure you flush the toilet a few times. If they don't hang up by now, make comments like ``I don't remember eating corn?'' and ``can someone get me some toilet paper.'' If that doesn't get them, then tell them to call back later because the toilet overflowed and you need to clean it up.
A quickie
A quick way of ending a conversation with a telemarketer is to just say something like, ``I am not allowed to talk to anyone until my assault case has been heard.'' Then just hang up.
Obscure payment
When you're not in a real hurry and there's a telemarketer calling, pretend to be really fired up about their product. When the time comes to close the purchase, try to use your Sears card or Zellers card something that is not viable currency, then insist that the company is at fault for not taking that card.
Handling pranksters
People always seem helpless when they're facing telephone-pranksters. I guess one method of finding them is either using a callback (known as *69 in the US) or you can have an operational caller-id. Still neither will do you any good if the pranksters are calling from a pay phone.
One way is to do the good old whisper silently in the beginning then suddenly make a horrible scream or you could blow in a whistle. You can also bluff them by saying that you have a caller-id, and that you now know who they are, and that you will visit them tonight. Also advise them to stay away from the windows because you'll have a shotgun with you, or your killer dog, Jaws.
Boring music
One way of dealing with both telemarketers and prank callers is to have some utterly boring music taped on either your answering machine or your tape recorder. Just tell them to wait a second then play the music for about 10 minutes, they'll surely hang up.
Equal treatment
Telephone harassment can also be met with the same attitude back. If a sick man calls you in the middle of the night, talking about your underwear, then steer the conversation over to his little penis. Say that you can't possibly fall for someone who ain't taller than 6'5", and that someone with such a tiny little penis could probably never satisfy you. This might be a bit dangerous as you might manage to get the person coming over to your house to show you his real penis, but usually this should stop them, as they're probably not used to being talked to that way.
Another way of reacting is by acting calm, talking in a firm, unaffected voice saying, ``Oh, no. I am sooo afraid. I think I am going to call the police and tell them that the bad man at XXX-XXXX on my caller-id is harassing me.'' Then hang up.

The Internet
``newbie n.: (Originally from British public-school and military slang variant of 'new-boy') A USENET neophyte. Criteria for being considered a newbie vary wildly; a person can be called a newbie in one newsgroup while remaining a respected regular in another.''
-- The Hacker's Dictionary
The Internet is one of the most difficult arenas to carry out safe long distance revenge. The reason for this is that everything that is being done is being log-filed.
Regarding logging
If you log in on your net account, then there's a program that writes information about who you are and when you login, into a file. When you access a web-page, then the web-server logs the time and your computer's address. The same goes for every kind of Internet service, they all keep a log. This is done so that they can trace any connection back to the originator.
Basics
One secure way of getting even through the net, is by using a computer where you don't have to give away your login name and password, and where nobody can confirm that you were at the terminal, behind that keyboard at that specific time. This situation becomes real when you're at a public terminal at a library, or in an Internet café where nobody knows you or can prove that you're at the terminal at the specific time.
There are also some limitations on carrying out your revenge from a library computer. One is that you can't access programs that you normally would have on your system, unless the library gives access to disks, which they rarely do for security reasons. If you try to grab something out of your own account or web-page, then it will be logged and things could be traced back to you. The tools that you most often are limited to are therefore a WWW-client, Telnet and FTP. Knowledge in using and understanding how these tools work is essential.
Another problem with the net is that things change at an incredible pace. Things that seem obvious and easy today will most likely change even before this book is released. This is really why I would not recommend newbies to try to get even through the net. Now for a few ideas.
Internet revenge ideas
The first thing you need to do, as said, is getting access to a publicly available computer without giving away your identity. When this is done, you may enter the web-browser configuration, changing the name and email to the one of your mark. This will lead newbies to believe that it is your mark who is at the console, the more advanced Internet users will recognize the difference.
The next thing to do might be to put out a few contact ads with your mark's name, address and phone numbers on. Use every source available like alt.sex.wanted and alt.personals on the Usenet. On the web there are many contact ad sites. You should save time by finding these sites and others in advance, and writing them onto a piece of paper. When forging contact ads in his name becomes boring, try selling stuff in the market groups or through appropriate web-walls.
There are many places on the net where you can leave his name and E-mail address for subscriptions on things like magazines and web-page updates. Search the net for a little while and you will easily find such services. The nice thing about mailing lists is that the mark would have to go searching through a lot of text to find out how to unsubscribe from them.
One way to give your mark a lot of negative attention is to just be obnoxious on the net. You can start spamming (posting commercial ads or make money fast schemes) to various newsgroups or you can behave like a real obnoxious asshole (flaming). There is still a chance that this might not have any effect, as there are many idiots out there already. A different approach might be needed.
Send an email to his system-administrator where you write that he will not be needing his Internet account anymore. Don't forget to mention the bad service you've been getting and that a slow feed is mainly the reason for changing ISP. E-mail requests to various other ISP's requesting prices, ask for a subscription.
Dealing with Internet harassment
There are many people who have experienced being harassed on the Internet. This often becomes very frustrating, especially if you're a newbie and don't know how things work. Oldtimers don't want to teach you anything; they just want you to go away, so that you can't bother them with your simple questions. This is, of course, dependent on what environment you operate in, but in general, you'll experience it as something really tough to fight, because you'll never see or hear the offender. All that you will see is a cryptic message header, which doesn't really say much to someone who hasn't got a clue. So, what do you do? When you receive an abusive message, being through electronic mail or in any Usenet group, the first thing you should do is to try to figure out as much as you can about the sender. Save the message, with the complete header, or print it out if necessary. If you think that the origin of the message is clear, then you could forward the whole message (with all headers intact) to the offender's system administrator. The system administrator has email addresses like abuse@(domain), postmaster@(domain) and support@(domain).
Reporting the abuse
You should also report the abuse to the police if you find it serious enough, and if it is a student you should report him to the Dean of Student Affairs. If it makes references to your race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, you may also want to contact The American Civil Liberties Union or one of various group-oriented civil-right groups like the NAACP, JDL, ADL, Americans with Disabilities or ACTU-UP, or similar groups in your country.
Spammers
There is one, rather annoying presence on the net. The name of the menace is spammers. Spammers are the Internet's version of junk mailers, posting both to Usenet groups and your personal mailbox. They are either trying to sell you something, or make you interested in some pyramid scheme. You might avoid them by posting anonymously, i.e. posting on the Usenet without using your real email address, but in some way or another they always seem to find your mailbox.
It doesn't help much to send out mail-bombs (logical mail bombs, which is either to send in hundreds of duplicates or a few huge messages), threats don't work either, simply because these individuals are experts in hiding their identity and most often their reply address is bogus. However, to be able to sell you a product, they need a way for customers to reach them. This could either be a web-page or a telephone number.
If an 800-number is mentioned in the message, then don't hesitate to call them up and complain about the spam. One guy who wanted to get even with a spammer who left his 800-number in the spam, wrote his own sex-spam and posted it to the alt.sex.* groups. It sounded somewhat like, ``Hot sex talk, absolutely free, no hidden charges, no 900-number call-back, no credit cards required -- call (spammer's telephone number) and talk to a wet babe!'' -- one might want to add, ``for a limited testing time only.'' This is just an example on how one can handle spam. Another way is to write a complaint to the producer of a product, from whom the originator of the spam is the dealer.
Reporting to the authorities
You should also know that there are agencies that you can report pyramid schemes to, like in the US you have the fraud department of IRS, National Fraud Information Center and Bureau of Consumer Protection. You also have http://www.fraud.org/ which is the Internet Fraud watch.
How do they do it?
Spammers are picking up your email address at both the Usenet (news) and web-pages. If you don't want to be bothered by these junk mailers, I suggest you don't leave your email address around on the net. If you have a good news reader, you can alter your email address slightly, to your@address.remove, or you can set up an auto-responder with your real email address, try sending a mail to viking97@ekran.no, and you'll see what I am talking about. There are many decent news clients that have a killfile system. I recommend that you do not use Microsoft Internet Explorer or Netscape Communicator, but that you find programs like knews, tin or slrn for Unix or Forte Free Agent for Windows.

Destructive payback
``A man's greatest work is to break his enemies, to drive them before him, to take from them all the things that have been theirs, to hear the weeping of those that cherished them, to take their horses between his knees and press in his arms the most desirable of their women.''
-- Genghis Kahn
Some cautionary notes
Destructive payback has both its advantages and disadvantages. One thing in particular that you should consider is the fact that many people have their property insured, and although you may momentarily put the mark into agony, the real cost are often carried by the innocent insurance companies. There might be a fixed price that the owner must cover before the insurance company starts paying any damage. You better check this out in any case.
Another problem with destructive payback is that you will be moving a lot more closer to the mark and/or his property. This automatically put you in jeopardy of being exposed, and this is paticulary bad as you as well could in conflict with the law. This is why these schemes are the ones that should be most carefully planned before being carried out. It is important that these plans include the daily routine of your mark, even though he might break this routine at any time.
When you have his routine you also have a better knowledge on how and when to hit him. A backup plan is certainly not the last thing you should think of here, as you should know what to do upon being detected.
The car
If it weren't for car alarms and locked garages, cars would be the easiest of all targets. It still might be that your mark has his car in his driveway, just locked, but still pretty much accessible. Your research should already have given you ideas on how accessible your mark's car is. Even though his car has a car alarm, there are still a few schemes available for you to implement.
There's plenty of ways to ruin a car without using the old non-creative ``slice-a-car-tire'' scheme.
Paint jobs
Get some spray paint and spray-paint some text onto the side of his car. Apparently some feminist group used this trick in Oslo/Norway, during the mid-70'ties when they went along and sprayed ``whore customer!'' on the side of whore-customer's cars. Other things that could be written includes, ``DRUG DEALER!'', ``I cheated on my wife'', ``Registered sex offender'', ``Paroled rapist'', ``Child molester'' or simply ``I love to kill cats!''
Customized paint jobs. A white car easily turns into a Dalmatian dog look-a-like by spraying black dots onto it. Cut a circle in a piece of cardboard if you want to do a neat job. Other symbols might also be appropriate, depending on who your mark is, like Nazi-symbols, inverted crosses, Satanic symbols, or just anything that would really scare your mark.
Paint stripper. At a supply store you can get a can of paint stripper. indexcar!paint stripper Gloves are recommended as this stripper is strongly acidic. It only takes a couple of seconds to walk by a car with this. Silicone sprayed onto cars also does wonders with the paint. You might even check something called liquid scratch. These schemes work great if the car is parked outside your mark's apartment, and you only need the guts to do a little walk-by.
Bologna. Bologna is said to have the most astonishing effect on car paint. Just place some slices on the hood of the car when it is a bit dewy outside and let it dry in with the morning sun the next day. The result is Polka-dot paint!
Attachments. Small plastic lizard or other cute little kid toys make nice hood ornaments. Apply superglue of any sort and place them at the front of the hood where some cars have their company shield. You can also buy a corrosive or an oxidizing agent from your local hardware store, pour it on your mark's exhaust or anywhere else where it would have an effect.
At the windshield
Next is the windshield, which you can totally ruin by getting one of those glue sticks that is used in hot glue guns. Warm the stick in your hand a little and smear it out onto your mark's windshield. You can also use concrete sealant which is a nasty, sticky liquid used to waterseal concrete after it is poured. When you've spread it on the windshield it will appear like a lovely cloudy, yellow coating.
Wipers. A different way to ruin a windshield is to first put some glue onto the whindshield wipers, and then add some sand onto the glue. Just make sure the wipers don't get close to the windshield before the glue has dried. Next time your mark is using the wipers, he'll scratch up his own windshield. Other substances that do nicely on your mark's windshield include corn oil, vaseline, tar or paint. If you want to be subtle about it, you can pour it into an open plastic bag and just throw it onto the windshield.
The heater intake vent. When you're done playing with the windshield, pour a couple of eggs down the heater intake vent on the car. Wipe off anything that doesn't go in the vent so the mark doesn't know it's in there. They may notice a strange smell at first, but nothing compared to how it will smell in a few days. If you are out of eggs, try fox urine lure from your local hunting supply store. You can use a syringe to retrieve and deploy the fox urine from the original bottle. This way you can save yourself from the foul stench and at the same time it will make it easier to spray the urine onto the rubber gaskets or the coating that seals the windows and doors.
Other substances that fit nicely into the vent are milk, urine, strong acids or liquid rust. You can also make your own cocktail by putting some shrimp-shells into a bottle of water, then let it rest in the sun for a week or two, or you could take a potato, slice a deep cut in it and scrub it with dirt. Put it into an airtight container filled with water and close it. Bacteria from the mud will consume the potato, creating a foul stench, granted there's no access to air.
Tire havoc
An easy way to fix the tires is to remove or add the balancing weights from the wheels. The tires will be out of balance and driving will not be good for either the tires or the suspension. The mark will have to spend some time and money on having a garage rebalance the tires.
This next one requires some work, but if you get some trusted friends with you, then you can put your mark's car on blocks and take off all the nuts on the wheels. Put super-glue on the threads of the bolts and screw on the nuts as tightly as possible. File the edges of the nuts so a wrench cannot easily grip them. Puncture all four tires. His mechanic will need literally weeks to get it back on the road. Red loc-tite is better when used on fasteners. Heat up the lug-nuts until they're red hot. This will surely play havoc on aluminum rims and possibly warp brake rotors.
Under the hood
The engine is usually the least accessible part of your mark's car. Still there are lots of things you can do if you're lucky enough to get into it, or under it. For instance, get two or three cans of shaving foam. Open the hood of your mark's car and set them on the exhaust manifold (that place will be hot). You may need some duct tape to keep them in place. When the engine warms up, the cans explode, covering the engine with shaving foam. If you use WD40 (oil) or deodorant, then the can will explode and the car might catch fire. This is not recommended as it might injure your mark or even innocent bystanders.
Under the hood there is tons of stuff to do. If you come prepared (as you should), you can drop a bolt (about 3/4 inch) into the sparkplug holes, and the cylinders will fracture and total the engine.
At a hardware store you can buy a small can of butane, the kind you use to refill a lighter. Drill a small hole in your mark's distributor cap. Squirt a small amount of butane in and quickly cover the hole with duct tape. When the car starts up, the sparking in the distributor will set off the butane, blowing the distributor cap right off the engine. Stealing the distributor will prevent your mark from starting the car. Take the distributor cap out and run a graphite pencil over the rotor blades/brushes, this will make the engine sputter and misfire.
There's a solution available from Force Ten that can turn oil into Jello. You can also introduce Styrofoam, naphtha or tide into the engine oil. The easiest way is to get under the car, with a container and a wrench, then open the oil-screw beneath the car and let the oil run into the container. Tighten the screw and get yourself out of the area. Often the oil-warning lamp will malfunction and the engine will be totally inoperable. Anti-freeze added to the oil turns it into a brown, milky foam. Even if no direct damage is done, the mark and/or mechanic will think there is a blown head gasket or a cracked head or block, leading to very expensive repairs.
Move on into the battery compartment and put three or four Alka-Seltzers into it, or some other substance like oil or soap. Next, slide in under the front of the car, and poke a hole in the lower radiator hose by using a sharp ice pick. The puncture would close itself and everything would be just fine until the engine gets up to a critical temperature and then the coolant will blow out the hole.
The gas tank
The gas tank is also a popular place to stuff things into. The most common being sugar, but ping-pong balls slit halfway through, filled with crystal Drano also does the job. Use a balloon with a tiny hole or something similar, when you live in the states where the hole ain't big enough for ping pong balls. Crystal Drano is a chemical used to unclog pipes. Tape the ping-pong ball together again after applying the Drano. The ping-pong ball will dissolve in the gasoline, and when the Drano gets in touch with the fuel a violent chemical reaction will occur. Rumor has it that it'll even stand a van on it's nose. My suggestion is that you leave this at the thought.
Other things to put into the fuel tank could be crushed cork, silicone carbide or icing sugar. Dissolve some mothballs in gas and add it to your mark's tank. This will make the engine run hot. The engine oil breaks down, and then the engine seizes. It is hard to trace and damage is already done when person realizes the engine is hot. Sabotaging the fuel line could be done by making a hole in the fuel tank. Afterwards you may call the fire department and they'll come tow the car away and give the owner a stiff fine.
Other car action
One way of getting back at your mark is to tie his car to something on his house. A front balcony might be just fine, or attach it to the doorknob on a gardening house door. Use a solid rope or a chain, about 20-30 yards is more than enough. Cover it with sand or something. The longer the rope is, the more speed he will have gained before anything happens.
You can have a lot of fun with bumper stickers. Get some sort of racially offensive bumper sticker and put them onto his car. Survey the local area and find out what ethnic group is the most militant, and use something that goes against that group in your scheme. Otherwise, use generic ``White/Black Power'', or whatever. If the car is parked next to a handicapped space, some pushing might be all that is needed to move it into the handicapped space. Put an anti-police bumper sticker on its bumper and call the police. You could enhance this by putting a little bag of pot past the doorframe where it can be seen.
At times your mark might be a neighbor who has a cheap car alarm that constantly goes off. This is a problem that might be solved easily. I recommend you write a nice message on a piece of paper, wrap it around a brick and place the brick on top of the hood of the offending car whose alarm constantly goes off. The message should say something like, ``Next time your alarm goes off, this brick will go through your window - prick.'' This is more a solution than a severe revenge scheme.
Other schemes might include totally saran wrapping the mark's car (coat it with blank plastic used to pack food), tucking it into band-aids, or do like some students in Ohio who got their hands on a large amount of plaster bandages, the kind wrapped around splints which harden and form a cast. It took four of them ten minutes to completely mummify the car, then they ran a hose over it and hardened it solid.
On cold nights you may put a lawn sprinkler on the top of your mark's car. Let the sprinkler run with just a little bit of water through all the night. By morning there should be a thick layer of ice coating the whole car.

The garden
Under the cover of a dark night, you could easily get an opportunity to sneak into your mark's garden, do some damage and then get out without getting caught. During the day you would do better by not sneaking in, as it would look strange. Instead you should pretend to be a gardener, a pool caretaker, a cable guy or even someone from the electric company. Dressing up in stealthy clothing usually brings more attention than wanted. Dress casual, avoid sharp colours and you should be fine.
The lawn
Salt works great for killing lawns permanently. Use a relatively large quantity of sea-salt and spread it around the whole lawn. Similar effects can be achieved by using lime, weed seeds or even diesel fuel. For the artistic avenger I recommend writing anything from ``bitch!'' to ``asshole!'' Any simple word would do as long sentences and words are harder to read. Also, unless you're doing this at night, you should not set the fuel on fire as it will make the grass die, where applied, and have the wanted effect in less time. The opposite effect is achieved by spreading fertilizer onto the lawn. It will cause the grass to grow twice as fast on the places where you've spread it. If you use too much fertilizer, then the grass will change colour.
Frosted flakes also look nice on a lawn. Go to the mark's house late at night and spread the flakes out all over their lawn. The morning dew will moisten the flakes slightly, then the sun comes out and bakes them into one huge frosted flake. Later, when the ants come, it could get really entertaining.
Seagulls love bread, and one awesome way to feed them is to throw bits of old bread into your mark's garden at night. At dawn the birds will discover the food and they will have a little party on the mark's lawn. The great thing about birds is that they just can't shut up while partying, so they will most likely wake your mark up in the midst of their feast, and they'll not leave easily either.
It is not a nice thing to do, but there have been some cases where people have extended the previous scheme by adding alcohol to the bread. You can probably imagine for yourself what effect that might have on the poor birds, especially if someone should call the police from a phone booth, claiming that they saw the mark feed the seagulls with alcoholic bread.
Plastic forks are great. You can get huge quantities of them for a low price, and with fellow avengers you can plant them into your mark's garden at night, preferably when he's on a vacation. This scheme might be mild, but fun to implement and gives quite an annoyance for the mark.
Trees
Destroying a tree is easy. Make a salt solution by adding water to salt, stir and then pour it at the base of the tree. Another way, one more obvious, is to strip about six inches of bark round the tree. This will prevent the nutrients produced by the leaves to get to the roots for storage and vice versa. You can also ruin your mark's tree by applying copper tacks or nails. Put them into the roots and clip off their heads, and they'll be as good as invisible. One method that I learned as an environmentalist (it was also featured in an X-files episode) was to put huge steel nails into the tree. When the mark, in this case a timbering company, came to cut it down, they got their equipment ruined by the heavy-duty nail. You should think carefully before implementing this scheme as the chainsaw chain could snap and seriously injure the logger, and you don't want to hurt an innocent person.
The garage
Your mark might not have such a big garden, but it could be that he owns a garage. There are limits to what you can do with locked garage, but painting stuff, like large dots, on the side of the garage is really something to consider. Your mark will have to spend both time and money removing it.
Inside his garage there are certainly several things that could be done, but this depends a bit on who your mark is and what he has inside his garage. Putting nails, the sharp ones wi